1. People
    2.  › 
  2. Jerry Stiller
Jerry Stiller photo

Jerry Stiller Quotes

Total quotes: 13
“Mugatu is so hot right now he could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.”
— Maury Ballstein, Zoolander
Tagged: fish hooks, Crap, sell, Queen Elizabeth, tinfoil
“Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon, I realized there had to be another way.

Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST-OF-US.”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Strike
Tagged: Christmas, Christmas Shopping, Festivus
“Hey George, what do you like better? The ‘bro’ or the ‘mansiere’?”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Doorman
Tagged: Male Bras, Bras, Bro, Mansiere, Man Boobs
“No one is touching my feet. Between you and me, Elaine, I think I've got a foot odor problem.”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Understudy
Tagged: Feet, Podiatry, Pedicures, Foot Odor
“George, we've had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits.”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Junk Mail
Tagged: Parents, Disowning
“Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So who's having sex with the hen?”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Rye
Tagged: Reproduction, Sex, Roosters, Hens, Chickens
“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had—but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way!”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Strike
Tagged: Christmas, Festivus, Materialism, Violence
“How long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Sniffing Accountant
Tagged: Bras, Underwear
“Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'Serenity now!'”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Serenity Now
Tagged: Motivational Tapes, Psychology, Blood Pressure
“Is this the group that goes around mutilating squirrels?”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Conversion
Tagged: Cults, Latvian Orthodox Church
“Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon croquettes are oily, and your eggplant parmesan is a disgrace to this house!”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Fatigues
Tagged: Meatloaf, Salmon Croquettes, Eggplant Parmesan, Cooking
“He stopped short? That's my move. I'm gonna kill him!”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Fusilli Jerry
Tagged: Sex, Threats, Sexual Moves
“Inchon, Korea, 1950. I was the best cook Uncle Sam ever saw, slinging hash for the Fighting 103rd. As we marched north, our supply lines were getting thin. One day a couple of GIs found a crate, inside were six hundred pounds of prime Texas steer. At least it once was prime. The use date was three weeks past, but I was arrogant, I was brash, I thought if I used just the right spices, cooked it long enough...”
— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Fatigues
Tagged: Inchon, north korea, Uncle Sam, Korean War, Texas Beef, Beef, Cooking, Spoiled Food
loading next page...