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Dan Cohen Quotes

Total quotes (1)

Dan Cohen

Dan Cohen

Birthname

Birthday June 10, 1936

Occupations Politician

Total quotes (1)

Are you quite finished undressing him with your eyes?

— Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce), Frasier, Season 4: A Crane's Critique

Sassy undressing Eye

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Related quotes to Dan Cohen tagged Sassy

My husband told me he thinks my sexual orientation is 'being right' and I’ve never felt more seen.

— Jessica Valenti, via twitter.com

Being Right LOL humor Sassy True Quote of the Moment

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Jerry: Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!

Rick: Well, I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry, but life is made of little concessions.

— Rick Sanchez (voice) (Justin Roiland), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Total Rickall

Sassy Grandchildren Concessions Sacrifices unemployed

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I'm sorry, Sabrina. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you.

— Salem Saberhagen (voice) (Nick Bakay), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 3: Salem, the Boy

Power Hungry rule Sassy Apology

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Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.

Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

— Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House, Season 1: Occam's Razor

argument Specious Sassy Diss ugly Insult

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It's called 'Fortress of Solitude.' Not 'Fortress of Come on In.'

— Steve Smith (voice) (Scott Grimes), American Dad!, Season 10: Faking Bad

Fortress Sassy Alone annoyed

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This is not 'Bring Your Problems To Work Day', this is just 'Work Day.'

— Bob Kelso (Ken Jenkins), Scrubs, Season 2: My Monster

Work Work Problems Work Days Sassy

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Dr. James Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.

Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

— Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House, Season 1: Occam's Razor

Smug sarcastic Attractive Quality Sassy Maintain hair

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Penny: Sheldon, you know, I do understand what you’re going through.

Sheldon: Really? Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?

— Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory, Season 3: The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

sympathy Understand Sassy Nobel Prize

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Totally rather get shot than look like a Sears model.

— Nate Heywood (Nick Zano), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 3: Aruba-Con

shot Violence model Sears Sassy Snarky joke

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Dr. Allison Cameron: Men should grow up.

Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

— Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House, Season 1: Occam's Razor

Men Dogs habits Sassy sarcastic Grow Up

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What happened, Preacher? Jesus take your wheel?

— Tulip O'Hare (Ruth Negga), Preacher, Season 1: See

Sassy Jesus take the wheel jesus Preacher

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Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: Did either of you see a bald guy in slippers with a coconut come through here?

Charlie Pace: No. But I did see a polar bear on roller skates with a mango.

— Charlie Pace (Dominic Monaghan), Lost, Season 2: Dave

Snark Sassy Sarcasm

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Roxie: Do you hear yourself when you speak?

Morgan: Depends on what I say.

— Morgan Cavanaugh (Elisa Donovan), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Sabrina's Date with Destiny

joke Ditzy dumb Sassy

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Phoebe Halliwell: Where are the keys?

Prue Halliwell: Keys?

Phoebe Halliwell: You know, shiny silver silver things that go jingle jingle.

— Phoebe Halliwell (Alyssa Milano), Charmed, Season 3: Once Upon a Time

Sassy Snark Where Are The Keys Sarcasm

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Ava’s the kind of girl that you take home to your parents, and I am the kind you take to an exorcism.

— Sara Lance / White Canary (Caity Lotz), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 3: Daddy Darhkest

Girl Woman Parents Meet the Parents Exorcism joke Sassy Relationships

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Rick: Alright, Morty, I just gotta erhp combine it with some of your DNA.

Morty: Oh well, okay. [unzips]

Rick: A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. This isn't Game of Thrones.

— Rick Sanchez (voice) (Justin Roiland), Rick and Morty, Season 1: Rick Potion #9

DNA hair Game of Thrones Sassy

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Dee: I am not a failure!

Mac: Dennis, what is it that you call it when somebody tries to do something but doesn't succeed?

Dennis: Uh, that would in fact be a failure.

— Mac (Rob McElhenney), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 2: Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass

Failure Fail Sassy Diss

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Lois Griffin: Stewie, hold my hand.

Stewie Griffin: No, thank you, I prefer to die giving you the finger.

