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David Hornsby

16 quotesTelevision Actor · Born Dec 1, 1975 · United States Of America · Male

David Hornsby (born December 1, 1975) is an American actor, screenwriter and producer. He is known for a recurring role as defrocked priest Matthew "Rickety Cricket" Mara on the comedy series It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, for which he also writes and co-produces. 2Early life Hornsby was born in Newport News, Virginia. He grew up in Houston, Texas, and majored in acting at Carnegie Mellon University. 2Career Hornsby plays defrocked priest Matthew "Rickety Cricket" Mara on the FX sitcom It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, also serving as an executive producer and writer on the show. He appeared as Steve "The Hutch" Hutchinson on The Joe Schmo Show, and as Patrick on Six Feet Under. His first animated role was Fanboy in Fanboy & Chum Chum. He also starred in the independent film Pretty Bird. Hornsby appeared in Pearl Harbor, Minority Report, and Flags of Our Fathers (in which he played USMC photographer Louis R. Lowery). He created and performed in the podcast Yoda and Me along with Loren Tarquini

All Bums (2)Pick Up Women (1)balls (1)Application (1)Dong (1)mean (1)Cooking (1)dance (1)Deodorant (1)Employment (1)Sunglasses (1)Revolution (1)masturbation (1)Bruce Jenner (1)penis (1)

From “The Gang Sells Out”

I'm not asking you to do anything, just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.

Robbing blind eye

Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon, AND FIRE OFF INTO JOBLAND, WHERE JOBS GROW ON JOBBIES?!!!

Jobs Employment Sarcasm

From “Mac Is a Serial Killer”

Dennis: Frank, we don't need the chainsaw. Is that what's in that bag? Frank: Oh, we do...because drawing a confession out of someone is like doing a beautiful dance...a beautiful dance with a chainsaw.

Chainsaw Confessions dance Threat

From “Bums”

I don't wanna see you or your dirty balls in my alley again!

balls Bums dirt Yelling mean

Masturbating Bums are bad for Business.

Bums masturbation Business

From “The Gang Dances Their Asses Off”

Mac: I do not even understand the smell coming from your body, dude. Charlie: Oh my God, dude, relax. Dude, I forgot to put on deodorant, okay? Mac: I have never once, never once seen you wear deodorant, Charlie, never once. Charlie: Yeah well, you never seen me once wash my testicles either but…

Smells Deodorant Washing testicles

From “The Gang Cracks the Liberty Bell”

I stole a bunch of guns! I'm testing them out, Charles! This revolution is gonna make us a fortune!

Guns Stealing Revolution rich

From “The Great Recession”

Frank: All right, now, pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken. And you're gonna cook it tonight, make a tasty dinner. It's gonna smell all through the house like cooked chicken. Beth: Actually, I'm vegan. Frank: Okay then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat. Maybe it is a shoe.

Vegan Cooking shoe food starving

From “The World Series Defense”

I do not appreciate being paraphrased. I choose my words very deliberately.

Words Paraphrased Deliberate

From “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System”

D: Demonstrate Value E: Engage Physically N: Nurture Dependence N: Neglect Emotionally I: Inspire Hope S: Separate Entirely

strategy Pick Up Women Game Plan

Oh whoops, ooh! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong!

condom Dongs Oops accident Showing Off

Frank: See, I would have gone in and bought a box of magnum condoms, thus demonstrating I have a monster dong. Dennis: Right, that comes off a little bit desperate, Frank.

condoms Dong Desperate

From “The Gang Gets a New Member”

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume? Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so I was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to this…

excellence Bruce Jenner resumé Application

From “Dee Gives Birth”

Without the sunglasses, Weekend at Bernie's would have been a very dark, strange tale

Sunglasses Movie dark strange

Parenting is pretending you know what you're talking about, then jamming it down their throat!

Parenting Forceful Teaching Parenthood Fake It Until Make It

This sucks. This sucks a bag of dicks.

Sucks Awful penis

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