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Michaela Watkins

22 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Dec 14, 1971 · United States Of America · Female

Michaela Suzanne Watkins (born December 14, 1971) is an American actress and comedian. She is best known for starring on the Hulu series Casual and on the short-lived ABC sitcom Trophy Wife, as well as a cast member on Saturday Night Live from 2008 to 2009. She has also recurred on television series such as The New Adventures of Old Christine, Enlightened and Transparent, and has had appearances in the films The Back-up Plan (2010), Wanderlust (2012) and Enough Said (2013). 2Early life Watkins was born in Syracuse, New York, the daughter of former Latin teacher mother Myrna Watkins and Syracuse University mathematician father Mark Watkins. She has two sisters, Rebecca Kent and Sarah Fitts. She was raised in DeWitt, New York, a suburb of Syracuse, in a Jewish family. After her parents' divorce, Watkins' mother obtained a marketing degree and relocated the family to Boston when Watkins was 15. She attended Moses DeWitt Elementary School and Wellesley High School in Wellesley, Massachusetts. Michaela graduated from Boston University, where she studied theater and acting. Watkins auditioned for a part in a British farce at a community theater when she was 15, and got the par

All Sex (3)Marriage (2)Addicts (2)Crack (2)Divorce (2)Crackheads (2)Fear (2)shit your pants (1)Honesty (1)Samsung (1)Depression (1)Vietnam (1)Matricide (1)Teachers (1)Ethical (1)

From “Pilot”

I give you a lot of freedom because I trust you to act like an adult. Please don't make me regret that.

Parents and Children Giving Your Kids Freedom

I am not gonna sleep with that guy, okay? He smells like college.

From “...”

It must be hard to be intimate with someone that you don't feel really safe with.

Fear Intimacy Domestic Violence

From “Mom”

Oh, my God, I want to murder her. I do, I want to twist her fucking neck—until her smug face pops off.

Murder Matricide

From “Trivial Pursuit”

I've just been I haven't been sleeping because I got these birds outside my window and they're going, 'Chirp, chirp, chirp,' constantly, and you know, is it wrong that I just want them to die?

Birds Frustration

From “Threesomes”

Nothing's ever as good as you think it's gonna be.

Disappointment

From “Things to Do in Burbank When You're Dead”

It's like watching yourself go through life a second time, only this time you're just a voice, and you never know if anyone is ever listening to you.

Our Facebook profiles are gonna outlive us.

Facebook Longevity Immortality

From “The Table”

And instead I got Samsungs and meatballs and drills, and I just wanted to come home, sit at a table, open up my journal that the girl from Clover said is ethical and eco-friendly, because it's made from the hide of sheep that died from old age, and I just wanted to map out how I was gonna make my…

Samsung Meatballs Ethical Eco-friendly

I would tell the students what a thankless fucking job this is, and not to waste their money learning about things that nobody wants to hear about, even when they're paying you to say 'em.

Teaching Futility Honesty Teachers

From “Look At Me”

I just I'm gonna have to get half a portion of food or, like, a side salad so I look good naked and the whole time I'm gonna be thinking about how hungry I am and how I can't wait for him to finish so I can hurry up and pick up a burrito.

Dieting Salad Sex Burrito Hunger

Alex, this guy is like raw plutonium radiating poison into my skin and breaking me down with his toxic lack of self-awareness.

Plutonium Radiation poison Self-awareness Toxic People

From “The Hermit & the Moon”

Nothing makes me happy. I mean, I have moments where I'm not unhappy, but those are just—more and more rare.

Sadness Depression Ennui Happiness

From “The Rat King”

When I was a kid, I wanted to study earthquakes because I was so terrified of when the big one would hit. I felt like if I could predict it, then I would feel so much safer.

Earthquakes Fear

From “Venus”

She makes you cum in ways that you never thought possible. She performs Reiki that cures your migraines. She cries mid-story, and you think that you're the only one who's ever seen her tears. And then, like the sun, she sets on you, shines on someone else.

Reiki Migraines orgasm

Um I feel like this asshole who's just throwing pebbles at the window of your halfway house and begging you to come out and do an eightball with me, and nobody likes that guy, including that guy.

Crack Crackheads Addicts

Um I feel like this asshole who's just throwing pebbles at the window of your halfway house and begging you to come out and do an eightball with me, and nobody likes that guy, including that guy.

Crack Crackheads Addicts

You know, the end of my marriage was a relationship without sex, and it was not pretty.

Sex Marriage Divorce

You know, the end of my marriage was a relationship without sex, and it was not pretty.

Sex Marriage Divorce

From “99”

If anyone still wants to sleep with me, then they're just gonna have to settle, I guess.

Pregnancy Episiotomy

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