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Stewie Griffin Quotes

Total quotes: 23
“Peter Griffin: Run along Stewie, Daddy had a rough night.

Stewie Griffin: Why you tottering fen sucked dewberry, I'm going to find something to strike you with, excuse me.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 3: Lethal Weapons
Tagged: I Hate Dad, Snark, Evil
“Lois Griffin: Stewie, hold my hand.

Stewie Griffin: No, thank you, I prefer to die giving you the finger.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 11: Space Cadet
Tagged: Snark, I Hate You Mom, Dying, Sassy
“[Speaking to Brian] How does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus station?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 11: Roads to Vegas
Tagged: Sassy, Uncultured, Snark
“[in an Amsterdam hash bar] The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 3: Road to Europe
Tagged: Deep Thoughts, High Thoughts, Death
“Hey, you know this old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children, she didn't know what to do? I got something she could do. Get your tubes tied, you kook!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Fighting Irish
Tagged: Snark, SASS, Children's Books
“Lois: Well, hi, there, sweetie!

Stewie: You know, Mother, life is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you're going to get. Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 1: Death Has a Shadow
Tagged: insults, humor, I Hate You Mom, Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, Sassy, Snarky
“By the way, you call those cheap implants boobs? They're not boobs! They're LIES!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 4: I Take Thee Quagmire
Tagged: Snark, Sassy, fake, Implants
“Stewie Griffin: Super Mario? What are you doing here?

Super Mario: I jump on the turtles, Stewie. It is not much of a life, but it is my life.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 11: Lois Comes Out of Her Shell
Tagged: Sad Life, Super Mario Brothers, Video Games
“Oh, and tell Cookie Monster not to phone me until he finishes rehab.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 4: Model Misbehavior
Tagged: Sassy, Cookies, Snark, Don't Call Me
“His brain may be gone, but he's a lot of fun.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Encyclopedia Griffin
Tagged: Brainless, Sassy, Fun
“So, are you going to the gerbil's funeral on Friday?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Papa Has a Rollin' Son
Tagged: funeral, Death, Grief, awkward
“Oh, bitch! You got jacked, bitch!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 4: Perfect Castaway
Tagged: Bitch, Insult, Getting Jacked
“Stewie Griffin: Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Lois? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mom? Mommy? Mommy? Momma? Momma? Momma?

Lois Griffin: WHAT?

Stewie Griffin: Hi...”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 5: Stewie Loves Lois
Tagged: Annoying Mom, Annoying
“It was beauty that killed the beast.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 8: Hannah Banana
Tagged: Snark, SASS, Sassy
“If anybody's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 9: And Then There Were Fewer
“Wait, how could a musical festival chick like two guys?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: This Little Piggy
Tagged: Festivals, Music Festivals, SASS
“Hey. Guess where I have a crayon.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Pilling Them Softly
Tagged: Crayons, Gross
“ Damn you, woman, awake from your damnable reverie!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 1: Mind Over Murder
Tagged: Damn you, woman, Frustration, Damn, insults, I Hate You Mom
“I'd like to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 3: From Method to Madness
Tagged: Snark, Pissed, You're A Bitch
“Good Day to you sir. And now prepare to die.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 4: PTV
Tagged: Prepare To Die, Sassy, Good Day, Greeting
“Stewie Griffin: Remember Brian, don't touch anything when we are in the past. Even stepping on a mosquito could create a chain reaction that drastically alters the present.

Brian Griffin:Really?

Stewie Griffin: Nah you can do whatever you want.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 7: Road to Germany
Tagged: Snark, Jokes, Sassy
“Brian, why does everything you touch turn to garbage?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: The Book of Joe
Tagged: Sassy, Snark, garbage, You're Garbage
“Lois Griffin: Stewie? What are you doing here?

Stewie Griffin: [points a gun at Lois] Oh there is a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, with all indignity you force me to suffer for all these years!

Lois Griffin: Wha? What are you doing with a gun?

Stewie Griffin: Something I should have done a very long time ago!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 6: Stewie Kills Lois
Tagged: Killing, I Hate You Mom
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