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Tracy Morgan Quotes

Total quotes: 12
“A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: book, trouble, Where's Waldo?, barber pole
“I don’t need a birthday. ’Cause I buy myself all the presents I need....And because of my drinking, they’re often a surprise.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Goodbye, My Friend
Tagged: birthday, Birthday Presents, Drinking
“Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you're science. Tell her, Jack!”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 2: Somebody to Love
Tagged: donate, Body, Science, Sex, Pick Up Lines, get her back
“All I do is masturbate. I beat my dick like it owes me money. My dick got a restraining order out on my hand. I woke up one morning and my dick was dialing 911.”
— Tracy Morgan, Howard Stern Comes Again
Tagged: masturbation, dick, 911
“Jenna, I just want you to know that if we find any human remains in there, I’m gonna throw up all over your face.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Cutbacks
Tagged: Human Remains, Vomit
“Ken: Well, you know what they say, money is the root of all evil.

Tracy: I thought that was just a tagline for my movie, Death Bank...”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Flu Shot
Tagged: Money, Evil, Death Bank
“My boy Kenneth is going through some really tough times. They’re trying to make him wear a coat that’s different than his other coat.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: The One with the Cast of Night Court
Tagged: Hard Times, Understatement
“Business rule number one: You should never call somebody an asshole behind they back.”
— Joe 'Dolla' Barry, What Men Want
Tagged: Business, rule, Names, Rude, Advice
“Thanks to you, I now have an unemployed father! You trying to make a stereotype out of me? Did you even vote for Obama?”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: The Bubble
Tagged: stereotypes, Unemployed Father, Obama
“There you are, you stupid cracker. You know why I get a hotel room? To poop in peace. No kids bangin’ on the door, No phones ringin’. It’s my time! Every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00 pm! I don’t know why I only go twice a week.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Kidney Now!
Tagged: Cracker, Anti-White Racial Slurs, Pooping, Peace Of Mind
“Jack: I hope you know how much we value you here at TGS. I like to think of this staff as a family.

Tracy: This is better than a family! No one around here asks me for my damn bone marrow.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: The Bubble
Tagged: Family, Bone Marrow, Staff
“Jake: Tracy, why did you never try to find your father?

Tracy: Because he’s dead.

Jake: How do you know that?

Tracy: Because I’m rich, and if that man was alive, He’d be living in my pool house, And I’d be paying him $200,000 a year to mow my lawn.

Jake: Exactly. That’s all family is...a drain.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Mamma Mia
Tagged: Familly, Inheritance
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