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Kevin Smith Quotes

Total quotes: 18
“It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll...Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn't it?”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: happy family, Monkey, tear gas
“Do you think 'Fat Albert' had an inker? No, Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Bill Cosby, fat albert
“Whillenholly: Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass.

Sheriff: One rectal breach comin' up.”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: warning shot, bulbous ass, rectal breach
“It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect. Hold it like you'd hold a woman.”
— Brodie Bruce/Banky Edwards, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: comic book, dick, Respect
“In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: spank the monkey, world gone mad
“Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Internet, Bitch
“Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: bus tickets, free stuff, Shit
“[singing outside the Stop N Go]
I'm gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: teabagging, finger-banging, balls, asshole
“Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. That's right. I was gonna call it ’N.W.P.’—Niggaz Wit' Puppets. Catchy, ain't it?”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Anti-White, Sesame Street, PBS
“Well, look at these morose motherfuckers right here. Looks like somebody shit in their cereal.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: morose, Motherfuckers, Shit, cereal
“And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.”
— Reg Hartner, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Clit
“Y'know, I don't get you, Justice. You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing shit up, and now you're like this little priss with a conscience. It's really a fucking drag.”
— Sissy, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: girl stuff, boning, Stealing, blowing shit up
“James Van Der Beek: [about 'Dawson's Creek'] You actually watch that show?

Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to third base with her?

James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time...”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Dawson's Creek, Third Base
“Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.”
— Chaka, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: black ass, crackers, anti-white racism, Guns
“Fuck Jay and Silent Bob. Fuck them up their stupid asses.”
— Holden McNeil/Himself, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Fuck, Anal Rape, stupid asses
“See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea.”
— Randal Graves, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Restraining Order
“Whillenholly: [Jay and Silent Bob are hiding in the diner] They've got a monkey in there?

Sheriff: An ape.

Whillenholly: What?

Sheriff: An orangutan's a member of the great ape family, it's not a monkey.

Whillenholly: Look, who's the Federal Wildlife Marshal here, me or you? That's what I thought.”
— Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Monkey, Ape, orangutan, federal wildlife marshal
“[deleted scene]
Hooker #1: Hey, little man! You want some of this?

Hooker #2: How 'bout you, big boy?

Hooker #1: You got 50 bucks, we can get NASTY.

Jay: Oh, yeah? How nasty?

Hooker #2: As nasty as you want to be, papi.

Jay: Oh, all right. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my asshole with the other, but don't stick your finger in. Then I want to pinky you while I stick in your fuckin' friend's brown, while Silent Bob watches, and fuckin' spanks it in a Dixie cup. After that, I want to smell your titties for a while, and you can pull my nutsack up over my dick so it looks like a bullfrog. Then I want you to fuckin' flick my nuts while your friend spanks me off in the same Dixie cup that Silent Bob jizzed in. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out. [stunned silence]

Hooker #1: Oh, that's it, honey! I quit! This job just passed the point of no return! [both hookers leave]

Jay: What? You said 'nasty'! [to Silent Bob] Man, chicks in Hollywood are so stuck-up.”
— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Tagged: Hookers, Ass Play, Nutsack, Dixie Cup, Hollywood, Stuck-Up
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