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Jack Griffin Quotes

Total quotes: 21
“So I'm not gonna teach you anything in here, okay? If you keep your mouth shut, you get an A. If you say anything to anybody, you get an F. Welcome to AP Bio.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Teach, grades, Biology
“You know what I'm going to do? Buy one of those Japanese talking toilets. See what that has to say.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Toilets, talking, Tachnology
“All right, if you guys don't know how and when to 'ooh' then just don't 'ooh' at all.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Sweet Low Road
Tagged: Ooh, Do Something Right, Crowd, Sassy
“I'm a grown up ass man and I don't get embarrassed when I like someone.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: J'Accuse
Tagged: Grown Man, Crush, romance
“Hey, Colin. You know, I was just thinking, I'm so curious: did you happen to bang your mom last night? Because I sure as hell didn't.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 1: Freakin' Enamored
Tagged: Incest, Oedipus Complex
“At one point, I saw a girl, a child really, eat an entire spoonful of just mayo.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Gross, Mayo, Eat, food
“They work hard all day long and then they reward themselves with simple things.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Work Hard, Life, Simple Things, treat
“Yeah, I'm seeing a lot of rollie pollies under here. Are they gonna be okay?”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: bugs, Concerned
“It's like I've been on an escalator, you know? And if I'm not careful I'm gonna get my shoelaces caught in that escalator. It's gonna pull me in and it's gonna grind me into a pulp.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Kinda Sorta
Tagged: Escalator , Stuck, Pulp, Metaphor Examples
“If you ladies think I look good in sweatpants, wait till you see me in a suit.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Toledo's Top 100
Tagged: sweatpants, Attractive, Suit
“I'll go do a little harmless flirting. But there will be no tequila and no banging.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Kinda Sorta
Tagged: Flirting, Drinks, Hookup, banging
“I like you and I'm glad I met you, and I don't know. I don't know, you just make me happy to be in Toledo.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Kinda Sorta
Tagged: Crush, romance, Happy, Love
“Sit down and start to shut up.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: J'Accuse
Tagged: sit down, Quiet, Command, Sassy
“You broke a bad, bad man today, my little cherubs.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Personal Everest
Tagged: Bad, Cherubs, Man, affection
“Keep your eyes peeled for more beer o'clocks.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Eyes Peeled , Beer, Drinking Time
“Let's find this middle child juggalo.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Nuns
Tagged: middle child, Juggalo, mission
“Here's your ass lanyard.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Sweet Low Road
Tagged: ass, Lanyard
“You gotta own your talent.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Spectacle
Tagged: Talent, Confidence, Own It, Pride
“Revenge isn't for everybody, but it has its merits.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Melvin
Tagged: Revenge, merits
“I think I smashed my butt.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Dr. Whoopsie
Tagged: accident, Smashed , hurt, fell
“Okay, so there's four basic categories of happiness that I'm going to want to focus on all right? One, work a job where you can see the physical results of your labor at the end of each day. Two, make up mundane celebrations to distract you from your inevitable death. Number three, ingest sugary, fatty, and salty things that release endorphins in your brain. And four, partner with a convenient person within a 20-mile radius to procreate and therefore feel as though a memory of you will live on.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Happiness, Work, Job, Life
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