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Glenn Howerton Quotes

Total quotes: 44
“So I'm not gonna teach you anything in here, okay? If you keep your mouth shut, you get an A. If you say anything to anybody, you get an F. Welcome to AP Bio.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Teach, grades, Biology
“No no no, that's not gonna help. That's not gonna help and I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your Mom.”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom
Tagged: Sex, Mom, Advice
“You know what I'm going to do? Buy one of those Japanese talking toilets. See what that has to say.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Toilets, talking, Tachnology
“All right, if you guys don't know how and when to 'ooh' then just don't 'ooh' at all.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Sweet Low Road
Tagged: Ooh, Do Something Right, Crowd, Sassy
“Charlie: Do wasps make honey?

Dennis: No wasps do not make honey.

Charlie: Alright well I'm gonna check it out anyway, there could be something delicious in here that wasps do make and I want that”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Waitress Is Getting Married
Tagged: Wasp, Bees, Honey, Exploring, Questions
“I eat stickers all the time dude!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Gang Hits the Road
Tagged: Stickers, Gross, food
“I'm a grown up ass man and I don't get embarrassed when I like someone.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: J'Accuse
Tagged: Grown Man, Crush, romance
“ I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: The Gang Gets Racist
Tagged: Dreams, Selfish, Sex, Indifferent, Listening
“ Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare
Tagged: Welfare, Crack, Recovering, Money
“Dee: Maybe you shouldn't have your window open!

Mac: maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of piss out the window!”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Gang Hits the Road
Tagged: window, Piss, Gross, angry
“Dennis: Name a Philadelphia celebrity you would like to have a drink with.

Dee: Bill Cosby.

Frank: The cards are a little outdated.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 11: Chardee MacDennis 2
Tagged: celebrity, Bill Cosby, Outdated
“Hey, Colin. You know, I was just thinking, I'm so curious: did you happen to bang your mom last night? Because I sure as hell didn't.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 1: Freakin' Enamored
Tagged: Incest, Oedipus Complex
“At one point, I saw a girl, a child really, eat an entire spoonful of just mayo.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Gross, Mayo, Eat, food
“They work hard all day long and then they reward themselves with simple things.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Happiness
Tagged: Work Hard, Life, Simple Things, treat
“ Keep singing, bitch! You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm through with you!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Singing, Anger, Threat, Mad, insults
“Frank: Hey, warm sun, cool ocean breezes, getting rip sh*t on ham.

Mac: Wouldn't you say we're getting... Hammered?”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore
Tagged: Drinking, Hammered, Sun, Drunk
“Yeah, well, we won't get got though. We gonna get. See, Dee, people like us, we don't get got. We go get.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 9: Mac and Dennis Buy a Timeshare
Tagged: Get Got, Ambitious, Go Getters
“Charlie: Why were you sleeping in?

Mac: Oh, God. Well, because I drank three bottles of champagne and hung out with a stray dog all night under a bridge, okay? It was sweet.”
— Ronald "Mac" McDonald, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: How Mac Got Fat
Tagged: Drunk, champagne, dog, sweet
“Dee: Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid?

Dennis: I don't really have any convictions.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: Charlie Wants an Abortion
Tagged: Convictions, Sex, Laid
“Dude, I swear to god if you try and give me a noogie I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Held Hostage
Tagged: Noogie, angry, Wedgie, ass
“So the Wendy's manager was like 'You gotta clean dat up!' and I was like they're your hamburgers you clean them up. Artemis was all bummed out about something I did to myself with the onions and now she won't talk to me.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: The Waitress Is Getting Married
Tagged: Clean Up, Gross, Onions, upset
“Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 6: Dee Gives Birth
Tagged: Sunglasses, Movie, dark, strange
“Dennis: What's wrong with the Jersey Shore?

Mac: Come on, you've seen that TV show. It's just a bunch of sweaty Guidos getting hopped up on energy drinks and giving each other diseases.”
— Mac, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore
Tagged: Jersey Shore, Energy Drinks, Diseases
“I'll go do a little harmless flirting. But there will be no tequila and no banging.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Kinda Sorta
Tagged: Flirting, Drinks, Hookup, banging
“I like you and I'm glad I met you, and I don't know. I don't know, you just make me happy to be in Toledo.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Kinda Sorta
Tagged: Crush, romance, Happy, Love
“Dee: Those goddam North Koreans.

Dennis: They are some sneaky bastards.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation
Tagged: Sneaky
“Sit down and start to shut up.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: J'Accuse
Tagged: sit down, Quiet, Command, Sassy
“Glue is for huffing, dude!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person
Tagged: Glue, Huffing
“I am going to smack everyone into tiny...little...pieces!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Anger, Frustration, Smack, annoyed
“Fill me up with cream. Turn me into cannoli.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties
Tagged: Cannoli, cream, Gross
“The acid's makin' me feel like I gotta take a dump.”
— Frank Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Gang Gets Invincible
Tagged: Drugs, Poop, Acid
“Mac, I'm gonna stop you right there. First of all, your breath smells like an old-lady fart passing through an onion. Secondly, I know you're trying to manipulate me. And it's not going to work. Get your hand off my shoulder because I've got a fatty to burn.”
— Deandra Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 3: The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo
Tagged: Sassy, manipulation, Smell, Diss
“Revenge isn't for everybody, but it has its merits.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Melvin
Tagged: Revenge, merits
“I think I smashed my butt.”
— Jack Griffin, A.P. Bio, Season 2: Dr. Whoopsie
Tagged: accident, Smashed , hurt, fell
“I will make it work because I'm a genius.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 12: Old Lady House
Tagged: Make it Work , Genius, Creative
“I'm the queen of the night!”
— Deandra Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 7: The High School Reunion
Tagged: Queen, Night, confident
“Frank: You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole. You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. You want this baby boy's hole, you gotta pay the troll toll.

Charlie: Stop, stop, stop. All right not bad, good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying 'boy's hole', and it's clearly 'soul.'”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Mistakes, Troll, Hole, Musical
“And then he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so minutes until the movie just sort of ends.”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 5: Mac and Charlie Write a Movie
Tagged: Movie, Plot, Crime, Sex, film
“Charlie: Okay, okay, uh I just killed three very large rats that were stuck in glue traps.

Dennis: Good work.

Charlie: No, no, no. That's not good trap. I'm done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar.

Dennis: That's why we call it Charlie Work”
— Dennis Reynolds, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass
Tagged: Work, Grunt Work, Job, Roles, task
“I was that little boy, that little baby boy was me! I once was a boy, but now I'm a man! I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman, now I'm here to ask for your hand, so if you are too merry m'am will you marry me? Will you come on stage and join me in this thing called matrimony? Please say yes and do not bone me, please just marry me!”
— Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 4: The Nightman Cometh
Tagged: Marriage, Proposal, stage, Matrimony
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