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Diablo Cody Quotes

Total quotes: 40
“I should be royally ticked off at you. I should be really cheesed off, I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.”
— Paulie Bleeker, Juno
Tagged: ticked off, cheesed off, avoid
“I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Possible, Happy, Forever
“You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.”
— Paulie Bleeker, Juno
Tagged: seem, Appearance, pregnant
“I'm just like losing my faith with humanity.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Losing, Faith, humanity
“But then you're gonna get, like, huge, and your chest is gonna 'milktate,' and you're gonna have to, like, tell people that you're pregnant.”
— Leah, Juno
Tagged: Huge, pregnant, milktate, Breast Milk
“Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: ugly, coyote, stings, Worse, Abandonment
“I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Cause all those things, would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Hyperbole examples, pumice, garbage, Cooler, Prom, Feet
“Juno MacGuff: Wow your shorts are like especially gold today.

Paulie Bleeker: My mom uses color safe bleach.

Juno MacGuff: Go Carol.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Shorts, gold, small talk, color safe, Bleach
“I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation, I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday... morning!”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Apologies, Pregnancy, Consolation, Heartburn, Constipation, Bowel Movements
“Juno: I think I'm in love with you.

Paulie: You mean as friends?”
— Paulie Bleeker, Juno
Tagged: Love, Friends, Questions
“Vanessa: Oh, I thought I would get some drinks. What would anyone like? I have Pellegrino, or Vitamin Water or Orange Juice with folic acid or...

Juno: I'll have a Maker's Mark. Up.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Drinks, Alcohol, Jokes
“Juno: They have ads for parents?

Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.' Right next to, like, Terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff. It's, like, totally legit.”
— Leah, Juno
Tagged: Ads, Parents, spawn, Terriers, iguanas, Legit
“I'm just gonna go ahead an nip this thing in the bud. Cuz you know, they say pregnancy often leads to, you know... an infant”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: nip, bud, Pregnancy, infant
“That ain't no Etch-a-Sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.”
— Rollo, Juno
Tagged: Etch-A-Sketch, doodle, homeskillet
“Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.”
— Bren MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Special, Sassy, Picture Pages, Ultrasound, Metaphor Examples, brightest bulb, tanning bed
“No, it's not...and, you know, Paulie is actually great...in, uh...in chair.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Great, Chair, Sex
“Well I was just asking; it seemed plausible enough given your record of generally being the worst human in existence.”
— Bren MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: record, worst, human, Existence, Sassy
“Mac MacGuff: Who is the kid?

Juno MacGuff: The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: kid, father, fingernails, Baby
“Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.”
— Bren MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: doctors, Sadists, play god, lesser people, Scream
“I was thinking I could, like, have this baby, and give it to someone that like totally needs it, like a woman with a bum ovary or a couple of nice lesbos.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Baby, Adoption, overaries
“Can't we just like kick this old school? You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: kick it, Old School, Baby, basket, Moses, reeds
“You're like naturally smart, and you're not like everyone else. You don't stare at my stomach all the time, you look at my face and every time I see you, the baby starts kicking super hard.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Smart, Stomach, face, Baby, kicking
“Are you having boy troubles? Because I gotta be honest with you; I don't much approve of dating in your condition, 'cause well... that's kind of messed up.”
— Mac MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: boy trouble, Dating, don't approve, condition, Pregnancy
“ No, this is not a food baby all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests, and I'm forshizz up the spout.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: food baby, Pregnancy Test, spout
“Nobody comes to Minnesota to take their clothes off, at least as far as I know.”
— Diablo Cody, Candy Girl
Tagged: humor, Stripping, Silly
“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you.”
— Mac MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Love, Unconditional Love, H4D-16
“ I think it's 'cause my heart starts pounding every time I see you.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: heart, Pounding, Love
“Will you still think I'm cute if I'm huge?”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Cute, Huge, Questions
“ I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out?”
— Leah, Juno
Tagged: Baby, claws, scratch, Vagina
“What if I want to pray the gay to stay?”
— Tig , One Mississippi, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: gay, Prayers
“Love conquers all. Have you not seen The Graduate?”
— Mavis Gary, Young Adult
Tagged: Love, Conquer, The Graduate
“Third shag today, Mama Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it.”
— Rollo, Juno
Tagged: Mama Bear, pregnant, nicknames for pregnant
“Isn't that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?”
— Mac MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Girls, Names, skanky
“Well, I still have your underwear!”
— Paulie Bleeker, Juno
Tagged: Underwear, Possession
“ Ow, ow, fuckity-ow!”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Pain, ow
“The little pink plus sign is so fuckin unholy.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: Plus Sign, unholy, positive, pregnant
“I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good.”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: stay together, People, Good
“That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who like had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, 'Blah I am a Kracken from the sea!'”
— Juno MacGuff, Juno
Tagged: wise choice, freak out, kracken, Sea, behavioral meds
“The show has made me feel really ugly, because I assume that the women they cast are based on their perception of what a man would want— and all the women look the same to me on the show. They always have the same kind of long barrel curls and they’re all skinny. There’s no one that looks like me.”
— Diablo Cody, Bachelor Nation: Inside the World of America's Favorite Guilty Pleasure
Tagged: the bachelor, Reality TV, Women, Bodies
“Tara: Kate! I did not raise you to let boys who wear pigtails push you around.

Benjamin Lambert: These are samurai knots!

Kate: Mom, we're fine. We're having a dialogue about our relationship.

Tara: We? Honey, this Power Puff Boy does not warrant a collective pronoun.

Benjamin Lambert: Is this the bitch character or something? Make her turn it off.”
— Tara Gregson, United States of Tara, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: mother, Daughter, Relationship, teenagers, Multiple Personality Disorder, Mental Disorder, insults, Rude, mean
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