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Mike Myers Quotes

Total quotes: 32
“Here's my diaper. I think I might have pinched one off too soon. [Sniffs diaper] Oh ya, I left a rosebud in there for ya.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo gold? It's kind of my thing, you know.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Gold Member, Penile Euphemisms
“Austin Powers: Who does number two work for?

Cowboy: That's right buddy you show that turd who's boss.”
— Austin Powers, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best Moments
“First things first, where's your shitter? I've got a turtle head poking out. I'm not kidding I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Christ I'm getting all emotinoal from it, ya know?”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Listen missy, do you fancy another go? Because once you've had fat you never go back.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Of course, I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you. I've got more chins than Chinese phone book. I've not seen my willy in two years which is long enough to declare I'm legally dead.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Shrek: Ogres are like onions...

Donkey: They stink?

Shrek: Yes... No.

Donkey: They make you cry?

Shrek: Nooo!”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“Mole. Bloody mole. We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face. I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Mole, guacamole
“Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say ‘That looks like a penis... only smaller.’”
— Guru Pitka, The Love Guru
Tagged: Intimacy, penis, Micropenis, wiener
“I can't belive Vanessa, my bride, my one true love, the woman who taught me the beauty of monogomy was a fembot all along. Wait a tick, that means I'm single again! Oh, behave!!”
— Austin Powers, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best Moments
“Shrek: I'm going to be a father, how did this happen?

Puss: Allow me to explain. You see when a man loves a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him.

Shrek: I know how it happened!!”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“[after being struck in the groin by a meteor prop] All right, let me find my balls, for God's sakes! 1, 2, and 3, okay. I'm okay.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: humor through ball pain
“[moans] This diaper's making my nuts rub together. It's gonna start a fire.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: diaper, Nuts, crotch jokes
“There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.”
— Nigel Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: intolerance, the dutch
“Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.”
— Garth Algar, Wayne's World
Tagged: Friend, pralines, dick, stupid movies
“Vanessa: Do you smoke Austin?

Austin Powers: I don't know baby I never looked.”
— Austin Powers, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best Moments
“Dr. Evil, let me make you a deal alright? You keep the mojo, you keep the money. And I'll get your baby [while smacking lips].”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“[While looking at a very large castle] Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“Austin Powers: Your spy car's a Mini?

Nigel Powers: It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: small car, Double Entendres
“Donkey: But you love being an ogre. 

Shrek: I know! But I love Fiona more.”
— Shrek, Shrek 2
Tagged: Love, ogre, Sacrifice
“You know, Dr. Evil, I have always thought you were crazy, but now I can see you're nuts. [speaking to the camera] I thank you.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: crazy, Nuts, Self-Referential, Breaking Character
“Come here I'm going to eat you. I'm bigger than you I'm higher on the food chain. Get in my belly!”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“Foxxy Cleopatra: You have the right to remain sexy, sugar.

Austin Powers: Oh, I hope there's a search involved.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Miranda Rights, sexual harassment in the workplace
“I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl. Thank you.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Gender Bending
“Vanessa: What shall we do now?

Austin Powers: I have an idea baby why don't we shag?

Vanessa: Again?

Austin Powers: Sure baby we're only up to Chapter 11 in the Kama Sutra.”
— Austin Powers, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best Moments
“My donkey fell in your waffle hole.”
— Shrek, Shrek
Tagged: Funny Moments, Best of Quotes, Movie Quotes
“Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Vagina Neck
“Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those baby?”
— Austin Powers, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best Moments
“Do you find me sexy? Ohhhh, look at my tit-ays.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
“[looking at the toilet] What? I didn't have any corn!”
— Austin Powers / Dr. Evil / Goldmember / Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: corn in feces, Gross
“Got an issue? Here's a tissue.”
— Nigel Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: boo-hoo
“Austin Powers: Did you just soil yourself?


Fat Bastard: Maybe? It did sound a little wet, didn't it? Right at the end. Let's have a smell alright. Ohh wafting, wafting. Ohh everyone likes their own brand, this is magic. Alright analysis... It smells like carrots and throws up. Ohh that could gag a maggot. I smell like hot sick ass in a dead carcass. Ohh even stink would say that stinks. You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell cooking on each floor and you go what are they cooking? That, plus crap.”
— Fat Bastard, Austin Powers in Goldmember
Tagged: Funny Quotes, Movie Quotes, Best of Quotes
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