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Daniel J. Goor Quotes

Total quotes: 43
“Holt: I'm considering it. I'm interested. I agree to participate.

Peralta: All right, there's the robot I fell in love with.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Halloween
Tagged: Robot, Short sentences, Love, Participate
“Precisely. Captain, turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength, like Paris Hilton, RE: her sex tape.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Sal's Pizza
Tagged: Weakness, strength, Paris Hilton, Change
“You should make me your campaign manager. I was born for politics! I have great hair and I love lying.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Full Boyle
Tagged: Politics, lying, hair, campaigns
“Oh, you're useless! You're completely useless! You are without a doubt the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen! And I'm including that bomb-sniffing dog, who humps all the bombs!”
— Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Sabatoge
Tagged: useless, Incompetent, dog, Humping
“Peralta: Hey, Captain, I just sent you an email, uh...

Holt: 'Dear Captain, we were all so sorry for your loss. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.' Sent from, 'My Stinky Butt.'”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Lockdown
Tagged: Email, Condolences, Loss, Stinky Butt
“Sharon: Guys? My water just broke.

Peralta: Don't worry about that, we'll just get you another one- oh, you mean your body water! That's much worse!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Ava
Tagged: pregnant, Water Broke, Delievery
“Terry: Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?

Peralta: [Scoffs] No.

Technician: Lie.

Peralta: Allright fine. She is. She makes me feels things.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Unsolvable
Tagged: Taylor Swift, Lies, Feelings, Songs, Hits
“Holt: Here are two pictures. One is your locker; the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you guess which is which?

Peralta: That one's the dump?

Holt: They're both your locker.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Tagger
Tagged: Dump, garbage, Locker, Gross
“Holt: Now, I know everyone's mad at Detective Peralta for ruining their weekend.

Peralta: But?

Holt: That was it. I was just demonstrating for Detective Peralta what a fact is.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: 48 Hours
Tagged: Blame, Ruining, Sassy
“Diaz: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna break those little fingers.

Judge: Ms. Diaz! Please stop threatening the stenographer!”
— Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Old School
Tagged: Violence, Threatening, Anger
“Amy: Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake.

Peralta: 'I hope it wasn't a mistake,' title of your sex tape? [gasps] Title of our sex tape!”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: New Captain
Tagged: mistake, Sex, Regrets, sex tape
“Diaz: Look, man. Nobody's ever gonna see that footage; the case was cut and dry. It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your-

Boyle: Benny and the Jets.”
— Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Karen Peralta
Tagged: penis, nude, Naked, awkward
“[Recording] It's Gina's phone, leave me a voicemail. I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: The Mole
Tagged: Voicemail, Honesty, Old, Outdated
“Yeah. Okay, here it goes. Ames, I love you. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are. I love your face, and I love your butt. I should've written this down first.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: HalloVeen
Tagged: Proposal, sweet, Smart, butt
“Holt: Same to you, your honor. [Hangs up the phone.]

Jake: Oh, what judge were you talking to?

Holt: That was my mother.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Thanksgiving
Tagged: Honor, mother, Judge
“Peralta: Sir, we just caught a serial killer! I've wanted this since I was four years old!

Holt: That's troubling.”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: The Oolong Slayer
Tagged: Goals, Troubling, strange, ambitions
“'I'm so confused I don't know what's happening right now': title of your sex tape.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: HalloVeen
Tagged: sex tape, Sex, joke
“Peralta: Hello good sir, I would like your finest bottle of wine, please.

Clerk: That will be $1,600.

Peralta: Great, I'd like your $8-Est bottle of wine, please.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Party
Tagged: Money, Wine, expensive, Cheap
“Hold it up! You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there? You are blessed with a great power, and you should never snip its wings. You should let it soar.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Chocolate Milk
Tagged: doctor, penis, Vasectomy
“Holt: I'm doing a cost-benefit analysis in my head. The benefits outweigh the costs- we have reached an accord.

Peralta: Accords!”
— Captain Ray Holt, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Halloween II
Tagged: Cost-Benefit, Accord, Thoughts, analysis
“Peralta: Do I even weigh anything to you?

