1. People
    2.  › 
  2. Ralph Kramden

Ralph Kramden Quotes

Total quotes: 16
“You're a riot, Alice. You're a regular riot. Hope they like those jokes on the moon, 'cause that's where you're goin'.”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Christmas Party
Tagged: Riot, Moon, Threats
“Ralph: What do you know about fishing? When have you ever caught anything?

Alice: Fifteen years ago. I caught 300 pounds of blubber.”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Glow Worm Cleaning
Tagged: Fishing, Fat-Shaming
“[to Alice's mother; shouting] You—are a blabbermouth! A blabbermouth! You! Blabbermouth! Out!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Lost Job
Tagged: Blabbermouth, Mother in Law
“Now I know why people play golf! It's not 'cause they like this game! It's just to get away from their wives! That's why they play!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Lost Baby
Tagged: Golf, Bad Marriage, wives
“Ralph Kramden: There isn't room in this place for you and me!

Mrs. Gibson: There isn't room in this place for you and anybody!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: The Turkey
Tagged: Fat-Shaming
“You just decided for me, Alice. You just decided for me! I'm going on 'The $64,000 Question'. And do you know why? 'Cause I'm an expert in one of their categories: Aggravation!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Quiz Show
Tagged: $64000 Question, aggravation
“Acting young ain't what keeps you young, but if you have some memories—some good memories—of when you were young, that's what keeps you young.”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Lunchbox
Tagged: Youth, Memories
“What I SAY about Norton is one thing; how I FEEL about him is something else!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Jellybeans
Tagged: Two-Faced
“Ralph: What's the matter? Aren't you up on current events? Don't you read the papers? Don't you read comic books? That's the trouble with you; you don't know the latest developments.

Alice: I don't know the latest developments? Who is it that lets your pants out every other day?”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Suspense
Tagged: papers, Comic Books, Fat-Shaming
“Ralph Kramden: Norton, let's face it, I'm a man with big ideas, and sooner or later, one of those ideas is going to catch on. And when they do, I'm going to be a big shot. And do you know what happens to people who become big shots?

Ed Norton: Yeah, they forget their relatives.”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Ralph Kramden, Inc.
Tagged: Success, Relatives
“Ed Norton: [reading from book about golf] 'The golf swing: First, step up, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball.'

Ralph: Wait a minute. What do they mean by 'address the ball'?

Ed Norton: How should I know? That's what it says here.

Ralph: Well, read a little further. Maybe it explains it.”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Lost Baby
Tagged: Golf, address the ball, Hello Ball
“Dear Mom, I just thought I'd write and tell you this. A mother-in-law is the most criticized, the most misunderstood and the most defenseless of all women. The average woman must be clever enough to know when to speak, but a mother-in-law must know when to keep silent. She must be very wise; wise enough sometimes to withhold advice, although she knows the answer to the problem. A mother-in-law must sit on the fence between her own child and the child by marriage, and somehow she must keep a balance. She must lean backwards until her spine aches, or else she is accused of being partial, and she isn't permitted the luxury of hurt feelings or tears. If a person could put themselves in their mother-in-law's place, weigh her in the balance, and be completely fair, they'd nominate her for the Presidency of the United States, and she'd be the first woman to make it.”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Six Months To Live
Tagged: Mother in Law, Tolerance, Patience, US President
“Ralph Kramden: [Alice's mother has been engaging in her typical insult-based banter with Ralph] Oh, you're startin' right in, huh? Startin' right in with the insults! No warmin' up in the bullpen or nothin', huh? Startin' right in! I remember when you used come over, you used to to start slow with a couple of 'Hello, Stupids' and stuff like that! Now I don't even get that, anymore, huh? Well, let me tell you somethin', and get this into your head! This is my home, and when you come in here, treat me with respect, and address me with a civil tongue!

Mrs. Gibson: Oh, why don't you shut up?”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: The Turkey
Tagged: insults, Mother in Law
“Ralph Kramden: We spend $200, we make $2000 and the profit is 1800. We can't lose.

Ed Norton: Can't lose, huh? That's what you said when you bought the parking lot next to where they were building up the movie house there. You said, 'People going to the movies got to have a place to park their car.'

Ralph Kramden: How did I know they were building a drive-in theater?”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Pickles
Tagged: drive-in theater, profit motive, Get Rich Quick Schemes
“Ed Norton: Hey, Ralph, what's the normal temperature, around 98, ain't it?

Ralph Kramden: 98.6.

Ed Norton: What would you say a bad temperature is?

Ralph Kramden: Hundred and two, 103. What is it, Norton? What is my temperature?

[Norton becomes shocked as he examines the thermometer; Ralph gets impatient]

Ralph Kramden: WHAT'S MY TEMPERATURE, NORTON?

Ed Norton: [crying out] A HUNDRED AND ELEVEN!

Ralph Kramden: A hundred and eleven?

Ed Norton: Why'd it have to be you? Prime of life!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Anniversary Gift
Tagged: Temperature, Thermometer, Fever
“[speaking to a recorder an apology to Alice] Hello, Alice. This is me, Ralph. Alice, I'm sorry. I'm miserable without ya. Please come back to me, Alice. I apologize for everything I've said. I even apologize to your mother. I know she doesn't mean the things she says, Alice, it's just her nature. She doesn't mean to be mean, she's just born that way. When she says things about your old boyfriends and about the furniture in the apartment, I know that she doesn't mean to get me mad. She's just naturally mean, that's all. When she spilled the beans about the end of the play, I shouldn't have gotten mad at that, I should've expected it from her. I know how she is. She's never gonna be any different, Alice! She's gonna be the *same old way*, Alice! She's a BLABBERMOUTH, Alice! A BLAAABBERMOOOUUUTH!”
— Ralph Kramden, The Honeymooners, Season 1: Lost Job
Tagged: Apologies, Mother in Law, Blabbermouth
loading next page...