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Spike Feresten

32 quotesScreenwriter · Born Sep 3, 1964 · United States Of America · Male

Michael Donovan "Spike" Feresten Jr. is an American television writer, screenwriter, comedian and television personality, who is best known for his work on Seinfeld, writing for David Letterman, and hosting the late night Talkshow with Spike Feresten from 2006 to 2009 on Fox. He is currently the host of Esquire Network's series Car Matchmaker with Spike Feresten. 2Early life and career Feresten was born in Fall River and raised in West Bridgewater, Massachusetts, where he attended public schools. Feresten then attended Berklee College of Music in Boston, where he planned to prepare for a career in music. However, according to Feresten, while there he was kicked out of his dormitory for dropping light bulbs out of his eighth story window, before seeing David Letterman perform the same stunt on his show a few weeks later. "I thought, 'God, he is getting paid. This is what network television pays you to do. Maybe I need to think twice about this music career.'" Feresten dropped out of college in order to attempt a career in television, working first as an intern at NBC in New York City, before being promoted to receptionist. Feresten began his career writing for Saturday Night Live, where he first got the nickname "Spike" while working there as a receptionis

All Soup (5)Nazis (4)Soup Nazi (3)Breakups (3)Thugs (2)Threats (2)Shmoopy (2)Public Displays of Affection (2)PDA (2)Revenge (2)homeless (2)mean (1)Toasts (1)Puerto Ricans (1)Unemployment (1)

From “The Soup Nazi”

Jerry: You will be stunned. Elaine: Stunned by soup? Jerry: You can’t eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.

Stunned Soup Delicious

You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!

Soup Nazis Soup Nazi

I don't think you wanna get hurt. Because if you wanna get hurt, I can hurt you. Now just back off.

Gay Men Thugs Threats

Yeah. Yeah. With all that kissing and the shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy, shmoopy out in public like that. It's disgusting.

Shmoopy PDA Public Displays of Affection Kissing

I had to listen to a five-minute discussion on which one is actually called Shmoopy.

Shmoopy Public Displays of Affection PDA

I don't think George has ever thought he's better than anybody.

insults Low self-esteem

There's only one caveat—the guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the ordering procedure. He's secretly referred to as the Soup Nazi.

Caveats Soup Nazis Soup Nazi Temperamental

He's not a Nazi. He just happens to be a little eccentric. Most geniuses are.

Soup Nazis Soup Nazi Geniuses Eccentric People

You can't eat this soup standing up; your knees buckle.

Soup Nazis food Foodie

From “The Wig Master”

Well perhaps he thinks that you're working him for the discount. Shaking that little butt of yours into big, big savings....And then when you get it, you know, you drop him like a hot potato.

manipulation Discounts

From “The Little Kicks”

People with guns don't understand. That's why they get guns. Too many misunderstandings.

Guns Gun Control Violence Misunderstandings

Here's to us who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell.

Toasts Hell Go to Hell

From “The Andrea Doria”

George: I gotta call Elaine. Jerry: She’s out. George: Oh, yeah. The blind date. Jerry: They call it a setup, now. I guess the blind people don’t like being associated with all those losers.

blind dates Blind People losers

In closing, these stories have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly, the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.

bald Obesity Stupid Tragedy Horror

I can't be with someone who doesn't break up nicely. I mean, to me, that's one of the most important parts of a relationship.

Breakups Still Friends Relationships

I found out he's a bad breaker-upper…you know when you break up, how you say things you don't mean? Well, he says the mean things you don't mean, but he means them.

Breakups Cruelty mean Bad Breaker-Upper

To Hawaii. The most sought-after postal route of them all. The air is so dewy-sweet you don't even have to lick the stamps. But it's not to be, so I'm hanging it up.

Hawaii Postal Routes Humidity Mailmen

There must be something exciting about this guy if he can arouse that kind of passion.

Bad Breaker-Uppers Passion Breakups Vengeful Exes

From “The Muffin Tops”

I know what you thought. They don't have homes, they don't have jobs, what do they need the top of a muffin for? They're lucky to get the stumps.

Poverty Unemployment homeless

The last thing this guy's qualified to give a tour of is reality.

Sarcasm Reality

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