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Michael Crichton Quotes

Total quotes: 33
“[looking at a huge mound of dinosaur feces] That is one big pile of shit.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Shit, feces, dinosaur feces
“Tim: [after climbing down the tree to escape the falling car] I hate trees!

Lex: They don't bother me.

Tim: Oh. yeah? Well, you weren't in the last one!”
— Tim Murphy, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Trees
“[has tried to get rid of the Dilophosaurus by throwing a stick for it to fetch, which it ignores] Ah, no wonder you're extinct. I'm gonna run you over when I come back down!”
— Dennis Nedry, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Extinct, Threat
“[seeing the dinosaurs for the first time] You did it. You crazy son of a bitch, you did it.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Triumph
“She didn’t marry your penis...Okay, she didn’t only marry your penis.”
— Dr. Melissa Reeves, Twister
Tagged: penis, size queen
“[Crying with fright after a pair of tornados spun their truck around a few times]
When you used to tell me that you chase tornados, deep down I thought it was just a metaphor.”
— Dr. Melissa Reeves, Twister
Tagged: tornado chasing, Metaphor
“You’ve never seen it miss this house, and miss that house, and come after you!”
— Dr. Jo Harding, Twister
Tagged: Tornado
“Dr. Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.

Dr. Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: God, Dinosaurs, Women
“Dr. Ellie Sattler: So, what are you thinking?

Dr. Alan Grant: We're out of a job.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Don't you mean extinct?”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: unemployed, Extinct
“T-Rex doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt. Can't just suppress 65 million years of gut instinct.”
— Dr. Alan Grant, Jurassic Park
Tagged: T-Rex, Instinct
“We have all the problems of a major theme park and a major zoo and the computer's not even on its feet yet.”
— Arnold, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Problems, theme park, Zoo
“[as they pass through the gigantic park gates] What have they got in there, King Kong?”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: king kong
“Lex: I'm a hacker!

Tim: That's what I said: you're a nerd.

Lex: I am not a computer nerd. I prefer to be called a hacker!”
— Tim, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Hacker, nerd
“We've made living biological attractions so astounding that they'll capture the imagination of the entire planet.”
— John Hammond, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Imagination, biological attractions
“John Hammond: ...And there's no doubt; our attractions will drive kids our of their minds!

Dr. Alan Grant: And what are those?

Dr. Ellie Sattler: Small versions of adults, honey...”
— Dr. Alan Grant, Jurassic Park
Tagged: kids, small adults
“Jo: [cow flies by in the storm while in Bill’s truck] Cow.

[cow flies by in the storm]

Jo: another cow.

Bill: Actually, I think that was the same one.”
— Dr. Jo Harding, Twister
Tagged: Tornado, flying cow
“Dusty: [seeing Bill for the first time in a long time] The extreme! IT’S THE EXTREME!

Bill: Oh, man. Don’t start that shit.”
— Bill Harding, Twister
Tagged: Extreme, Shit
“God help us, we're in the hands of engineers.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: engineers
“Boy, do I hate being right all the time!”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Being Right
“Dr. Alan Grant: [watching Gennaro jump out of the tour car and sprint to the Port-A-Potty at the sight of the T-Rex] Well, where does he think he's going?

Dr. Ian Malcolm: When you gotta go, you gotta go.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: urinary incontinence, port-a-potty, Public Urination
“Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Dr. Alan Grant: I don't know. What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus.

Dr. Alan Grant: Ha ha. Good one.”
— Dr. Alan Grant, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Dinosaurs, Dinosaur Jokes
“I gotta go Julia, we got cows.”
— Dr. Melissa Reeves, Twister
Tagged: Cows, gotta go
“Why can’t we spend a normal day together?”
— Bill Harding, Twister
Tagged: normalcy
“John Hammond: All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Yeah, but, John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.”
— John Hammond, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Disneyland, 1956, Pirates of the Caribbean, tourists
“ [while being chased by the T-Rex] Must go faster.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: faster, Fight or Flight, Fear
“No one escapes from life alive.”
— Michael Crichton, Congo
Tagged: Life, Death, Escape
“All human behavior has a reason. All behavior is solving a problem.”
— Michael Crichton, Disclosure
Tagged: How To Think, The Art of Awareness, Psychology, Philosophy
“Dr. Alan Grant: You got any kids?

