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Seth Meyers Quotes

Total quotes: 65
“We have every kind of salsa. We have teriyaki. We have barbecue. We have peanut butter. Ranch dressing, that's important. ”
— Diego, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Juan Likes Rice and Chicken
Tagged: Salsa, taste, food, Toppings, Peanut Butter
“You know, if you're a woman working in the arts, or anywhere actually, people always think you are being controlled. But I've always had control.”
— Izabella Barta, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Waiting for the Artist
Tagged: Woman, Arts, Control, Power
“This is the mockery of a holy man! A man of whom every part is sacred, including his butthole, of which this town knows nothing.”
— Ra-Sharir, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: Mockery, Man, butt, sacred, Town, Ignorance
“This is a police sketch of Mom. Her top fell off while she was walking down the street and this mother and children, they gave descriptions of Mom to the police, and the guy did a wonderful job.”
— Little Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: Police sketch, Nudity, Police, Top, picture
“You got floor all in my lima beans.”
— Big Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: floor, Lima Beans, Gross, food
“Art is not supposed to be safe. It's supposed to be radical.”
— Izabella Barta, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Waiting for the Artist
Tagged: Art, Safe, bold, Radical
“What this is, is that I take sweatpants, and I wrap them around my head.”
— Little Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: Fashion, sweatpants, style
“The world has enough aggression and escalation without us adding to it.”
— Father Ra-Shawbard, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: World, Aggression, Escalation
“They had to scream their orgasms into jars so that they could be saved.”
— Bill Dawes, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: orgasm, Scream, Jars , Saved
“There is no courage in offending unless you are also willing to offend those you love.”
— Dimo, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Waiting for the Artist
Tagged: Courage, Offending , Love, Offensive
“When guests come over, and, you know, they see a globe, they're gonna know immediately they're in the presence of somebody who's worldly.”
— Tom O'Halloran, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Globesman
Tagged: guests, Worldly, Presence
“Maybe I would have been nicer to the townspeople had they not been so fat and stupid.”
— Ra-Sharir, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: Nice, Townspeople, fat, Stupid, Rude
“It did surprise me that a man who spoke of the purity of mind and soul had cocaine.”
— Ra-Tembler, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: surprise, Mind, Soul, Drugs, hypocrite
“Um, this here is a skirt that I safety pin on. And if I want, I can make it a cape.”
— Little Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: Fashion, Ridiculous, Saftey Pin, Cape, Skirt
“You know, so if the audience thinks that I'm sad or fragile or emotional, it's because I want them to think that.”
— Izabella Barta, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Waiting for the Artist
Tagged: audience, Control, Sad, fragile, manipulation
“You will not believe the number of people who hear a price like that and immediately try to Jew you down.”
— Tom O'Halloran, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Globesman
Tagged: Negotiation, Price
“He just wanted me to be free and happy. And isn't that what a father is supposed to want for his children?”
— Ra-Tembler, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: father, Son, Love, support, Free, Happy
“These people thought they were on a path to enlightenment. And unbeknownst to them, they were dressed like a bunch of drunks at a tailgate.”
— Larry Cooper, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: Enlightenment, Drunks, Tailgate , Path, Dressed
“She was building a pink-eye army to infiltrate all of Oregon. It was diabolical because pink-eye is so contagious. ”
— Bill Dawes, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: Oregon , Pink Eye, Contagion, plan
“Little Vivvy: I fell through the floor again.

Big Vivvy: It's because you stomp!”
— Big Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: Stomp, House, Floors, fell
“Show business. They don't like women with opinions. And that's what happens.”
— Little Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: Show Business, Opinions, Women
“Every banana we inspect up close. How it feels. How it looks in the light. How it sounds.”
— Arturo, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Juan Likes Rice and Chicken
Tagged: inspection, meticulous, Detail Oriented , banana, Light
“If he catches the chicken, there is chicken on the menu. But if he doesn't catch the chicken, he believes that fate has spoken and wants the chicken to live.”
