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Bridgette Bird

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All Grab Em by The Pussy (1)studying (1)Lookism (1)Rent (1)Landlord (1)Indecision (1)prostitution (1)Unemployment (1)Gross (1)Larry Bird (1)Prostitution-Adjacent (1)Frequent Urination (1)Donald Trump (1)Goldie Hawn (1)Getting High (1)

From “Mark's Lunch & Two Cups of Coffee”

Bridgette: I'm going on a date with my dad! Eliza: Yay! So gross.

Incest Gross

Bridgette: I would like a ball. Augusto: A ball, uh? Bridgette: A ball, like Khloe Kardashian, a ball. Augusto: You mean a bowl? Bridgette: That's what I said, a bowla. Augusto: That doesn't seem very you.

Ball bowl Khloe Kardashian

From “Chocolate Pudding & a Cooler of Gatorade”

Bridgette: Joe poops in a bag. Tutu: So what? Everyone has challenges.

Poop Pooping in Bags Challenges

From “Run, Bridgette, Run or Forty-Eight Burnt Cupcakes & Graveyard Rum”

Eliza: Bridge, I have to finish getting ready. Bridgette: Well, you're wearing like four outfits. Why not just pick one of those?

Getting Dressed Indecision

From “Half a Sheet Cake & a Blue-Raspberry Slushie”

Recruitment Consultant: Moving on, do you have any special skills? Bridgette: Yes...basketball. Recruitment Consultant: You know, I think I might actually have an opening in prostitution. Bridgette: As in, prostitution? Recruitment Consultant: It's actually perfect for you. Make your own hours, pays…

Recession-Proof Prostitution-Adjacent prostitution Unemployment

Landlord: Bridgette please, I need your rent. Bridgette: You wanna get high?

Landlord Rent Evasion Getting High

From “A Box of Dunkies and Two Squirts of Maple Syrup”

Doctor: Take my advice, have fun, go have sex. Bridgette: With who? Doctor: Just find somebody, have sex. Just make sure it's protected. Bridgette: It's so hard for me to do that.

Sex Unprotected Sex STDs

Jesse: What are you doing here? Bridgette: It's, um you know what, it's Larry's birthday tomorrow, and so I just went to get him some goodies. Jesse: Oh, my God, you had a kid, and you named him Larry Bird. Bridgette: Why? You think I should change it?

Larry Bird Children's Names birthday

From “1,800 Filet-O-Fishes & One Small Diet Coke”

Bridgette: What happened to you at Harvard? Casey: What do you mean? Bridgette: I don't know. Harvard's made you— Casey: What? Bridgette: Just like, you're just different. Casey: Different? Bridgette: Yeah, just like, you know. Casey: Well, in high school, I was different. Bridgette: You were not.…

Harvard studying Cheating College Exams

From “Deep-Dish Pizza & a Shot of Holy Water”

Bridgette: What's that? Rafi: It's a muscleman mud run. What's that about? Man: Wicked hard obstacle course. Alright? Raising money for the V.A., It beats slaving away at the gym. Right? Rafi: I'm down for that. Bridgette: Is it for dudes, only? Man: No. Eliza: Then, why did you only hand it to the…

Muscleman Mud Run obstacle course Lookism

Bridgette: I just wish you could at least pretend to support me. Tutu: I support you every single day, honey. I pray for you. Bridgette: Yeah? What do you say? Tutu: I say, ‘Dear Heavenly Father, please protect my Bridgette. She's a little lost. She's like a sheep. Please guide her towards—'…

prayer pigs Sheep

Eliza: What the fuck did we just agree to do? Bridgette: I don't know. It's like we're in a bad Goldie Hawn movie from the '80s.

Goldie Hawn 80s Movies

Bridgette: I just wish I didn't have a pussy to grab. Eliza: Well, maybe you need like a chastity belt. Like in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Bridgette: I pee too much.

Grab Em by The Pussy Donald Trump Robin Hood: Men in Tights Frequent Urination

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