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Max Blum Quotes

Total quotes: 15
“I'm sorry, I like to call celebrities by the name they prefer: Bobby De Niro, Sandy Bullock, Eddie Jimmy Olmos.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Secrets and Limos
Tagged: Celebrities, Names, Nicknames
“Even I think rollerblades are gay, and I had sex with a dude last night. ”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Rollerblades, Sex, Men, gay
“Max: You should watch the gay history channel. 

Dave: That's a thing?

Derrick: Yeah, it's called Bravo.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: You Snooze, You Bruise
Tagged: gay, History Channel, Bravo
“Are you part of the conspiracy? Are you all doing this because you think l'm chubby? My doctor says l retain water like a pregnant woman in a humid climate, which is a real condition.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 1: Your Couples Friends & Neighbors
Tagged: pregnant, fat, chubby, Water, Medical Condition
“Avi: Please, don't touch me! I'll explode like a water bottle on a cross country flight to Albuquerque.

Max: Where's that flight from?

Avi: JFK.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Cocktails & Dreams
Tagged: Water Bottle, flights, Personal Space
“You wanted me to be happy? I almost was, and then you ruined it. So if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home, hard-boil an egg, and eat it on the toilet. L'Chaim.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 3: Fowl Play/Date
Tagged: Happy, ruin, upset
“What a graceful swan of a lady.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: The Kerkovich Way
Tagged: Graceful, Swan, metaphor example
“Max: [acting as a tour guide with his limo] Welcome to Chicago! Now here's a fun fact. Chicago was originally nicknamed the Window City, but another city had that nickname first, so, thanks a lot, Omaha!

Tourist: Really? That doesn't sound right.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Yesandwitch
Tagged: Tourist, fake, Windy City, Lies, Tourism, Nickname
“You know what I was thinking about? If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Moore, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore? Hm.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Party of Six
Tagged: Inception, Marriage, Divorce, Moore
“How can you tell a man not to follow his dream?”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 1: Dave of the Dead
Tagged: Dream, Question, Life
“You don't need a gay husband... 'cause you're my gay husband.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 1: The Quicksand Girlfriend
Tagged: gay, husband, couple
“I like tough girls, real tough... men.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 1: Why Can't You Read Me?
Tagged: Tough, Men, Attraction
“Ya, TV really is nature's babysitter.”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Full Court Dress
Tagged: TV, Nature, babysitter, Easy
“Well, you lose some you lose some, right?”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: The Kerkovich Way
Tagged: Motto, Lose, Win Some Lose Some
“Anyway, there are two types of guys in this world -- one guy who makes a detailed calendar of everything they're gonna do for the next five years of their life, and then the other guy, who draws weird penises on said calendar just to piss calendar guy off. ”
— Max Blum, Happy Endings, Season 2: Cocktails & Dreams
Tagged: Extended Metaphor Example, calendar, joke
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