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Dave Chappelle Quotes

Total quotes: 19
“We should forgive the ones of us that are weaker and support the ones of us that are stronger.”
— Dave Chappelle, The Bird Revelation
Tagged: forgiveness, strength, Quote of the Moment
“Can’t do comparative suffering. If you’re hungry, and your friend says, 'you know, people are starving in Africa,' 'so what, nigga? I still want lunch.'”
— Dave Chappelle, The Age of Spin: Dave Chappelle Live at the Hollywood Palladium
Tagged: Suffering, Comparing Your Pain To Others
“ I’m from a time that I didn’t even used to know who was on the phone until I answered the shit.”
— Dave Chappelle, The Age of Spin: Dave Chappelle Live at the Hollywood Palladium
Tagged: Caller ID, Being Old In 2017 , How We Lived Before iPhones
“This is the worst time ever to be a celebrity. You’re gonna be finished. Everyone’s doomed. Michael Jackson has been dead for ten years and this nigga has two new cases.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Nigga, Michael Jackson, Child Molestation, Cancel Culture, celebrity
“Celebrity hunting season. Doesn’t matter what I say, they’re going to get everybody eventually.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Cancel Culture
“I don’t see any peaceful way to disarm America’s whites. There’s only one thing that’s going to save this country from itself. Same thing that always saves this country from itself, and that is African Americans.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Gun Control, African Americans
“This is the age of spin. The age where nobody knows what the fuck they’re even looking at.”
— Dave Chappelle, The Age of Spin: Dave Chappelle Live at the Hollywood Palladium
Tagged: spin, Media Manipulation, Seeing Seeing
“I’m not for abortion. Oh, shut up, nigga. I’m not for it, but I’m not against it, either. It all depends…on who I get pregnant.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Nigga, Abortion
“They just killed another 12 people in a mass shooting in Virginia Beach. This shit’s happening every week. It happens so much, I’m almost—I don’t care anymore.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Mass Shooting, Virginia Beach, Shit
“What does it actually mean to be equal? You know what I mean? Like, if women are actually equal to men, then there would be no WNBA, would there? You would just be good enough to play in the NBA with us.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Equality, WNBA, Gender Differences
“ If you guys keep going after individuals, the system is going to stay intact.”
— Dave Chappelle, The Bird Revelation
Tagged: Cloak And Dagger, Invisible Power
“I’m sorry, ladies. I just… I got a fucking Me Too headache. Y’all is killing me right now. It’s really fuckin’ tough to watch what’s going on.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Fuck, #metoo
“I am what’s known on the streets as a victim blamer. You know what I mean? If somebody come up to me like, 'Dave, Dave, Chris Brown just beat up Rihanna.' I’ll be like, 'Well, what did she do?' 'Dave, Michael Jackson was molesting children.' 'Well, what were those kids wearing at the time?'”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Michael Jackson, Victim Blaming, Chris Brown, Rihanna
“That’s gonna be my ticket out. You know, you got to think of these women like frequent flyer miles. I mean, if you doing nice things with this girl, and nice things with that girl, it never adds up. You got to get all your miles on one airline.”
— Dave Chappelle, Howard Stern Comes Again
Tagged: Marriage, Promiscuity, Commitment
“I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.”
— Dave Chappelle, The Sixth Man
Tagged: Stand-UP, Magic, Laughter
“You know how much money you have to have to tell a girl to shut the fuck up? I have 'Quiet, please' money at best. I’d have to take a loan out for 'Shut the fuck up.' 'Shut the fuck up–' That’s Jay Z money. And Beyoncé got 'No, you shut the fuck up' money.”
— Dave Chappelle, The Age of Spin: Dave Chappelle Live at the Hollywood Palladium
Tagged: Jay-Z and Beyonce, Money, Marriage
“I live in Ohio. And anyone that knows anything about Ohio knows that even the word 'Ohio' is an old Native American word. It means, literally, uh, 'land of poor white people.' And I don’t know what’s going on down here, but in my experience, uh, poor white people love, and, I mean, they fucking love… heroin. They can’t seem to get enough of it. I didn’t know what I was looking at at first. I was driving, like, 'Why are all these white people so sleepy out here?' It’s really bad.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Ohio, Poor White People, Heroin, opioid crisis
“This guy, R. Kelly, got another sex tape out now. Can you believe that shit? This guy makes more sex tapes than he does music. He’s like the DJ Khaled of sex tapes. 'Another one.' Like, damn, nigga! That’s a lot of tapes. The new one’s so bad that they didn’t even show it. I’ve never seen anything like this. The prosecutor in Chicago came out in a press conference and read to the media a transcript of a sex tape. Have you ever heard of such a thing? This nigga read the sex tape. And it was so bad that R. Kelly sounded guilty in the transcripts. It’s fucking amazing. Sixteen times the girl’s age was mentioned. Isn’t that crazy? This motherfucker is an idiot. He was fuckin’ her like, 'Yeah, this is the best 14-year-old pussy I’ve ever had in my life.' She was like, 'You like this 14-year-old pussy?' Like, 'Oh, yeah, I love this.' I’m like, 'Man, you need to shut the fuck up.'”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: r. kelly, sex tape, Dj Khaled, Pussy, pedophilia
“Louis C.K. was a very good friend of mine before he died in that terrible masturbation accident. And it was his room. You read the story. He was masturbating in his own room. That’s where you supposed to masturbate. Then he said, 'Hey, everybody, I’m gonna pull my dick out.' Nobody ran for the door or nothing like that. They all just kind of hung out, like, 'I wonder if this guy is serious.' And he came on his own stomach. There it is. What is the threat? Have any women ever seen a guy that just came on his own stomach? This is the least threatening motherfucker the Earth has ever seen. All you see is shame in their face and… cum dripping down like pancake butter. He didn’t do anything that you can call the police for. I dare you to try. Call the police on him. 'Hello? Police, yes. I am… I am on the other line with comedian Louis C.K., and I think that he is masturbating while I’m on the phone.' You know what the police are gonna say in Atlanta? 'Well, what are you guys talking about? Mm-hm. Mm-hmm.' They ruined this nigga’s life, and now he’s coming back playing comedy clubs, and they acting like if he’s able to do that, that’s gonna hurt women.”
— Himself, Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones
Tagged: Louis C.K., masturbation, Cancel Culture, Motherfucker, Atlanta
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