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Greg Daniels Quotes

Total quotes: 47
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Flaws, sing in showe, volunterring, sue me, Car, accident
“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: liked, praised, Need, Want
“There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 5: Partridge
Tagged: Skim Milk, lying, Water, Personification Examples
“No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: downsizing, Patient, cancer, don't tell
“Apu, if I've learned anything, it's that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Homer and Apu
Tagged: Learned, Life, Defeat, Wish
“I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Superstitious, little, stitous, Words
“Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt
Tagged: Buy, gay-dar, gay radar, Online
“Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
— Ron Swanson,
Tagged: humor
“I never thought I'd say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 9: Finale
Tagged: Eating Too Much, Bone Marrow
“Because I'm like ice, buddy. When I don't like you, you've got problems.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Parking Space
Tagged: Threats, Coldness
“About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: Sick, Symptoms, Concerned, Sick Day
“I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans!”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Basketball
Tagged: sinking, nothing but net, african american, jaws
“I have six roommates, which are better than friends because they have to give you one month's notice before they leave.”
— Toby Flenderson, The Office, Season 9: Finale
Tagged: Roomates, Roommates vs. Friends
“You don't understand. A garage. I can't even pull in there. It's like going to a prostitute. Why should I pay, when if I apply myself, maybe I could get it for free?”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 3: The Parking Space
Tagged: Parking, prostitution, Cheapness
“It's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Andy and April's Fancy Party
Tagged: good idea, Coworkers, Capable, Pain
“I guess the attitude that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Attitude, Create, Friend, boss, entertainer, first, Second, third
“My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely for profit by corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model. I would rather work for Chuck E. Cheese.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Dream, Privatized, Chuck E. Cheese, Business Model
“Bill Dauterive: My face hurts.

Hank Hill: And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 3: A Fire Fighting We Will Go
Tagged: ass kicking
“If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus...Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: back of the bus, front of the bus, drive the bus, racist
“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: receptionist, Cute, years, Younger
“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise
Tagged: boss, teaching others, Dancing, leader
“I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: hospital, save, Okay, Anticlimactic
“Oh... and how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 5: Secrets of a Successful Marriage
Tagged: Education, Smart, New, Learning, Consequences, Brain, Wine, Driving, Drunk Driving
“Jim: Say that we're the tour managers for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets.

Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?

Jim: He...is a crime-fighting beaver.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 7: Todd Packer
Tagged: Justin Bieber, Fighting Crime
“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parents' dream.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 9: Finale
Tagged: Marriage, Growing Up, wedding
“When people get too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: Born and Raised
Tagged: Chummy, Wrong Name, don't care
“I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it'll suck.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Beach Games
Tagged: beautiful memory, Staff, New York, suck
“Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race For The Cure, this is Pam.”
— Pam Beesly, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: fun run, charity, cure, Rabies
“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt
Tagged: gay, gay affair, Theory
“Oh, this is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest... that's what she said.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Goodbye, Michael
Tagged: That's What She Said, Inappropriate Joke, Relieved, goodbye, Last Lines
“Michael Scott: Why am I so sad? Am i doing the wrong thing?

Jim Halpert: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes goodbyes are a bitch.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 7: Goodbye, Michael
Tagged: Sad, Goodbyes, Bitch, Vulgar, Wrong Thing, sweet, Advice
“America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”
— Ron Swanson,
Tagged: humor
“I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.”
— Bart Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: Bart Sells His Soul
Tagged: familiar, Pablo Neruda, Poetry
“We're all homos. Homo... Sapiens.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt
Tagged: Homosexual, homosapien
“Pam Beesly: Hey, Dwight. I'm collecting resolution cards.

Dwight Schrute: Not doing that.

Pam Beesly: Why not?

Dwight Schrute: I've achieved plenty, and there's no better than the best.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 7: Ultimatum
Tagged: New Year's Resolution, New Year's, humor, Achievement, The Best
“There are two things I am passionate about: recycling and revenge.”
— Andy Bernard, The Office, Season 9: New Guys
Tagged: Recycling, Revenge, Passion, contradictory, Woke, Environmentally Friendly
“It's not like booze ever kil*** anyone.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise
Tagged: booze, killed, Alcohol
“Holly Flax: Okay, look, we can't fire someone because we don't like him.

Ryan Howard: Right. This isn't the U.S. government.

Kelly Kapoor: What are you referencing?

Ryan Howard: Everything. Everything.”
— Ryan Howard, The Office, Season 7: Todd Packer
Tagged: Fire, Dislike, U.S. Government, humor, reference, Truth
“I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 2: Kaboom
Tagged: lowers, Enthusiasm, Saying No
“I regret nothing. The end.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 5: Partridge
Tagged: Regret, Nothing, The End
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