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Rachel Bloom Quotes

Total quotes: 23
“Ah, not a problem for me. I love a good public poo. It's like, leave it and forget it - not my mess!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 2: Why is Josh’s Ex-Girlfriend Eating Carbs?
Tagged: Poop, Mess, public, Gross
“I always wanted a daughter. My kids are not daughters, they're terrible. I'll tell you about it later - or now.”
— Paula Proctor, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh’s Girlfriend is Really Cool!
Tagged: Daughter, kids, terrible
“Are you taking me off the case? Please don't take me off the case! Because if you take me off the case, that means I'm not working, and if I'm working, it means I have to think thoughts!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: I'm So Happy That Josh Is So Happy!
Tagged: Thoughts, Work, case, Thinking, Overthinking
“Valencia: I don't trust you as far as I can throw you, which is not far because you eat bagels after 8 p.m.

Rebecca: Don't underestimate the joy of a midnight bagel!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh and I Work on a Case!
Tagged: Bagels, food, Midnight Snack, Trust
“This is why I'm growing out my pubic hair - because it makes me feel like a fierce animal!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 2: Why is Josh’s Ex-Girlfriend Eating Carbs?
Tagged: pubic hair, Fierce, animal
“Uh, it's the sexy getting-ready song
The sexy getting-ready song
I'm primpin' and pluckin'
I'm brushin' and rubbin'”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh Just Happens to Live Here!
Tagged: Sexy, getting ready, Song, Self Care
“A true friend is somebody who loves you no matter what. Even if your downward dog is horrible!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh’s Girlfriend is Really Cool!
Tagged: Friendship, true friend, Downward Dog
“I've decided to eat my feelings, and it turns out my feelings are pork rinds, whoopie pies, mac and cheese... Yeah, I'm going full-on Cathy cartoon.”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: I Hope Josh Comes to My Party!
Tagged: Eat My Feelings, Feelings, food
“I think my spleen is somewhere in the municipal sewer system. Ohhhhh, my butthole's the gateway to Hell!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: My First Thanksgiving with Josh!
Tagged: Hell, Butthole, Spleen, Sewer, Gross
“Here is a list of all of the objects that I can hold under my boobs: Stapler, ten pencils, paperback copy of Arabian Knights, dog bone, remote control, hardback copy of Wuthering Heights.”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh's Sister is Getting Married!
Tagged: boobs, Hiding, Materials
“Naomi: Don't touch the air conditioning, I sweat like a pig!

Rebecca: It's like the FROZEN TUNDRA in here!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 2: Will Scarsdale Like Josh's Shayna Punim?
Tagged: cold, frozen, sweating, Mother-Daughter
“Rebecca: I'm sorry, I'm Jewish.

Darryl: Really?

Rebecca: Yeah, but it's okay.

Darryl: I honestly had no idea. That is a tiny nose - it's like a button!”
— Darryl Whitefeather, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh Just Happens to Live Here!
Tagged: Jewish, nose, stereotypes, Button, Cute
“Greg: You're pretty, and you're smart, and you're ignoring me, so you're obviously my type.

Rebecca: I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Greg: Perfect.”
— Greg Serrano, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh Just Happens to Live Here!
Tagged: Type, Smart, Ignoring, Attractive
“I'm gonna let destiny take the wheel, like Jesus supposedly does sometimes.”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 2: Where is Josh's Friend?
Tagged: Destiny, jesus, wheel, Faith, Hope
“That’s what I’ve learned. Most people—most people you meet—are pretty nice.”
— Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s Rachel Bloom Has a Lot to Say
Tagged: Being Nice, kindness
“I wanna lock you in a basement, but in that basement you would also be my personal trainer. I want your abs! Break into your mom's house, collect your baby teeth and turn then into my new retainer. I want your smile! Cook your spit into a chowder, dry your sweat into a powder and do lines of you all through the night!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh’s Girlfriend is Really Cool!
Tagged: creepy, Wannabe, abs, Obsessed
“God, pep talks into a mirror do nothing but enhance the loneliness.”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Paula Needs to Get Over Josh!
Tagged: Pep Talks, Loneliness, enhancement
“I have an I.Q. of 164. On the entire S.A.T., I got two questions wrong and in subsequent years those questions were strickened for being misleading. But I know *nothing* about life! Yeah, no. Truly, nothing! Like, I make AWFUL decisions! Like really, you know, really, really awful decisions.”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh and I Are Good People!
Tagged: Smart, Stupid, Life, Book Smarts, Awful Decisions
“Rebecca: Well, if it isn't Mr. 'I can't come to your party, because I have a bunch of complicated reasons. I prob'ly have to buy more black clothing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.'

Greg: That's a long name I have. Polish?”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: I Hope Josh Comes to My Party!
Tagged: party, excuses, Long Name, Complicated
“I'm the villain in my own story. I'm the witch in my own tale. Though I insist I'm a protagonist, it's clear that my soul is up for sale. I'm the villain in my own story, the bad guy in my TV show. I'm the 'who' in the whodunit, when I go to Hell I'll run it as Satan's CFO!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh Is Going to Hawaii!
Tagged: villain, Soul, Bad Guy, satan
“Greg: Wait, so you left a job in New York to live near the beach? We're four hours from the beach - people say two, but those people are dumb.

Rebecca: Yeah, but it's such a great place. I mean, the motto is 'Live, Work, Play.'

Greg: We have a motto?”
— Greg Serrano, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh Just Happens to Live Here!
Tagged: beach, Moving Away, live, Work, play, Motto, dumb
“Valencia: I actually don't have a lot of girlfriends. The last time I had a solid crew was in high school, but then they all got jealous because I got these amazing boobs, and they were still trolls, and so they spread all these rumors that I, like, slept with the English teacher.

Rebecca: No!

Valencia: I know! Which is a total lie because we only did hand stuff!”
— Valencia Perez, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: Josh’s Girlfriend is Really Cool!
Tagged: girlfriends, Jealousy, Sex, Lies, Hand Stuff
“Greg: A dude just left your apartment! You took some guy home from our date and slept with him? What is wrong with you? I don't understand!

Rebecca: No, see that's it, you don't understand. Like, I'm not... I'm not an adult! Like, what we were doing back at the taco festival, like being like all adulty, that's just not me! Okay? Like, I take advice from butter commercials!”
— Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 1: I'm Going on a Date With Josh's Friend!
Tagged: Wrong, adult, Mistakes, Scared, Advice
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