Hey, watch your mouth you dumb friggin' Swede.
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Walter Matthau
Walter Matthau (; born Walter John Matthow; October 1, 1920 – July 1, 2000) was an American actor and comedian, best known for his role as Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple and its sequel 30 years later, The Odd Couple II, and his frequent collaborations with Odd Couple co-star Jack Lemmon, particularly in the '90s with Grumpy Old Men and its sequel Grumpier Old Men. He won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his performance in the 1966 Billy Wilder film The Fortune Cookie. Besides the Oscar, he was the winner of BAFTA, Golden Globe and Tony awards. 2Early life Matthau was born Walter John Matthow on October 1, 1920, in New York City's Lower East Side. His mother, Rose (née Berolsky), was a Lithuanian Jewish immigrant who worked in a garment sweatshop, and his father, Milton Matthow, was a Russian Jewish peddler and electrician, from Kiev, Ukraine. As part of a lifelong love of practical jokes, Matthau himself created the rumors that his middle name was Foghorn and his last name was originally Matuschanskayasky (under which he is credited for a cameo role in the film Earthquake). As a young boy, Matthau attended a Jewish non-profit sleepaway camp, Tranquillity Camp, where he first began acting in the shows the camp would stage on Saturday nights. He also attended Surprise Lake Camp. His high school was Seward Park High School. He worked for a short time as a concession stand cashier in the Yiddish Theatre Distric
Weatherman: Cold enough for ya? Brrrrrrr! Max Goldman: Oh, shut up, fatass.
Max Goldman: [Knows that John is hiding and listening, but can't give himself away] You mean the lowlife, asswipe, egg-sucker John Gustafson? Snyder: Have you seen him? Max Goldman: The man's crazy. Loco. Always hanging out around those kinky strip bars. You know, the ones where the men take their…
Hey, dickhead, you win the lottery?
If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I'd have asked for another million.
Max Goldman: You're trying to steal her away like you did Mae. John Gustafson: Oh, well, I'll remind you, Einstein, that Mae was no prize. Max Goldman: She was to me. John Gustafson: I was married to the woman for 20 years, she was no prize! Max Goldman: She was to me. John Gustafson: Well, that's…
Max Goldman: You know what Jacob said? Jacob said old Billy Hensel was killed in a car crash. Cleared his car straight off the bridge into the Mississippi. John Gustafson: Lucky bastard. Max Goldman: You bet. John Gustafson: Hey, how is he, anyway? Max Goldman: Dead! Died on impact! John Gustafson:…
Max Goldman: Good morning, dickhead. John Gustafson: Hello, moron.
Jacob: You're a child. Max Goldman: Don't tell me, Jacob; it isn't me. Jacob: Oh it never is. Uh huh, I'm sure John started every fight since 1940. Max Goldman: ’38.
When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.
Do me a favor. Put your lip over your head... and swallow.
Max: I knew your old man longer than I knew my own. John: He was always very fond of you, Max. Max: He was a good man. John: The best. Max: You know I didn't mean what I said about Melanie. John: And you know how I really feel about Jacob. Max: Yeah, well, he deserves to be happy. John: He deserves…
John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it. Max Goldman: What's your point?
[TV on] Geraldo: ‘Lesbian Bandits’ next on Geraldo. Max: Ooooh, lesbians yummy.
John Gustafson: I am going down and apologizing to Maria. Max Goldman: You traitor, you Benedict Arnold. John Gustafson: Yeah, yeah. Max Goldman: Finally. I didn't think he would last that long. [Grabs milk and smells it] Max Goldman: Smells all right to me.
John Gustafson: Here, drop anchor. Max Goldman: You cut the anchor, you dumbass. John Gustafson: All right, then grab the net. Max Goldman: You cut that, too, you dickhead.
Max: I am the gangster of love. John: Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a holdup than a stickup? Max: Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning.
Maria: I haven't been with a man for a long time Max Goldman: Me, neither.
[singing] I just met a girl named Maria! And now I plainly see, she's not the bitch I thought she would be!
If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.