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Me? Oh, hell yeah, three. I love kids. Anything at all can and does happen. Same with wives, for that matter.

Dr. Alan Grant: You're married?

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Occasionally. Yeah, I'm always on the lookout for a future ex-Mrs. Malcolm.”
— Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
Tagged: kids, wives, married, divorced
“Volunteer Boy: That doesn't look very scary. More like a six-foot turkey.

Dr. Alan Grant: A turkey, huh? OK, try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this 'six foot turkey' as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex—he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, [makes 'whooshing' sound] from the other two raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... [he produces raptor claw from his pocket] A six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here, or here... [he lightly 'slashes' across the kid's body with the raptor claw]

Dr. Ellie Sattler: Oh, Alan...

Dr. Alan Grant: Or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know, try to show a little respect.

Volunteer Boy: OK. [Alan leaves the now slightly frightened kid]”
— Dr. Alan Grant, Jurassic Park
Tagged: Turkey, velociraptor, cretaceous period
“Bill: [after the tornado passes by them at the drive-in movie theater] Honey, it’s Meg. I gotta go.

Melissa: I’m going back.

Bill: Good, good, you’ll be safe at the motel. I’ll see you in the morning.

Melissa: I won’t be there.

Bill: What? Why? What are you saying?

Melissa: I’m saying goodbye.

Bill: No...

Melissa: You know what? I can’t compete with this. I don’t even know where to start.

Bill: Wait, don’t do this now, please.

Melissa: Sooner or later it would have ended, we both know that. The funny thing is...I’m not that upset. What does that mean?

Bill: I never meant for any of this to happen/

Melissa: Oh Billy, I know. It’s okay. You go ahead. She needs you. I hope that Aunt Meg’s okay.

Bill: What about you?

Melissa: Oh, don’t worry about me. I know my way home.”
— Dr. Melissa Reeves, Twister
Tagged: Breakups, goodbye, Not Meant To be
“Dr. Alan Grant: [finding egg shells] Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a dinosaur egg. The dinosaurs are breeding.

Tim: But Grandpa said all the dinosaurs were girls.

Dr. Alan Grant: Amphibian DNA.

Lex: What's that?

Dr. Alan Grant: Well, on the tour, the film said they used frog DNA to fill in the gene sequence gaps. They mutated the dinosaur genetic code and blended it with that of a frog's. Now, some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Malcolm was right. Look... [we see a trail of baby dinosaur footprints]

Dr. Alan Grant: Life found a way.”
— Dr. Alan Grant, Jurassic Park
Tagged: dinosaur eggs, Frogs, DNA, west african, baby dinosaurs
“Dr. Jonas Miller: [explaining what his own version of Dorothy can do when Bill uppercuts him in the face] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Bill: You son of a bitch. What’d you think, I wouldn’t find out?

[grabs Jonas by his shirt and begins to fight]

Dr. Jonas Miller: What is the matter with you?

Bill: You stole my design, you son of a bitch.

[continues to fight with Jonas then Bill’s team and Jonas’ team breaks them up]

Dr. Jonas Miller: The hell are you talking about?

Bill: Dorothy. You took her, you damn thief.

Dr. Jonas Miller: [realizes what Bill is talking about] Oh, I get it. You want to take credit for MY design.

Bill: She was OUR idea and you know it.

Dr. Jonas Miller: Unrealized idea...unrealized.”
— Bill Harding, Twister
Tagged: Plagiarism, Assault, Son of a Bitch
“[Bill needs Jo’s signature on divorce papers]

Jo: So you want the papers?

Bill: I did drive all the way out here for ‘em.

Jo: They’re signed and ready.

Bill: Good, good. Let’s see ‘em.

Jo: Do you need them right this second?

Bill: Well, it’d be nice.

Jo: What’s the urgent urgency? You act like you’re getting married.

Bill: I am.

Jo: [after a shocked pause] Wow.

Bill: Yeah.

Jo: [while talking to her truck as Bill follows her] Is it Melinda?

Bill: Melissa.

Jo: Wasn’t there a Melinda in there somewhere?

Bill: No, there’s only been Melissa since you.

Jo: Boy, not much for browsing, are you?”
— Dr. Jo Harding, Twister
Tagged: divorce papers, remarry, rebound relationship
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