Terry: No. It's like holding a couple of grapes.”
— Terry Jeffords, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Payback
Tagged: Weightless, Grapes, Easy, Strong
“Peralta: Wait... What? Did you say 'eat people?' Are you a cannibal, Caleb?

Caleb: Well, that's not how I would define myself. If we're going by what I'm most passionate about, I'm a woodworker.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: The Big House Pt.1
Tagged: Cannibal, Woodworker, Self Image
“April: Hey, I love you.

Andy: Dude, shut up! That is awesomesauce!”
— Andy Dwyer, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 3: Harvest Festival
Tagged: Love, Awesome, Dude, shut up
“Boone: Detective Paralta. Your fly is down. I made you look.

Jake: I didn't look. And I'm wearing shorts; there is no fly.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Operation
Tagged: fly is down, made you look, Shorts, fly
“If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: I'm Leslie Knope
Tagged: need anything, deal with your problems, adults
“If I'm ever going to make captain, I need a good mentor; I need my rabbi.”
— Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Captain, Mentor, Training, rabbi
“Boyle: Don't- don't knock it 'till you try it! She had a replacement hip with some serious torque. It was like having sex with a Transformer!

Peralta: That is no one's fantasy!”
— Charles Boyle, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Vulture
Tagged: Sex, Old People, Transformers, Fantasy
“Holt: I'm disappointed, Santiago. I thought you and I were close.

Amy: I know you're manipulating me... but I love it, and I will tell you anything.”
— Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Old School
Tagged: manipulation, Gossip, Friendship
“Diaz: Can you estimate the value of everything that was taken?

Gina: Emotionally? $700 million.”
— Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Ebony Falcon
Tagged: stolen, Emotional, Taken, Money, Value
“ Where were you? You were gone for three hours. I know because I sang 'This Is How We Do It' 143 times.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Sabatoge
Tagged: This Is How We Do It, Singing, Time, Waiting
“Backstreet Boys. I'm familiar. Okay. [presses intercom] Number one, could you please sing the opening to 'I Want It That Way?'”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: DFW
Tagged: Backstreet Boys, Criminal Investigation, sing, Lineup, suspect
“We've busted murderers; we've taken down cartels. But today we face the worst New York has to offer- the Fire Department.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Operation
Tagged: busted, murders, cartels, worst, Fire Department
“Peralta: Yeah. Although you might wanna read the inscription on that there belt.

Amy: Why? Oh, no, what does it say? 'Amy Santiago, will you marry me?'
[Amy turns around to see Peralta on one knee holding out an engagement ring]

Peralta: Surprise.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 5: HalloVeen
Tagged: Engagement, Marriage, Surprises
“Judge Mindel: This looks like it was filled out by a toddler! Now, we are going to have to go through this point-by-point. Justice cannot be rushed.

Peralta: But could it be gently nudged into hyper speed?

Judge Mindel: I take it you're the toddler.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: Charges and Specs
Tagged: toddler, Justice, Judge, Hyper Speed, Rushing
“Peralta: This envelope contains my inheritance from my uncle, he died a year ago. He was so rich, he had a whole room in his house just to eat in.

Gina: You mean like a dining room?

Peralta: Yeah. But in Manhattan.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Cheddar
Tagged: rich, Money, Dining Room, Manhattan
“Amy: Absolutely, sir! I won't just head it up, I will head and shoulders it up. I will dive in, and swim around it, and just be altogether go-good with it.

Holt: Be more articulate when you speak the children.

Amy: Yes, sir, I will make better mouth.”
— Amy Santiago, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 1: The Slump
Tagged: Words, Articulate, Speaking
“Judge Marinovich: A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together? That's highly unusual.

Peralta: At the time I did not know she was a defense attorney. I should have been able to guess, however, based on her ability to lie all over me.”
— Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Jake and Sophia
Tagged: Punny, Sex, attorney, Lies
“ MY ASS IS NOT FAT!”
— Terry Jeffords, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 2: Windbreaker City
Tagged: ass, fat, big
“I gotta say, the Chinese know how to make a terrible Scotch.”
— Terry Jeffords, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 3: Into the Woods
Tagged: Scotch, Drinking, Gross, Drunk, Strong
“Everything hurts and I’m dying”
— Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation Season 4: Campaign Shake-Up
Tagged: Pain, Dying, hurts, Overreaction
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