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Don Rickles Quotes

Total quotes: 32
“You got a smart she-she crowd here. Look they're all in their underwear.”
— Don Rickles, DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO
Tagged: Roasting, comedy, Comedians, interviews
“Oh, there's the black guy from 'The Unit'... now he works for Allstate.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: insults, Allstate
“You are a politician. Black, white, Jew, gentile, we’re all working for one cause: to figure out how you became governor.”
— Don Rickles, WATCH: Don Rickles roasts Ronald Reagan
Tagged: Ronald Reagan, Jew, Gentile, Black, white
“I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, Gee, if only I'd done The Man Who Came to Dinner on Broadway, I would have been happier.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Regrets, The Man Who Came To dinner, broadway
“Hollywood has changed. It's not glamorous like the old days. Last time my wife and I went down there to go to the movies, we got car-jacked by a guy with a .357 Magnum.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Hollywood, Glamour
“Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.”
— Don Rickles, 10 memorable lines that prove Don Rickles was a comic legend
Tagged: Eddie Fisher, Elizabeth Taylor, Empire State Building, Punching Above Your Weight
“Those were the days, when albums were big. And now that's over with, and I'm on this.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: Jay Leno, Fame, Washed Up
“I met your son...he's a wonderful young kid. And he was smiling because he knows one day he's going to come into a lot of money.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: Jimmy Kimmel, Inheritance, Greedy Children
“The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Old Days, that was then, Nostalgia
“No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Jew, Beach Chair
“I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: insults, Lesson, comedy
“You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: comedy, Attitude
“The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Las Vegas, Melting Pot, Ellis Island
“People think being in your seventies means sitting around in a chair with a blanket over your legs, drooling.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Seventies, Aging, Dementia
“I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Golf
“I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Aging
“Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.”
— Don Rickles, 10 memorable lines that prove Don Rickles was a comic legend
Tagged: Show Business, comedy
“Marty...somebody get a phone book so you can see me. Forty million jobs in show business, I got a midget to direct me.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' most scathing insults
Tagged: Martin Scorsese, Height-Shaming
“I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: accountant, Mafia
“[To Jay Leno] What is this a Nazi movie? What's Jewish got to do with it!?”
— Don Rickles, DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO
Tagged: Roasting, comedy, Comedians, interviews
“Clint, I say it, nobody else has said it, but I say it from my heart: You're a lousy actor.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles Roasts Clint Eastwood
Tagged: clint eastwood, insults
“It's sweet of you, Dave — I know your busy schedule of going to the bank and trying to figure out what the hell you do.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: David Letterman, insults
“Is that your wife, sir?…What was it, a train?”
— Don Rickles, 10 memorable lines that prove Don Rickles was a comic legend
Tagged: Wife, Insults to Liberals
“Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, How many more years do I have on this earth? But I can't really conceive of dying. Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Aging, Mortality
“Showbiz is great if you're successful.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: showbiz, Success
“One time I did Carson and I made a joke about a black guy in the audience, and Carson stopped me and said, Show me a black guy. The camera panned the audience, and there was no black guy. And I said to Johnny, Did they laugh? The answer was yes. And that's all that matters.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Johnny Carson, comedy
“Who picks your clothes—Stevie Wonder?”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles Letterman 1996
Tagged: insults, Blind, Stevie Wonder
“I've never walked off stage and said, I shouldn't have done that. Because when you do what I do, you're like a fighter. You throw the right hand and say, That's what got me to this dance. You can't have doubt. If you have doubt, there's no show.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Doubt, Performing, Confidence
“Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Room Service, Overpriced
“You are a wonderful audience. You really are. Snap out of it, ah?”
— Don Rickles, DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO
Tagged: Roasting, comedy, Comedians, interviews
“Bob, I'm so happy for you, but do us a favor: Get off the air. How long [are you going to do this]? The soldiers, the Navy, they're getting tired. Every time there's a war, you're right there. In Iran, they're fed up, they're fighting and you go, 'I wanna tell you...' with your golf club. It's over. I'm a friend. Don't annoy people.”
— Don Rickles, Don Rickles' best celebrity insults
Tagged: Bob Hope, Age-Shaming, insults
“Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?”
— Don Rickles, What I've Learned: Don Rickles
Tagged: Fame, Larry King
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