— Stewie Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), Family Guy, Season 11: Space Cadet

Snark I Hate You Mom Dying Sassy

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[Speaking to his family] Well you guys we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and the rest of the place applauding them.

— Peter Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), Family Guy, Season 11: Farmer Guy

Dysfunctional Families Sassy Going Out To Eat

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Lois Griffin: Brian, you're home early. What happened with your date?

Brian Griffin: Same thing that always happens: she was an idiot.

— Brian Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), Family Guy, Season 3: Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows

Snark Dating Sucks Dating Modern Love Sassy

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Peter Griffin: Me? Go to a PTA meeting? What, are you high?

Lois Griffin: Nah, not anymore, I crashed hours ago. By the way, we are out of chips, cookies, and funnybones.

— Lois Griffin (voice) (Alex Borstein), Family Guy, Season 4: Peter's Got Woods

Sassy high Munchies Parenting

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M’Lady: Salem, you’re the only one who understands me.

Salem: Yeah, but it doesn’t mean I care.

— Salem Saberhagen (voice) (Nick Bakay), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 1: A Halloween Story

Understanding Connection joke Rude Sassy

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Father Thomas: There's nothing you can do. It will find us, and when it does we're all dead.

Piper: Well, you're just a ray of sunshine now, aren't ya?

— Piper Halliwell (Holly Marie Combs), Charmed, Season 3: Primrose Empath

Ray Of Sunshine Sarcasm Sassy We're All Dead

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Niles: Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast universe there isn't intelligent life on other planets?

Frasier: At the moment, I'm not sure there's intelligent life in this kitchen.

— Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer), Frasier, Season 2: The Candidate

Certainty Vast Universe intelligent life planets Sassy kitchen

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Eric: Uh, well, I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid and worth hearing.

Red: Well, that's, that's perfect Eric. Use that line when you're up for Miss America.

— Red Forman (Kurtwood Smith), That '70s Show, Season 1: Streaking

political Opinion Valid worth hearing Sassy sarcastic Miss America

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Dee: How could you not tell me you were gay?

Terrell: I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia! I didn't think it was that big a secret.

— Deandra Reynolds (Kaitlin Olson), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 1: The Gang Gets Racist

gay Musical Theatre actor Secret Sassy

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J.D.: Oh, God, his ex-wife. The tension actually hurts. You have to break it; say something, anything! [aloud] Banana hammock!

Dr. Cox: I'm betting your ability to thrive under pressure is what drove you to medicine.

— John 'J.D.' Dorian (Zach Braff), Scrubs, Season 1: My Own Personal Jesus

Banana Hammock tension Under Pressure Sassy awkward

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Malory: ...and then, give me the file I asked for!

Ray: Yeah, why don't I shove a broom up my ass and sweep the floor while I'm at it?

— Ray Gillette (voice), Archer, Season 4: The Papal Chase

Broom ass Sweep multitask demands Sassy

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Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn?

Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.

— Sterling Archer (voice) (H. Jon Benjamin), Archer, Vice: Southbound and Down

Porn Different Types Of Porn Women Sex Internet Self-Loathing Sock masturbation Sassy

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Lana: What's in Miami?

Malory: Besides 90% of all mosquitoes and Cubans on earth?

— Malory Archer (voice) (Jessica Walter), Archer, Vice: A Kiss While Dying

Mosquitoes Cubans Miami Sassy

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Brian Griffin: You are getting a little old for a teddy bear.

Stewie Griffin: Brian, I'm one.

Brian Griffin: Still?

— Brian Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), Family Guy, Season 5: Road to Rupert

Sassy Snark Teddy Bears

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Quinn: Is this gonna take long? I'm suppose to be somewhere.

Daria: Oh, is there another tight pants sale going on at the mall?

— Daria Morgendorffer (voice) (Tracy Grandstaff), Daria, Season 1: The Big House

Sassy Tight Pants mall

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Mr. O'Neill: So you see, girls, I don't want to change the intent of the poster, I just want to make it more palatable. You know what they say: 'A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.'

Jane: Not if you're diabetic.

