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Kevin Heffernan Quotes

Total quotes: 28
“No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: you're under arrest, fuckhead
“[Chugging maple syrup] Three...two...one...DO EET. Oh, go, girlfriend.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: chugging, Do It, maple syrup
“Foster: [explaining his low number of citations issued] I can't make them speed.

Captain O'Hagan: Try hiding.”
— Foster, Super Troopers
Tagged: Speeding, Hiding
“[In an Irish accent] I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: Shit, Purple, sherbet
“[repeated line]
Thorny: Enhance.

Captain O'Hagan: Just print the damn thing!”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: enhance, damned, Impatience
“Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?”
— Foster, Super Troopers
Tagged: Cat, milk, saucer, Mice
“Thorny: [finishes syrup, slams bottle on table] I am all that is, man!

[Rabbit struggles to finish]

Mac: What’s a-matter Rabbit, your mother teach you to chug?”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: chugging, Syrup
“Farva: Don’t call me radio, unit 91.

Mac: Then don’t call me unit 91, radio.

Farva: Are you done?”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: radio
“[licking back window of police car] The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.”
— College Boy 3, Super Troopers
Tagged: Snozzberries
“[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup ]
Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac?

Mac: Good enough...to fuck...your mother.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: fuck your mother
“Who can say 'meow' the most? You guys are real crazy, hey look out for these guys.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: meow, crazy
“Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her...I guess you could say that about all my girls.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Stinks, ass
“Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot.

Mac: That's true.”
— Foster, Super Troopers
Tagged: Idiot, insults
“Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I’m an idiot.

Mac: That’s true.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: Idiot, okie doke, insults
“[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup]

Foster: How you feelin’ there, Mac?

Mac: Good enough...to fuck...your mother.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: fuck your mother
“License and registration...chicken-fucker.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: license, registration, chicken-fucker
“Police Chief Grady: I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Smy?

Officer Smy: Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA!

Rabbit: I don't get it. Tacos?

Thorny: They think I'm Mexican.

Rabbit: You're not Mexican?”
— Chief Grady, Super Troopers
Tagged: Tacos, Enchiladas, guacamole, Mexican
“Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked. [fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass] And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.

Mac: Thanks, Chief!”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: Bulletproof, sick motherfucker
“Desperation is a stinky cologne.”
— Chief Grady, Super Troopers
Tagged: Desperation, Stinky, cologne
“Thorny: Where are your shoes?

Foster: What are you, the shoe police?

Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.

Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.

Thorny: That's brown magic.”
— Thorny, Super Troopers
Tagged: black magic, shoe police
“You boys like Mex-i-co? Yee-haww!”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: Mexico, yee-haw
“Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun!

Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

Foster: [after a pause] Which...makes them not really shenanigans at all.

Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans!”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: shenanigans, Fun, cruel, tragic
“Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'll pistol-whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans.'

Mac: Hey, Farva, what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

Farva: You mean Shenanigans?

Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [as they offer the Captain their pistols]”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: shenanigans, swear to god, mozzarella sticks
“Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.

Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop.

Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?

Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good. [into mic] Don't spit in that cop's burger.

Farva: Yeah, thanks.

Second Dimpus Guy: Roger, holding the spit.

Farva: Gimme a pie... apple.

Dimpus Burger Guy: Want me to hold the spit? Hah, just kidding officer Farva. [pause] Want me to dimpa-size your meal for 25 cents?

Farva: Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?

Dimpus Burger Guy: It's only 25 cents, and look how much more you get.

Thorny: Look, kid, he doesn't want it.

Farva: I can handle this, Thorn. I don't want it!

Dimpus Burger Guy: Uhh, right. Beverage?

Farva: Gimme a liter o' cola.

Dimpus Burger Guy: What?

Farva: [Annoyed] A liter o' cola.

Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] liter cola? Do we sell liter cola?

Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva?

Farva: I don't want a large, Farva. I want a goddamn liter o' cola!

Dimpus Burger Guy: [to Farva] I don't know what that is!

Farva: [slowly starts shouting] liter is French for... [grabs burger kid by shirt] ...give me my fuckin' cola before I break VOUS FUCKIN' LIP!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: liter, fuckin', cola
“Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars.

Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Farva: I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car.

Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over.

Farva: Bullshit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away. [Farva pulls off ticket from cup and pop spills all over him from the hole behind the ticket]

Farva: Dammit, you burger punk. You son of a bitch!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Investment, Son of a Bitch
“Captain O'Hagan: That's it. You're off the road, never again.

Farva: Sir, it was not my fault!

Captain O'Hagan: Neither was the goddamn school bus! You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose; now you got your Goddamn unions.

Farva: Cap, You know I'm not a pro union guy.

Captain O'Hagan: And you're banned from Dimpus Burger!

Farva: Damn it!

Captain O'Hagan: Get some rubber gloves. From now on, you're my cleaning lady. BEAT IT!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Unions, Goddamn, banned, cleaning lady
“Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom!

Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe?

Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe? [Looks down]

Officer Smy: SHIT!

Ursula: [Stifles a laugh]

Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the extra effort.

Ursula: Oh why... did you want me to wipe your ass?

Officer Smy: [Flustered] That's not what I meant! [With a pompous gesture] Well around MY house, my wife knows to refill the TP.

Ursula: I'm not your wife, Smy.

Officer Smy: No, and if you were, I'd take you down a peg or two.

Ursula: Oooooooh.”
— Local Officer Smy, Super Troopers
Tagged: Toilet Paper, Shit, Fuck
“Captain O’Hagan: I swear to God I’ll pistol-whip the next guy who says ‘shenanigans.’

Mac: Hey Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

Farva: You mean Shenanigans?

Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Thorny: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

[as they offer the Captain their pistols]”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: shenanigans, Pistol Whip, Shit, goofy, mozzarella sticks
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