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Max Greenfield Quotes

Total quotes: 21
“I don’t celebrate Christmas. Or, as I like to call it, ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 2: Santa
Tagged: Christmas, white, Winter, Privilege Night
“I’m like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is like a unique experience.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: New Girl
Tagged: Sex, unique, Variety
“I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: The 23rd
Tagged: figure, skating, Mom, sobered, realized, Boy
“Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They’re like the people version of pleated pants.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Backslide
Tagged: Old People, Freak, hands, legs, version, pleated pants
“Know this: your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, and Paxil.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 2: Parents
Tagged: Caveman, manhood, exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty, Paxil
“The economy stinks, bees are dying, and movies are pretty much all sequels now.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Backslide
Tagged: Economy, Bees, Dying, Movies, sequels, upset
“I'm the squirrel and you're my nut. Winter is coming and I'm gonna store you in my cheek girl.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 2: Table 34
Tagged: Pickup Lines, Absurd Things to Say to a Girl, Squirrels
“Damn it! I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: The Story of the 50
Tagged: Driving, moccasins, upset
“Please take that off. You look like a homeless pencil.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 2: Bachelorette Party
Tagged: take that off, homeless, Pencil
“Youths!”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Valentine's Day
Tagged: Youths, youngings, Young People, kids
“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: The Story of the 50
Tagged: Personalized, condoms, Excited
“Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this – prison?”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 2: Katie
Tagged: Cooking, frittata, sauce pan, Prison, Questions
“You cannot just call me at any time and just summon me for intercourse.”
— Schmidt,
Tagged: Sex, Being Used, Intercourse
“If you need me, I’ll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 3: The Captain
Tagged: Room, Music, Listening, Mainstream, Hip-Hop
“Winston, you’ve been staring at this girl for 5 minutes. Please tell me you’re checking her out, otherwise you’re a serial killer. Which would explain a lot.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 2: Fluffer
Tagged: staring, checking her out, serial killer
“Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Control
Tagged: Pine, loft, Poor People, outhouses, prestigious
“What if he gets into an accident? What if he’s horribly disfigured, and I have to identify him, and all that remains are his private parts? I’m standing there, I’m saying, ‘Sorry, officer, I can’t help you, because no, I haven’t seen his penis.’ An then boom, he’s buried in an unmarked grave.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Naked
Tagged: accident, horribly, private parts, penis, unmarked grave
“Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 3: Cruise
Tagged: cellar, jam
“I hate your mustache because I miss your upper lip.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, Season 7: About Three Years Later
Tagged: Strange Things to Say, Odd Compliments
“Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Secrets
Tagged: moment, Celebrate, take a moment
“Schmidt happens.”
— Schmidt, New Girl, New Girl Season 1: Kryptonite
Tagged: Life, Shit Happens, Problems
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