— Nico Rodriguez, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Juan Likes Rice and Chicken
Tagged: chicken, Fate, Belief, Life
“So I ask all of you to write down the names of your family members that you are leaving behind and put them in this basket. Along with their Social Security Number and their banking information. And then you will be free. ”
— Father Ra-Shawbard, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: Social Security, Bank, Names, Freedom, Scam
“My favorite was Wayne's signature heliumtopic meditation. Once a week, members would suck on helium and then admit what they were most ashamed of. ”
— Bill Dawes, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: meditation, helium, Voices, Confessions
“Oh, sure, it's, you know, it's a gorgeous town, but mother and I, we know the ugly part, the underbelly, and it's you know, it's sad.”
— Little Vivvy, Documentary Now!, Season 1: Sandy Passage
Tagged: Gorgeous, Town, Underbelly, ugly
“My core goal as an artist is to deconstruct the idea of working, of effort because we are raised to believe that great works of art require suffering.”
— Dimo, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Waiting for the Artist
Tagged: goal, Art, Artist, Effort, Suffering, Work
“First of all, don’t ever start a sentence with, ‘If I were a black father.' If you are a black father, you don’t need to say it and if you aren’t, you should probably just shut the fuck up.”
— Seth Meyers, Seth Meyers: People Blaming Black Lives Matter for Dallas Need to ‘Shut the F*ck Up’
Tagged: blacklivesmatter, Matter, black lives, protest, guiliani, Ignorance, Change
“It’s 2018. Marijuana is finally allowed and sexual harassment finally isn’t, it’s gonna be a good year!”
— Seth Meyers, Golden Globes: Seth Meyers monologue jokes carefully tackle sexual misconduct
Tagged: 2018 Golden Globes, Quote of the Moment
“Just because you draw big crowds doesn't mean you're winning the election. If all you needed to win was a big crowd of people, our next president would be Ikea on a Saturday.”
— Seth Meyers, Seth Meyers stifles Donald Trump’s “crooked polls” whining: “Just because you draw big crowds doesn’t mean you’re winning the election”
Tagged: Election 2016, Donald J. Trump, Polls
“For the male nominees here tonight this is the first time in three months it won’t be terrifying to hear your name read out loud.”
— Seth Meyers, Golden Globes: Seth Meyers monologue jokes carefully tackle sexual misconduct
Tagged: 2018 Golden Globes
“Trump treats Pence like someone taking their kid to a grown-up party for the first time — ‘Go ahead, you can answer. Show them all your big-boy words.”
— Seth Meyers, WATCH: Don’t know much about Mike Pence? Let Seth Meyers help you out
Tagged: Mike Pence, Veep, Donald Trump Veep, Election 2016 Jokes
“R-U-I-N-E-D. There's only one way to say it, 'Rooned.'”
— Simon Sawyer, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Original Cast Album
Tagged: Pronunciation, Ruined, picky, Sassy
“The coffee, every bean, is it your friend or enemy?”
— Arturo, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Juan Likes Rice and Chicken
Tagged: Coffee, ingredient, picky, Friend, Enemy
“You don't ruin a sale by pointing out mistakes!”
— Tom O'Halloran, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Globesman
Tagged: sale, upset, Mistakes
“You know what I love about my job? I get to see the world everyday.”
— Pete Reynolds, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Globesman
Tagged: corny, Job, World, Sales
“World's always gonna need salesmen.”
— Pete Reynolds, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Globesman
Tagged: World, Sales, salesmen
“That's a beautiful word, 'deal,' and you're talking to a dealer.”
— Father Ra-Shawbard, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: Deal, Word, Dealer
“This is America. You cannot open a juice bar in a muffler shop.”
— Marge Middleton, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: America, Juice Bar , Muffler Shop
“Get me my cocaine!”
— Father Ra-Shawbard, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Batshit Valley
Tagged: order, upset, Drugs
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