Ben Schwartz Quotes

Total quotes (6)

Ben Schwartz

Ben Schwartz

Birthname

Birthday September 15, 1981

Birthplace The Bronx, New York, United States

Educated At Union College

Nationality United States Of America

Occupations Television Actor, Film Actor, Screenwriter, Actor

Characters Portrayed

Total quotes (6)

Douglas, did someone sprinkle a little extra pussy in your cereal this morning?

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 2: Til Death Do Us Part

Sassy Vagina Called Out cereal

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It’s like I always say. When life gives you lemons, you sell some of your grandma’s jewelry, and go clubbing.

— Jean-Ralphio (Ben Schwartz), Parks and Recreation, Season 6: London, Part 1

Motto when life gives you lemons clubbing Stealing jewlery Grandma

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Imminent demise! Imminent demise!

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 1: The Mayan Apocalypse

Imminent demise Failure Celebration Owning it

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You know, maybe to be safe you just shouldn't say anything at all.

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 2: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Planet

Sassy Safe say anything talking

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They're masters of the fucking universe.

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 1: Gods of Dangerous Financial Instruments

Masters Universe Rulers In Charge

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Guys I'm straight on fire today.

— Clyde Oberholt (Ben Schwartz), House of Lies, Season 1: Utah

On fire Doing Well killing it

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Related quotes to Ben Schwartz tagged Sassy, Failure, Universe

Jerry: Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!

Rick: Well, I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry, but life is made of little concessions.

— Rick Sanchez (voice) (Justin Roiland), Rick and Morty, Season 2: Total Rickall

Sassy Grandchildren Concessions Sacrifices unemployed

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My husband told me he thinks my sexual orientation is 'being right' and I’ve never felt more seen.

— Jessica Valenti, via twitter.com

Being Right LOL humor Sassy True Quote of the Moment

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I'm sorry, Sabrina. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you.

— Salem Saberhagen (voice) (Nick Bakay), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 3: Salem, the Boy

Power Hungry rule Sassy Apology

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Dr. Eric Foreman: I think your argument is specious.

Dr. Gregory House: I think your tie is ugly.

— Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House, Season 1: Occam's Razor

argument Specious Sassy Diss ugly Insult

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Penny: Sheldon, you know, I do understand what you’re going through.

Sheldon: Really? Did you just have the Nobel Prize in waitressing stolen from you?

— Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory, Season 3: The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation

sympathy Understand Sassy Nobel Prize

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Space? Been there, done that.

— Dexter (Christine Cavanaugh), Dexter's Laboratory, Season 2: Ol' McDexter

Space been there done that Sassy

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This is not 'Bring Your Problems To Work Day', this is just 'Work Day.'

— Bob Kelso (Ken Jenkins), Scrubs, Season 2: My Monster

Work Work Problems Work Days Sassy

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Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.

Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.

— Dionne Davenport (Stacey Dash), Clueless

plastic surgeon Active balls nose social life Sassy Diss

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It's called 'Fortress of Solitude.' Not 'Fortress of Come on In.'

— Steve Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 10: Faking Bad

Fortress Sassy Alone annoyed

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Dr. James Wilson: That smugness of yours really is an attractive quality.

Dr. Gregory House: Thank you. It was either that or get my hair highlighted. Smugness is easier to maintain.

— Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House, Season 1: Occam's Razor

Smug sarcastic Attractive Quality Sassy Maintain hair

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Oh, yeah, because Niagara is where all the well-adjusted single men go to meet available women.

— Annie Walker (Piper Perabo), Covert Affairs, Season 1: Fool in the Rain

Niagara Falls well-adjusted single men Women meet dates Sassy

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Dr. Allison Cameron: Men should grow up.

Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

— Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House, Season 1: Occam's Razor

Men Dogs habits Sassy sarcastic Grow Up

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Ray: Listen dad, when was the last time you said I love you to someone?

Frank: What? Do you live in a freaking fairyland?

— Frank Barone (Peter Boyle), Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 1: I Love You

Love said i love you Sassy freaking fairyland

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I could have eaten a box of alphabets and crapped a better interview!

— Frank Barone (Peter Boyle), Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 2: Ray's on TV

food alphabets crapped better Interview Sassy

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Totally rather get shot than look like a Sears model.

— Nate Heywood (Nick Zano), DC's Legends of Tomorrow, Season 3: Aruba-Con

shot Violence model Sears Sassy Snarky joke

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What happened, Preacher? Jesus take your wheel?

— Tulip O'Hare (Ruth Negga), Preacher, Season 1: See

Sassy Jesus take the wheel jesus Preacher

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Oh, where are you throwing that ball?! Come on! Have an idea out there!

— Frank Barone (Peter Boyle), Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 2: T-Ball

throwing balls idea Sassy sideline coaching

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Roxie: Do you hear yourself when you speak?

Morgan: Depends on what I say.

— Morgan Cavanaugh (Elisa Donovan), Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Season 6: Sabrina's Date with Destiny

joke Ditzy dumb Sassy

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Hugo 'Hurley' Reyes: Did either of you see a bald guy in slippers with a coconut come through here?

Charlie Pace: No. But I did see a polar bear on roller skates with a mango.

— Charlie Pace (Dominic Monaghan), Lost, Season 2: Dave

Snark Sassy Sarcasm

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