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Andrew Goldberg Quotes

Total quotes: 85
“Hey man I got a medical emergency so I gotta bounce. Jack off twice and page me in the morning.”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Cartoon Shows, Cartoon Network
“Maurice: I know I'm a broken record with this but mercury is in retrograde.

Andrew: Enough with the astrology.

Maurice: Spoken like a two-faced fuckin' Gemini.”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Cartoon Shows, Cartoon Network
“All you had to do was kiss a dude. Most straight guys do it on accident.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: kiss, Dude, straight, make-out
“Marty Glouberman doesn't relax. The man eats on the toilet to save time.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Florida
Tagged: relax, Eat, Toilet, Saving Time
“I came here to do two things. Eat some Pringles and get my body rocked.”
— Lola Skumpy, Big Mouth, Season 6: The Hookup House
Tagged: goal, Pringles, Body Rock
“We just need to get through dinner, and then we can do the titty tango.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 6: Andrew's Gonna Touch A Boob Tonight
Tagged: Dinner, Date, tango
“I am scared and aroused, the chocolate and peanut butter of feelings.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 6: Dadda Dia!
Tagged: Feelings, Scared, aroused, combination
“Oh, to be so horny, but so unlovable. It's truly Shakespearean, darling.”
— Mona, Big Mouth, Season 6: The Parents Aren't Alright
Tagged: Unlovable, Horny, shakespeare, Poetic
“Meg Griffin: [Deep gruff voice] You're all my bitches now!

Stewie Griffin: ...ok”
— Meg Griffin (voice), Family Guy, Season 8: Dial Meg for Murder
“Andrew Glouberman: I'm coming, I'm coming.

Hormone Monster: Not yet, that's why we gotta get to the bathroom, Sweetheart!”
— Maurice "Maury" Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 1: Ejaculation
Tagged: coming, Sweetheart, bathroom
“Jessi: Those girls are gonna eat him alive...and then barf him back out because they're bulimic.

Matthew: You're fucking funny. She's funny! We're friends now.”
— Jessi, Big Mouth, Season 1: Ejaculation
Tagged: Girls, eat him alive, Barf, Bulimic, Funny
“The girls should not be punished because the boys won't control themselves.”
— Jessi Glaser (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Girls, boys, punished, Control
“Andrew: Broken-home sex-freak gas-station whore.

Maury: Oh, that sounds like a Billy Joel lyric.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 6: The Parents Aren't Alright
Tagged: Lyric, Billy Joel
“This might be my morning soda talking, but fuck everybody, I'm outta here.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Morning, soda, Caffeine, out, Leaving
“Pressure, yes. Let's get your mom's panini press. We'll make a pan-enis. The house will smell for weeks.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: Smell, Panini, Gross, pressure
“I'm not nervous. I'm just uncertain how things will go and, therefore, deeply terrified.”
— Matthew, Big Mouth, Season 3: Obsessed
Tagged: Nerves, Nervous, Terrifed
“Nick: I mean until Trump got elected, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill.

Andrew: Oh yeah, what happened with that? 

Nick: I think it's gonna be Papa John now.”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, Season 3: Duke
Tagged: Harriet Tubman, Papa John, Pizza, Money
“Yeah, I feel like a dirty piece of meat. Like a slab of prime rib that knows what's what.”
— Lola, Big Mouth, Season 3: Rankings
Tagged: dirty, Meat, metaphor example
“Smooches are for the weekend and the last I checked, it's Wednesday. ”
— Lars, Big Mouth, Season 3: Disclosure the Movie
Tagged: Kissing, Smooches , Weekend
“Jay: I'm going to lick the breakfast out of your molars.

Lola: Hope you like Lean Pocket Shrimp Vindaloo.”
— Lola, Big Mouth, Season 4: Cafetaria Girls
Tagged: make-out, kiss
“My whole body is tense, like Joe Biden is whispering a dirty joke in my ear.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 4: The Funeral
Tagged: tense, Joe Biden, Dirty Joke
“Maury: You know, Rick once helped me out of a Costco. You can't find the exit in those places.

Rick: You just gotta look for the entrance. The entrance is the exit, man!”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 5: Re-New Year's Eve
Tagged: Costco, lost, Exit, entrance
“Andrew, I gotta level with you, bud. You are out of shape. You struggle with stairs, and you have a hard time pouring milk. You're going to kill yourself.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 5: Sugarbush
Tagged: stairs, milk, unhealthy, Real Talk, Truth
“It would have been totally within my rights to abandon or abort this kid or make it think I'm its aunt or something. But that's not what I want now.”
— Constance the Hormone Monstress , Big Mouth, Season 6: Rice Purity Test
Tagged: rights, Reproductive Health, Choice
“What is the point of research papers? Every thing's on Wikipedia, and it's all completely accurate.”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, Season 3: How To Have An Orgasm
Tagged: Wikipedia, Research Papers , accurate
“Gay Town sounds fun, but I've thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami. ”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Rankings
Tagged: gay, Bi, sexuality
“We hate camp. It stinks like trees. And the boy only likes to poop at home.”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 4: The New Me
Tagged: camp, Trees, Stinks, summer camp
“I mean, sure, normally I'd go home and jerk off, eat a giant page of Doritos, fall asleep on the floor, fart myself awake, and go down to dinner.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 5: No Nut November
Tagged: doritos, Fart, Routine
“Ladies, women, girl bosses, let's take a step back and remember who the real enemy is. The boys!”
— Jessi Glaser, Big Mouth, Season 5: The Shane Lizard Rises
Tagged: Enemy, boys, Girls
“Christmas is the perfect orgy of bright lights, dairy-based alcoholic beverages, and great deals at your local Honda dealership!”
— Maury the Hormone Monster, Big Mouth, Season 5: A Very Big Mouth Christmas
Tagged: Christmas, Drinks, Perfect, Honda
“Hey, don't talk directly to the audience. Who do you think you are? The Fleabag?”
— Marty Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 5: A Very Big Mouth Christmas
Tagged: Fleabag, audience, reference
“I mean, life shits all over you like you're a statute at a bird sanctuary.”
— Matthew MacDell, Big Mouth, Season 5: Sugarbush
Tagged: Life, Simile Examples, bird sanctuary
“Oh, my God! I never tried ceviche, even though I told everyone I hated it!”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, Season 5: Sugarbush
Tagged: Ceviche, Hate, upset, Lies
“Well, of course, sexism sucks, but it's really all a part of this whole crazy obsession you humans have with gender roles.”
— Montel, Big Mouth, Season 6: Asexual Healing
Tagged: Sexism, gender roles, Obsession
“Andrew: What's a head push?

Jessi: Its when a man pushes a woman's head to try to get a blowjob.
 
Nick: Wait that's a move!?”
— Andrew, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Cartoon Shows, Cartoon Network
“Daniel, you've been a busy little asshole, huh?”
— Matthew, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Busy, Diss, Sassy
“I may have bitten off more than I can fuck.”
— Jay Bilzerian (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Bitten off more than I can chew , Sex
“You're becoming your own person and it's rad.”
— Leah Birch, Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Person, Rad, Independent
“I love how you inspire me to jack off.”
— Nick Birch, Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Love, inspiration, masturbation
“You look like a coconut that fell into a campfire.”
— Matthew, Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Similie Examples, Coconut, Fire
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