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Dan Schneider

9 quotesTelevision Actor · United States Of America · Male

You didn't get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly.

Josh: [walking away from Susan] I think we handled that very maturely. Drake Parker: That felt good. [Susan opens her locker and gets blasted with purple paint] Drake: [sees Susan covered in paint; turns to Josh] That felt better. Josh: Yeah, it did!

Josh: I wonder where Drake is with our pizza. Drake: I cannot believe I ate an entire pizza!

From “Two Idiots and a Baby”

Josh: [dangling from the roof] I deserve this. This is all because I forgot to feed my pet turtle, Sheldon in kindergarten. He went to heaven, and now my life is bad. [shouts] Josh: You happy, Sheldon? We're even now! Mr. Nichols: [offscreen] Josh? Josh: Sheldon?

From “Guitar”

Josh: Do you sell guitars? Guitar World Salesman: [sarcastically] Here? At Guitar World? Gee, I don't know.

From “Pool Shark”

Mr. Nichols: [needing a last minute birthday gift for Audrey] Uh, get her some toothpaste. She's always using toothpaste! Josh Nichols: Dad, there's two-hundred dollars here. Mr. Nichols: Well, get her some mouthwash, too! I'M JUST A MAN!

From “Smart Girl”

Josh: I don't know Drake, all this cheating makes me feel... dirty. Drake: Well, take a bath when you get home.

From “Driver's License”

Josh: Drake, we're supposed to be studying for our driving test! Drake: [playing a driving video game] I am! Josh: Drake, I highly doubt that our driven test will include stealing a bus and running into dragons. Drake: Do you know that for sure?

From “Playing the Field”

Drake: You're kind of a girl, right? Mindy: Well, if I'm not, then I've been buying the wrong underwear!

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