John Duda Quotes

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John Duda

John Duda

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Total quotes (5)

I wish that I could be productive, functioning member of society when it gets nice outside but that’s not how this works.

— John Duda, Terrible Habits I'm Going To Pick Back Up Now That Summer's Here

humor Bad Habits

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Getting married at 23 is all fun and games until you realize that you should have waited until your spouse could afford a ring from somewhere other than Claires.

— John Duda, I Can't Change My Own Oil And According To Twitter This Makes Me A Beta Male With A Weak Handshake

LOL humor Roasted

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I apologize for the vagueness, but I want it to smell like nothing, and right now it smells like something.

— John Duda, I Don't Know How To Put This, But I Want My Apartment To Smell Like Nothing

LOL Homes Home Smells Aesthetic

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I don’t need a Commando 450 like Kramer got on the black market in that episode of Seinfeld, but I think I do need to go with a double shower head. I could even make this a fun little Saturday chore.

— John Duda, The Water Pressure In My Apartment Is Big Trash

LOL humor Showers showering Bathing

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I won’t eat (except when I get hungry). I won’t sleep (unless of course I get tired). And I certainly won’t drink (unless I get bored while staking out the stoop in front of my door and my tummy starts begging me for some nog).

— John Duda, Bad News For Whoever Is Stealing Packages At My Apartment: I’m Officially On The Case

LOL Stolen Mail Stolen Packages Amazon Prime Fa La La La La

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Related quotes to John Duda tagged Humor, Lol

Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.

— Jughead Jones (Cole Sprouse), Riverdale, Season 1: Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil

humor Sardonic Humor Cynicism Worldview Dark Humor

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Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy all day.

— Mitch Hedberg, The Very Best Of Comedian - Mitch Hedberg

humor comedy Stand-UP

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Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

— Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman)

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I can name a lot of things that taste better than skinny feels. Potatoes. Bread.

— Jennifer Lawrence, In Depth: Jennifer Lawrence's Road to Oscar

eating food humor Funny Bread Love Food Yum

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Marriage isn't just between a man and a woman. It's between any two people who love each other and want to ruin their lives.

— Emily Horne and Joey Comeau, A Softer World

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It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw!

— Emily Horne and Joey Comeau, A Softer World

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I like people with depth, I like people with emotion, I like people with a strong mind, an interesting mind, a twisted mind, and also someone that can make me smile.

— Abbey Lee Kershaw, A quote by Abbey Lee Kershaw

emotions Feelings People Depth interesting humor

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What a slut time is. She screws everybody.

— John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

slut time period badass Strong humor

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One loses everything when one loses one’s sense of humor.

— Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

humor Life fun in life Lightness

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Call me crazy, but I hope someday women have more rights than guns do.

— Josh Gondelman, via twitter.com

Women's Rights American Politics Social Justice humor Sad But True

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Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.

— Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes

Life Mindset Optimism humor

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.

— Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker

humor People Intelligence

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In a way life is really hard. You have to get back to silly at some point or life is even harder.

— Judd Apatow, via twitter.com

humor mental state Mindset

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If you take away our cartoons, we'll grow up without a sense of humor and be robots.

— Lisa Simpson (Yeardley Smith), The Simpsons, Season 2: Itchy & Scratchy & Marge

cartoons Grow Up Sense humor Robots

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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

— Mitch Hedberg, Mitch Hedberg - Mitch All Together Complete

humor Stand-UP comedy

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You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

— Mitch Hedberg, Mitch Hedberg - Mitch All Together Complete

humor comedy Stand-UP

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The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

— Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Life The Universe humor Creation Building the Earth

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I have never worn pantyhose but it sounds very dangerous.

— Joe (Hector Elizondo), The Princess Diaries

humor Pantyhose dangerous

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I was on a airplane one time with Bruce Willis and Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. And all I could think was, "If this plane goes down, I'm not even gonna make the headlines."

— Kevin Bacon, The six degrees: Kevin Bacon at TEDxMidwest

Six Degrees Relationships humor

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I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have.

— Charles Bukowski, Sunlight Here I Am: Interviews and Encounters, 1963-1993

Happiness Self-Reliance Self-Love humor Entertainment Peace

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