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Melanie LaForce

9 quotes

All humor (9)Metaphor (2)Cthulhu (1)Acknowledgement (1)Rumination (1)KMart (1)young (1)Shopping (1)Water-Skiing (1)Old Lady (1)sarcastic (1)Wolf Pack (1)Screens (1)Pride (1)Flamingo (1)

From “Corn-Fed”

Chicago is superior to cities such as Boston, which had no urban planning whatsoever and whose streets resemble a bowl of spaghetti. Being eaten by Satan.

Chicago City Boston Urban Planning spaghetti

It is widely accepted in current times that newborn babies are a Cthulhu level of ugly.

Cthulhu Mythology Newborn Babies babies ugly

Acknowledgement form a dude-object-of-desire is the brain chemical equivalent of snorting heroin while water-skiing with a litter of puppies.

Acknowledgement Object of Desire Brain Chemicals Heroin Water-Skiing

Since I was very young, my mom has told me I have “champagne tastes.” This meant that I preferred the non-clearance clothing racks at KMart.

young Childhood champagne humor Bougie

With any luck, you’ll find a good pack that will protect you, howl with you, and toss you a scrap of dead possum meat from the side of the road.

Luck Protection Wolf Pack Howl Possum

On the Midwest: People call us the heart of America; we pride ourselves on being real, salt of the earth folks who help each other out, swap creamed corn recipes, have euchre tournaments, and debate good-naturedly over who makes the best deep dish pizza. (Seriously, only tourists eat that shit.)

Midwest Heart of America USA Middle America Pride

The world currently expects us to look like a Kardashian-Jenner, with perfectly symmetrical facial features and the hip-waist ratio of a sexy flamingo.

Kardashians Entertainment Beauty Standards Sexy Flamingo

After decades of practice, I have become a champion ruminator. There is no rational argument I cannot outworry. Someday, Individual Freestyle Worrying will become an Olympic sport and it will all pay off.

Pracitice Decades champion Rumination worry

If I can put on my old lady hat for a moment, I will say that teens spend too much time on screens and not enough time making out behind Sbarro dumpsters. Oral herpes rates have dropped to a disturbing all-time low!

Old Lady Teens Screens Technology Gen Z

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