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Trey Parker Quotes

Total quotes: 106
“The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Ike's Wee Wee
Tagged: fireman, Magic
“Okay, that does it! Now listen! Why is it that everything today has involved things either going in or coming out of my ass?! I'm sick of it! It's completely immature!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
Tagged: Anal Humor, Fart Jokes, Sick, Immature
“Mr. Garrison: And where are you from, Damien?

Damien: The seventh layer of hell!

Mr. Garrison: Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: Hell, Alabama
“No, dude, independent films are those black-and-white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
Tagged: Independent FIlms, Black and White, Hippie, Movies, Gay Cowboys
“Stan: My uncle Jimbo says that after this he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.

Kyle: Wow. That'd be cool.

Cartman: My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Volcano
Tagged: Africa, Hunting, Black People, Stating the Obvious
“Priest Maxi: Blessed be the name of Jesus!

Crowd: It's a great name, isn't it?”
— Priest Maxi, South Park, Season 3: Spontaneous Combustion
Tagged: jesus
“Cartman: I'm not the one walking around all day like Pippi Longstocking.

Stan: Well, at least my mom isn't on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
Tagged: Pippi Longstocking, Crack Whore
“Mr. Garrison: And never let poontang come between you and your friend!

Chef: Damn right, Garrison!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 3: The Succubus
Tagged: poontang, bros before hos
“We're not going to let them commit suicide, even if we have to kill them.”
— ATF Agent, South Park, Season 3: Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
Tagged: Murder, Suicide
“The only way to fight hate is with even more hate!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 9: Ginger Kids
Tagged: Hate, fighting fire with fire
“Jesus: We have no choice, Kyle, You're going to have to kill me.

Kyle: What!

Jesus: Stab me with this! [shows Kyle the nail file] If I die I can resurrect outside the bars.

Kyle: No way! Do it yourself.

Jesus: Suicide is blasphemy. There's no choice here, Kyle.

Kyle: Dude, you don't understand. I'm a Jew. I have a few hangups about killing Jesus.”
— Kyle Broflovski, South Park, Season 11: Fantastic Easter Special
Tagged: jesus, Suicide, blasphemy, Jews
“Cartman: I would never kill somebody. Unless they pissed me off.

Grampa: Oh, is that a fact? Well, let me tell ya something, Porky. Your mom was over here earlier, and I humped her like a little bitch!

Cartman [shocked]: What?

Grampa: That's right!

Stan: Grampa!

Grampa: And then, I dug up your great-grandma's skeleton, and had my way with her too.

Cartman: Hey!

Grampa: Choice piece of it, your great-grandma.

Cartman: You piece of crap! I'll kill you!

Grampa: That's the spirit, Tubby!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Death
Tagged: Necrophilia, i fucked your mom, piece of crap
“Cartman: Aw...dude. You shot him in the dick.

Butters: Huh?

Cartman: That's not cool Butters. You don't shoot a guy in the dick.

Butters: But I was just trying to stop him and you said—

Cartman: It doesn't matter, Butters! You never shoot a guy in the dick! Everyone knows that! Shooting a guy in the dick!? That's just...that's just weak...I can't believe you, Butters.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 12: The China Probrem
Tagged: Shot in the dick
“Hey you guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? ... Jewbs!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 10: The Return of Chef
Tagged: Jewish, boobs, Jewbs
“Terrance: Scott really hates us, Phillip.

Phillip: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.

Terrance: But we're not gay, Phillip.

Phillip: We're not?”
— Terrance, South Park, Season 2: Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus
Tagged: Homophobic, gay
“Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 2: Summer Sucks
Tagged: Threats, Firecrackers, Nut Sack, balls
“Jimmy: What-what's the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies?

Cartman: We're twice the ninjas you fags are!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 8: Good Times with Weapons
Tagged: Stuttering, Ninja, Pussies
“Where has my country gone?
Where has my country gone?
It was a land of opportunity that we held dear
But now all these other assholes are coming here.”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 19: Where My Country Gone?
Tagged: Assholes, MAGA, Land of Opportunity
“This is terrible, dude. Maury Povich parades these poor people around on his show like carnival freaks and then gives them prizes at the end as if to justify it. What a dick!”
— Kyle Broflovski, South Park, Season 6: Freak Strike
Tagged: maury povich, carnival freaks, dick
“Kyle: [into Cartman's ear] Hey, if you visitors can hear me, bring me back my little brother, goddamn it!