— Jane Lane (voice) (Wendy Hoopes), Daria, Season 2: Arts 'n' Crass

Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down Diabetes Sassy

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Helen: Oh my, where is everyone?

Daria: Dad, Tom and Jeffy are outside trying to catch a squirrel and Quinn's in her room crying.

Helen: Why? What happened?

Daria: Male bonding, I guess.

— Daria Morgendorffer (voice) (Tracy Grandstaff), Daria, Season 5: One J at a Time

Crying Male Bonding Sassy

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Kudos on the childrearing. Let me know how the therapy goes.

— Shawn Spencer (James Roday), Psych, Season 1: Spellingg Bee

Childrearing therapy Parenthood Sassy

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Trust me, you're banging 8 strangers who responded to a flyer. At some point you're going to look out a window and question every decision you've ever made.

— Glenn Quagmire (Seth MacFarlane), Family Guy, Season 11: 12 and a Half Angry Men

Sex Orgies Sassy

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Sometimes in life, you just have to accept what's coming to you. Like the contestant who gets the lesser showcase on ''The Price is Right''.

— Brian Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), Family Guy, Season 10: Stewie Goes for a Drive

Sassy SASS Bad Luck

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Shawn: I'm just saying, technology is way overrated.

Gus: That's interesting-- just yesterday you told me you intend on having your wedding in space.

— Burton 'Gus' Guster (Dule Hill), Psych, Season 4: High Noon-ish

Technology Overrated wedding In space Sassy

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Oh, spare me the sanctimonious lecture. You never cared about me. In the words of one of my actual friends: Ya basic. It's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now.

— Michael (Ted Danson), The Good Place, Season 2: The Burrito

Basic Insult devastating joke Sassy

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Libby: What’s your problem, Freak? Hoping Santa will give you a personality this year?

Sabrina: And a crossbow!

— Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Sabrina Claus

Insult bullying Sassy Comeback santa Christmas Holidays Violence

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Sgt. Slater: Spellman, Spellman... Why is that name so familiar? Hilda Spellman... Hilda Thorn-In-My-Side Spellman! Don't tell me you're related to Hilda Spellman?

Sabrina: ...Okay!

— Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 2: Sabrina Gets Her License (2)

Lie joke Family Sassy

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I’d rather die than speak German.

— Mick Rory / Heat Wave (Dominic Purcell), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 2: Out of Time

Language German Die dramatic Snarky Sassy joke

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Well, no wonder you're heartbroken; you've just lost the only woman you could even possibly sometime down the line perhaps fall in love with. I'm surprised the country music people haven't jumped all over this one!

— Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce), Frasier, Season 5: Desperately Seeking Closure

Heartbroken Sassy Women possibly Love Country Music

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Why are we talking and not kissing?

— Bay Kennish (Vanessa Marano), Switched at Birth, Season 1: Dogs Playing Poker

talking Kissing Sassy Relationships

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[rolls dice at craps table] All right, come on now, baby needs a new pair of shoes, and by baby I do mean me.

— Paige Matthews (Rose McGowan), Charmed, Season 5: Lucky

Gambling Baby Needs A New Pair Of Shoes Sassy

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Evil Mick. I guess that’s just regular Mick, but still.

— Sara Lance / White Canary (Caity Lotz), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 2: Land of the Lost

Evil Regular Insult Rude Sassy Snarky joke

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Sandy: The minute you were born, I knew that I would never take another easy breath again without knowing that you were safe.

Seth: So, I'm like asthma?

— Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher), The O.C., Season 1: The Model Home

born father Son Breath Safety parental love Asthma Sassy joke

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Ryan: It's kind of a shady neighborhood. It's pretty hardcore up there.

Seth: Dude, it's Long Beach, not Chechnya.

— Seth Cohen (Adam Brody), The O.C., Season 1: The Outsider

shady Neighborhood Long Beach Chechnya Caliornia rough Hardcore joke Sassy

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This is a little reserved for Naomi unless she has some naked firemen jump out of those swans.

— Erin Silver (Jessica Stroup), 90210, Season 5: The Sea Change

Naked fireman reserved Sassy Snarky Swans humor party

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