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Julia Louis-Dreyfus Quotes

Total quotes: 46
“We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Puerto Ricans, Festive
“Elaine: Where’s Kramer?

Jerry: Who knows? It’s like asking where’s Waldo.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Heart Attack
Tagged: Where's Waldo?
“I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Subway
Tagged: Lesbianism, Men Suck, Misandry, Dating
“Jerry: You will be stunned.

Elaine: Stunned by soup?

Jerry: You can’t eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi
Tagged: Stunned, Soup, Delicious
“It's the best part. It's crunchy, it's explosive, it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Muffin Tops
Tagged: Muffin Tops, Entrepreneurs, Million-Dollar Idea
“'Cause I've met some people, ok? Real people. And a lot of them are fucking idiots.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Catherine
Tagged: Stupid, idiots, Silly, real people
“I mean the problem is that the good ones know they're good. And they know they're in such demand they're just not interested in confining themselves to one person.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Fix-Up
Tagged: Dating, Good Guys, Players
“Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Cockfights, Marriage, Adulting
“Selina Meyer: Can I really blame another country for something they didn't do?

Ben Cafferty: It's been the cornerstone of American foreign policy since the Spanish-American War.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 5: The Eagle
Tagged: Foreign Policy, Spanish-American War, USA Imperialism
“I was married to a Devil Dog, but he wasn't a Marine. He was more of a devil.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: Devil Dog , marine, devil, Ex-Husband
“You know, men can sit through the most boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Movie
Tagged: Topless, breasts, Men
“Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Smelly Car
Tagged: odor, Stench, Bad Smells, Hard of Smelling
“Yeah, it was, but then I just couldn't decide if he was really sponge-worthy.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Sponge
Tagged: Sponge-Worthy, Spongeworthy, Contraceptive Sponges, Sex
“I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave
Tagged: Foreign Currency, travel, Annoyance, Threats
“Are you kidding, he's a mimbo, I know that…but he's my mimbo, you know even if he is a hideous freak maybe, maybe I can learn to love him, maybe in some final irony, I'll learn what love really is.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stall
Tagged: Superficiality, Mimbo, Attraction, Love
“I found out he's a bad breaker-upper…you know when you break up, how you say things you don't mean? Well, he says the mean things you don't mean, but he means them.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Andrea Doria
Tagged: Breakups, Cruelty, mean, Bad Breaker-Upper
“I have spent a lot of time, and I have eaten a lot of crap to get to where I am today. And I am NOT throwing it all away now.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Strike
Tagged: eating, Incentives, Sub Sandwiches
“Jerry, you have tendencies. They're always annoying, but they were just tendencies. But now, if you can't kiss this girl, I'm afraid we're talking disorder.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Pothole
Tagged: Germophobia, ocd, Tendencies, Psychological Disorders
“Poor little Bubble Boy. He's sitting there waiting for you in his bubble, or igloo thing or whatever.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Bubble Boy
Tagged: Illness, Oxygen Tent
“Oh, hey, listen, by the way, have you seen a tall...lanky...doofus with a, with a bird face and hair like the Bride of Frankenstein?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Movie
Tagged: Caricatures, Bride of Frankenstein
“Jerry, you are promoting a benefit to CLOTHE homeless people. You can't come out dressed like that! You're all puffed up! You look like the Count of Monte Cristo!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Puffy Shirt
Tagged: homeless people, Count of Monte Cristo, Charity Events
“I think this is the same one I gave him. He recycled this gift. He's a regifter!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Label Maker
Tagged: Regifting
“Kramer, you don't understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Scofflaw
Tagged: Breakups, Upper Hand, Power Struggles
“Well, all those mechanics do is work all day with their hands and their big, muscular arms on machines, and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. What a huge turnoff that is.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Fusilli Jerry
Tagged: Mechanics, Attraction, Manual Labor, muscles, Stanley Kowalski
“You made a man cry? I've never made a man cry. I even kicked a guy in the groin once and he didn't cry.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 1: Male Unbonding
Tagged: Crying, Slapstick
“God, there's so many people in here. It's like a Mormon orgy.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 3: New Hampshire
Tagged: Mormon, Orgy, crowded
“Are you saying that I could be dating this hair? With you under it?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Baldness, Shaved Heads, hair
“We just tease someone 'til they develop an eating disorder.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Library
Tagged: Cruelty, Gossip, Mean Girls, eating disorders, bullying
“Who else has a bucketful of senators?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Chung
Tagged: bucket, Senators, Question
“Dan, you're going to have to clean up your own shitty diaper.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: D.C.
Tagged: diaper, Clean, Demand
“I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Pie
Tagged: Food Is Greater Than People, Food Over People, Pie, Deserts, Good Reasons To Break Up With Someone
“What is that skirt? Is it a rug?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Catherine
Tagged: Skirt, rug, Question
“Beer makes me so gassy.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Chung
Tagged: Beer, Gassy , Gross
“The men get the situation room, I get the shituation room?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: Hostages
Tagged: Word Play, Sitution Room, unfair
“What are you laughing at, Jolly Green Jizzface?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: The Vic Allen Dinner
Tagged: Diss, Sassy, Jolly
“Don't give me that Quaker in a titty bar look.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 2: Helsinki
Tagged: quaker, Judge, look
“I need to show that I’m a lone, fierce she-wolf.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 7: Iowa
Tagged: She-Wolf
“Selina Meyer: You want me to be some sorta party puppet? You can stick your hand up my ass and work my mouth?

Andrew Doyle: Yes, please!

Selina Meyer: [to her staff] And what were you bobbleheads doing while I was just getting earfucked by Father Time?”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 3: Alicia
Tagged: earfucked, father time, Puppet, Bobbleheads
“I don't have room in my head for yogurt.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 1: Frozen Yoghurt
Tagged: yogurt, Head Space , mindful
“Get the government out of my fucking snatch.”
— Selina Meyer, Veep, Season 3: The Choice
Tagged: Government, Pro Choice, Women
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