Cartman: Ow, that hurt, you buttlicker!”
— Kyle Broflovski, South Park, Season 1: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
Tagged: Screaming, earache
“[after seeing a crop circle on the news that looks just like him]

Cartman: Hey, that kind of looks like...Tom Selleck.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
Tagged: Tom Selleck, Crop Circle
“Chief Running Water: I knew that she wanted me because she kept saying romantic things.

Mrs. Cartman: 'Oh Chief, I want your hot man-chowder.'

Chief Running Water: Whoa, Hell-o!”
— Ms. Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Cartman's Mom Is a Dirty Slut
Tagged: Hot Man-chowder, Romantic
“Sharon Marsh: Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick?

Stan: [screaming] No! I have to get it out!”
— Sharon Marsh, South Park, Season 2: Conjoined Fetus Lady
Tagged: Suicide Attempts, Delusion
“Two million dollars?! The only way I can raise that kind of money is by whoring myself to every woman in town!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 2: Chef Aid
Tagged: prostitution, raising money, whoring
“Stan: Ah! A snake!

Kyle: No, dude, that's a branch.

Stan: Oh. Ah! It's a snake!

Kyle: No, dude, that's the same branch again.”
— Kyle Broflovski, South Park, Season 3: Rainforest Shmainforest
Tagged: fear of snakes
“...and these are Puff Daddy's kids: P-Diddy Mini, P-Poofy Bite-Size, and Puffa-Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-Size.”
— Will Smith Jr., South Park, Season 5: Here Comes the Neighborhood
Tagged: P. Diddy, Nicknames
“Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
Tagged: Poverty, so poor jokes
“I do not have sex with boys. I like men my own age. Ah! I mean I like women. Ah! What did I just say? I like titties!”
— Mr. Garrison, South Park, Season 4: Cartman Joins NAMBLA
Tagged: NAMBLA, Sex With Boys, Confessions, Titties
“Pip: Joe, do you know anything about women?

Joe: Sure! They're those things with vaginas in 'em!”
— Pip, South Park, Season 4: Pip
Tagged: Women, Vaginas
“Truck Driver: Yeah. Too bad you're not a broad, 'cause I need some goddamn poontang.

Butters: Yeah. I could use some goddamn poontang myself right now.”
— Butters, South Park, Season 5: Butters' Very Own Episode
Tagged: poontang, Goddamn
“Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.”
— Butters, South Park, Season 7: Raisins
Tagged: Pussy, faggy, goth, Clique
“The fact is, I couldn't sleep last night, so I took some Ambien. You ever take that stuff? It turns your brains into oatmeal.”
— Mr. Hankey, South Park, Season 22: The Problem with a Poo
Tagged: Ambien, Brain Fog
“I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat, I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 6: Jared Has Aides
Tagged: weight loss, big-boned
“Part of being a woman is having a friend one day and calling her a slut the next.”
— Bebe's Mother, South Park, Season 6: Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society
Tagged: Women, Slut-shaming, BFFs
“ America may have some problems, but it's our home, our team. And if you don't wanna root for your team, then you should get the hell out of the stadium.”
— Stan Marsh, South Park, Season 5: Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants
Tagged: America, Patriotism, Home Team
“If you want to find some quality friends, you have to wade through all the dicks first.”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 14: You Have 0 Friends
Tagged: Friends, Dicks
“Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals, I'm living proof. Beefcake! Beefcake!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Weight Gain 4000
Tagged: Goals, Dreams, beefcake
“Stan: Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut—

Chef: HIKE THE DAMN BALL!!”
— Chef, South Park, Season 1: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
Tagged: procrastination, Football
“Chef: [talking to Cartman, who's dressed like a Klansman] Remind me to whoop your ass good next time I see you.”
— Chef, South Park, Season 1: Pinkeye
Tagged: KKK, Threats
“Stan: If my mom could cook like Cartman's mom I'd be a big fat ass, too!

Cartman: That's right! [realizes he's been insulted] AY!”
— Eric Cartman, South Park, Season 1: Starvin' Marvin
Tagged: insults, Fat-Shaming
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