John Duda Quotes

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John Duda

John Duda

Birthname

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Total quotes (6)

Getting married at 23 is all fun and games until you realize that you should have waited until your spouse could afford a ring from somewhere other than Claires.

— John Duda, I Can't Change My Own Oil And According To Twitter This Makes Me A Beta Male With A Weak Handshake

LOL humor Roasted

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I wish that I could be productive, functioning member of society when it gets nice outside but that’s not how this works.

— John Duda, Terrible Habits I'm Going To Pick Back Up Now That Summer's Here

humor Bad Habits

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I don’t need a Commando 450 like Kramer got on the black market in that episode of Seinfeld, but I think I do need to go with a double shower head. I could even make this a fun little Saturday chore.

— John Duda, The Water Pressure In My Apartment Is Big Trash

LOL humor Showers showering Bathing

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I apologize for the vagueness, but I want it to smell like nothing, and right now it smells like something.

— John Duda, I Don't Know How To Put This, But I Want My Apartment To Smell Like Nothing

LOL Homes Home Smells Aesthetic

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As I creep closer towards 30 years old I’m finding myself researching the best kind of coffee bean to buy and whether or not this Cuisinart is a machine that can brew me a solid cup. I need to get a life.

— John Duda, The Coffee I Brew At Home Isn't As Good As The Stuff At My Favorite Coffee Shop And I'm Getting Angry About It

LOL humor Coffee

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I won’t eat (except when I get hungry). I won’t sleep (unless of course I get tired). And I certainly won’t drink (unless I get bored while staking out the stoop in front of my door and my tummy starts begging me for some nog).

— John Duda, Bad News For Whoever Is Stealing Packages At My Apartment: I’m Officially On The Case

LOL Stolen Mail Stolen Packages Amazon Prime Fa La La La La

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Related quotes to John Duda tagged Lol, Humor

What do ants get when they do all their chores? An allow-ants.

— Anonymous, 50 Short Corny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Funny Jokes Laugh Out Loud LOL

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My husband told me he thinks my sexual orientation is 'being right' and I’ve never felt more seen.

— Jessica Valenti, via twitter.com

Being Right LOL humor Sassy True Quote of the Moment

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I don’t know why I bring out this craziness in women, but somehow I do, and it’s not always pretty. — Donald Trump

I don’t know why I bring out this craziness in women, but somehow I do, and it’s not always pretty.

— Donald Trump, Donald Trump's books reveal his obsession with women — and himself

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You can't do anything about that heat rash, or that sunburn, or that fatigue. You can only endure more of it, until the day morphs into one you will never forget for all the wrong reasons.

— Anne T. Donahue, Here's why I'm never going to the beach

LOL humor Summer The Beach

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My favorite measure of success is not pageviews but the sheer amount of ghosts that reappear after publishing a piece.

— Callie Byrnes, Love When My Exes Keep Tabs On Me

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Tell him you’re excited to have his last name and then marry his brother.

— Anonymous, via Tumblr

LOL humor Funny

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That's not the clitoris: a love story.

— Melissa Broder, So Sad Today

LOL Sex Bad Sex

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ya know what’s kind of weird? some people name cats ‘whiskers.’ that’s a cat’s body part. that’s so wild. i’m gonna name my son leg.

— hatchibomitar, via Tumblr

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I love crossing the street while cars are turning cuz it’s like wow either you hit me and I die, you hit me and I sue you, or you don’t hit me and I get to cross the street either way I win.

— hacksign, via Tumblr

LOL humor Funny dark Death

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Coffee keeps you going until it’s time for wine.

— Anonymous, via Tumblr

LOL Growing Pains Coffee Wine

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Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q is one of the highest - and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.

— Donald Trump, via twitter.com

LOL Intelligence Stupid

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In case someone hasn't told you today -
You broke. Stop buying all that damn fast food. Carry yo ass home and eat what ya momma cooked.

— highlitemami, via Tumblr

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small boob privilege is so real like…. bralettes… underboob tattoos… going braless?? not looking hyper sexual at all times ???? running comfortably? i could go on

— averagefairy, via Tumblr

boobs Womanhood Body Positive Tumblr LOL

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this is mean and terrible but it exhausts me to be around people who haven’t finished going through their pretentious asshole phase like okay holden caulfield I know we’re all helplessly suckling at the teat of modern media but can you shut up and play some goddamn mario kart for like five minutes.

— exeggcute, via exeggcute.tumblr.com

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I've spent 45 minutes putting my outfit together this morning and have brought my SLR camera to lunch, just so we can perfectly capture how casual and spontaneous I look today.

— Michael Buchinger, I Lived Like a Professional Instagrammer for a Week - VICE

Instagram Social Media The Digital Age LOL Before and after

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Looking back, we chuckle. We’re glad the Internet Wayback Machine hasn’t exposed the Angelfire or Geocities webpages of our past.

— Jason Winter, Cinemagraphs: the latest evolution of the animated GIF - InVision Blog

Design Web Wayback Machine LOL

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Serenity and Rose Quartz sound like perfumes from a Parisian boutique, but they’re actually just the names of Pantone’s lame ass colors of the year.

— Steven Markow, Pantone Color Names v. What They Actually Look Like — Slackjaw

Design Pantone Color LOL

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I can't believe it's 2017 and I'm smarter than the President, and hotter than the Sexiest Man Alive, and I am still doing so poorly in life.

— Christin Bailey, via twitter.com

Twitter Jokes America 2017 LOL broke Millenials

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1988: made you this mixtape
1998: I burned you this CD
2008: made you this playlist
2018: doesnt do anything cuz too afraid to come off as thirsty

— Eden Dranger, Comparing Flirting From 1988 To Now

Flirting chemistry crushes LOL Twitter humor

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