Leila Gerstein Quotes

Total quotes (7)

Leila Gerstein

Leila Gerstein

Birthname

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Screenwriter

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Total quotes (7)

We get the turkey baster full of old-man jizz, shoved up our twats so we can maybe pop out a baby for the Fatherland.

— Moira (Samira Wiley), The Handmaid's Tale, Season 1: Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

Artificial Insemination Fatherland Pregnancy

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The doctor's office is on the other side of town. That's a whole hour each way, if I walk slow. An hour of outside and rain and flowers and fresh fucking air.

— Offred (June Osborne) (Elisabeth Moss), The Handmaid's Tale, Season 1: Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

Walking Rain Exercise Fresh Air Doctor's Office

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The most painful thing is not the betrayal of trust, June. Do you know what's most painful? The most painful thing in this entire ugly incident is the ingratitude.

— Aunt Lydia (Ann Dowd), The Handmaid's Tale, Season 1: Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

Trust Betrayal Pain ugly Ingratitude

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Soon you will be leaving us for new homes, a new family. And they won't judge you for your looks, or your clothes, or your ability to sound clever.

— Aunt Lydia (Ann Dowd), The Handmaid's Tale, Season 1: Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

looks Change clever Family

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The only thing that has ever been real is me and you.

— Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), Gossip Girl, Season 4: The Princesses and the Frog

True Love real Me and You

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Don't leave. Everybody leaves.

— Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), Gossip Girl, Season 4: Touch of Eva

Leaving Fear Of Abandonment

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, bitches.

— Offred (June Osborne) (Elisabeth Moss), The Handmaid's Tale, Season 1: Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

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Related quotes to Leila Gerstein tagged Artificial Insemination, Fatherland, Pregnancy

I am not homophobic. In fact, I have two gay dads. See, I was born out of love. My two dads screened potential surrogates based on beauty and IQ. Then they mixed their sperm together and used a turkey baster. To this day we don't know which one is my real dad, which I think is pretty amazing.

— Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), Glee, Season 1: Pilot

Homophobia beauty IQ Artificial Insemination

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Victory Day is both a state and a very personal, family holiday. It has become a symbol of a sacred relation of Russia and its people. And this unity, devotion to fatherland is a core to our strength, confidence and dignity.

— Vladimir Putin, Vladimir Putin unleashes 'miniskirt army' - but is it sexist?

Moscow's Red Square Russia Victory Day Fatherland

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Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus where it attaches to the wall...

Red: Eric, for God's sakes, that's no language for a woman to hear!

— Red Forman (Kurtwood Smith), That '70s Show, Season 1: Eric's Birthday

egg fallopian tube uterus Pregnancy Language Woman

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Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, "Hey, at least I'm not pregnant

— Daniel Tosh, Wikiquote.org: Daniel Tosh

humor Pregnancy pregnant test Feeling Down Sad Troubles Feeling Emotion

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In reality, pregnancy medical care seemed to be one long list of rules.

— Emily Oster, Thinking About Pregnancy Like an Economist

Pregnancy Moms babies Women Motherhood Parenting

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One-eyed, bat-shit-crazy Janine. What will she give birth to? An Unbaby, with a pinhead or a snout like a dog's or no heart? The chances for a healthy birth are one in five, if you can get pregnant at all.

— Offred (June Osborne) (Elisabeth Moss)

Pregnancy Birth Defects

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Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.

— Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Misfortunes wombs Pregnancy

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I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

— Ellen Degeneres, Seriously...I'm Kidding

Women in Comedy Drunk Drinking Pregnancy

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Hey, yeah, uh, I'm just calling to procure a hasty abortion.

— Juno, Juno

humor Pregnancy

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Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies
"I feel like my girl will be an athlete, she kicks so much in there it's unbelieavable!"
"Oh, I'm sure mine will be a comedian."
"How can you be so sure?"
"You wouldn't get it. It's an inside joke.

— Kawaii_Desu-Chan, Two pregnant women are talking about their future babies

pregnant Pregnancy athlete comedian

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Nurse: When was the fetus conceived?

Mrs. Cartman: Eight years ago.

Nurse: So that would make the fetus—

Mrs. Cartman: Eight years old.

Nurse: That places you in what we call the fortieth trimester.

— Ms. Cartman (Mary Kay Bergman), South Park, Season 2: Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut

Fetus Pregnancy

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Could this really be true? Could the basic premise of five torturous, expensive, and sad years’ worth of IVF—the very cornerstone of Western medical reproductive orthodoxy—be wrong? Could I still have good eggs?

— Elizabeth Katkin, It Took 7 Miscarriages, 10 IVF cycles, 9 Years, and Nearly $200,000 to Solve My Fertility Issues

eggs Fertility IVF Fertility Issues Miscarriage Pregnancy

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Eve Baxter: Stick around. You'll learn something about the world.

Mandy Baxter: I know all about the world. I was already in it while you were still busy ruining Mom's body.

— Mandy Baxter (Molly Ephraim), Last Man Standing, Season 4: Sinkhole

Condescension Pregnancy insults

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You don't just feel pregnant 30 seconds after a man cums.

— Offred (June Osborne) (Elisabeth Moss)

Pregnancy orgasm

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The message behind loving your body is a well-intended one, but it’s not for everyone.

— De Elizabeth, “Body Neutrality” Is the Best That I Can Do

Moms Bodies Body after Pregnancy Pregnancy Body Image Body Positivity Self-Love Self-Acceptance

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The weight a woman gains during pregnancy, known as gestational weight gain (GWG), has important health implications for both mother and child.

— Nicholas P. Deputy, Gestational Weight Gain — United States, 2012 and 2013

Pregnancy Parenting Motherhood

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What’s the difference between a nine-month-pregnant woman and a supermodel? Nothing—if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.

— Unknown, 25 Brilliant Jokes About Pregnancy (Because Every Pregnant Woman Needs To LOL)

Pregnancy dad jokes

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