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John Swartzwelder Quotes

Total quotes: 19
“Bart: TV sucks.

Homer: I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 4: Itchy & Scratchy
Tagged: TV, Sucks, upset, Pretend, Ignore
“Everything lasts forever.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: Everything, Forever, Everlasting
“Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: glory, Fleeting, remember
“Eat my shorts!”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Treehouse of Horror
Tagged: Catchphrase, Eat, Shorts, Diss
“Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Tagged: big, treat, rice krispie square, rich, live
“Don't you see? Getting what you want all time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Homer the Great
Tagged: Getting What You Want, Unfulfilled, joyless
“Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 1: The Crepes of Wrath
Tagged: Fighting, argument, Debate, America, Land of Opportunity, Capitalism, Blood, workers
“Bart, the only reason to apologize is if you look deep down inside yourself and you find a spot, something you wish wasn't there, because you feel bad you hurt your sister's feelings.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Bart vs. Thanksgiving
Tagged: Apologize, spot, hurt, feel bad
“Homer: Aw, where did I lose 'em? I'll never wiggle my bare butt in public again.

Lisa: I'd like to believe that this time. I really would.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Rosebud
Tagged: Lose, Wiggle, butt, public, Belief, skeptical
“Lisa: This show is the biggest farce I ever saw!

Bart: What about the Emmys?

Lisa: I stand corrected.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
Tagged: Farce, Emmys, corrected, show
“No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 3: Homer at the Bat
Tagged: Good, better, Million, no matter
“Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: The War of the Simpsons
Tagged: Respect, ever did, ever will, Sassy
“Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets Famous
Tagged: hello, Phone, Speak Up, towel, Naked
“I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.”
— Marge Simpson , The Simpsons, Season 2: Treehouse of Horror
Tagged: live, House, Evil, Money
“Hey, cool, I'm dead.”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Bart Gets Hit by a Car
Tagged: cool, dead, realization
“There’s a 4:30 in the morning now?”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: Bart's Comet
Tagged: early, Morning, Questions
“Ew, baby spit! YOU suck.”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 2: Treehouse of Horror
Tagged: Ew, ick, baby spit, suck
“Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 10: The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
Tagged: Advice, shot, Women
“Lisa: And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.

Homer: [breaking a lamp] D'oh!

Bart: Ay, caramba!

Marge: [groans]

Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]

Flanders: Hi-dilly-ho!

Barney: [belches]

Nelson: Ha, ha!

Mr. Burns: Excellent.”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Bart Gets Famous
Tagged: Catchphrase, Iconic, character, Silly
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