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Michelle Wolf Quotes

Total quotes: 11
“We’ve got our friends at CNN here. Welcome guys, it’s great to have you. You guys love breaking news, and you did it, you broke it! Good work!”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: CNN, Fake News
“There’s a lot of print media here there’s a ton of you guys but I’m not gonna go after print media tonight because it’s illegal to attack an endangered species.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Print Media
“ Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with the Trump, let’s get this over with.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Donald Trump, Trump, Sex and Trump
“I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful, but she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Maybe she's born with it; maybe it's lies. It's probably lies.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Sarah Huckabee
“Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay. Mike is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks mmm.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Mike Pence, Political Jokes
“They were like ‘A woman’s probably not gonna jerk off in front of anyone, right?’ And to that I say: Don’t count your chickens.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Me Too
“Trump is so broke he grabs pussies because he thinks there might be loose change in them.”
— Michelle Wolf, Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Trump Is Broke, Donald Trump
“There’s Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: Kellyanne Conway, Aptronyms, Aptronym
“I wouldn't change a single word. I'm very happy with what I said, and I'm glad I stuck to my guns.”
— Michelle Wolf, Michelle Wolf Is Not Sorry
Tagged: White House Correspondent's Dinner, comedy, Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders
“A lot of you might not know who I am. I’m 32 years old, which is a weird age — 10 years too young to host this event, and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
Tagged: 32, Being The Age 32, Political Jokes
“Republicans aren’t easy to make fun of you know it’s like shooting fish in a Chris Christie. But I also want to make fun of Democrats. Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile Nazi Doctor. Oh he’s a doctor.”
— Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents' Dinner: Michelle Wolf FULL monologue
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