Leon Phelps Quotes

Total quotes (13)

Leon Phelps

Leon Phelps

Character

Portrayed by Tim Meadows

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Total quotes (13)

Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh...was your father a meat burglar? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

meat burglar fine hams ass

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I will probably begin with a very classy first line...something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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Well, Lance, you're clearly gay. There's nothing really else to say about that. I think you all know that. And that's cool, but, you know, you were trying to oil me up and that's not really cool.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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Yeah, well, you suffer from homo-unerectus. That means your wang is hugeified not by women but by a man.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

erectile dysfunction gay

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Soul Station Manager: Mr. Phelps, I see you've listed ‘dabut’ under your hobbies?

Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's ‘da butt.’

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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Ya know, when a man works hard his entire life enduring hundreds of ladies, many of whom he does not even remember you'd like to think that at the end of the day he will be given a lot of money, without having had to earn it.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the classiest most sophisticated, educated, debutante, high society...bus station skank.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

Love skank Debutante

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How long have you been uhh nunnin' it up?

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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So...you...don't want a fish sandwich?

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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But guys you cannot blame the wang.

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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Well, listen baby. My car, uh, doesn't exist, so...

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

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What is love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamonds? Does not the wind love the dirt? Is not love not unlike the unlikely not it is unlikened to? Are you with someone tonight? Do not question your love. Take your lover by the hand. Release the power within yourself. Your heard me, release the power. Tame the wild cosmos with a whisper. Conquer heaven with one intimate caress. That's right don't be shy. Whip out everything you got and do it in the butt. By Leon Phelps

— Leon Phelps (Tim Meadows), The Ladies Man

Love Longing Togetherness Diamond Cosmos butt

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Related quotes to Leon Phelps tagged Chlamydia, Soup

Doctor: You've tested positive for... chlamydia.

Dylan: ...That—that doesn't sound positive.

— Dylan Witter (Johnny Flynn), Lovesick, Season 1: Abigail

Chlamydia positive

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You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi

Soup Nazis Soup Nazi

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Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you are hot.

— turddicken, Life is like a bowl of soup.

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The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli.

— George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld, Season 5: The Marine Biologist

Anger Delis Ocean Soup Old Men

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There's only one caveat—the guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the ordering procedure. He's secretly referred to as the Soup Nazi.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi

Caveats Soup Nazis Soup Nazi Temperamental Anger

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He's not a Nazi. He just happens to be a little eccentric. Most geniuses are.

— Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi

Soup Nazis Soup Nazi Geniuses Eccentric People

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Jerry: You will be stunned.

Elaine: Stunned by soup?

Jerry: You can’t eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.

— Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi

Stunned Soup Delicious

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You can't eat this soup standing up; your knees buckle.

— Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi

Soup Nazis food Foodie

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