Parks And Rec - Netflix

56 Brilliant 'Parks & Rec' Quotes That Will Make You Want To Binge Watch The Whole Series Right Now

My body is finely tuned, like a microchip. 
Katie Mather
September 15, 2016
“Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.”
— Ben Wyatt, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: Idaho, Television, Funny, humor
“How do you make any event classy on a budget? Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.”
— Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Red Carpet, classy
“I hope no one minds if I live-tweet this bitch.”
— Donna Meagle, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Live Tweet
“I think that comic sans always screams fun, right?”
— Jerry Gergich, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Comic Sans
“One time I waited outside a woman’s house for five days just to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her. Turns out, it was the wrong house. She loved the story anyway. We got to third base. Over the pants.”
— Jean-Ralphio, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Third Base, Dating
“3… 2… 1, aaaand my shift is over. What the f*** is your problem?”
— Anne Perkins, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Job, enemies
“We have a couple of house rules, though. You can’t use the front door. You have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal ‘usted.’ And no electricity after 6:00 PM.

A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast.”
— April Ludgate, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, House Rules
“My body is finely tuned, like a microchip, and the flu is like a grain of sand. It could literally shut down the entire system.”
— Chris Traeger, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Bodies, Health
“I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired.”
— Andy Dwyer, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Sad, Pointless, Life
“OK, everyone: shut up! And look at me!

Welcome to ‘Visions of Nature.’ This room has several paintings in it. Some are big, some are small. People did them and they’re here now. I believe that after this is over, they’ll be hung in government buildings. Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they could just go outside and stand in it. Anyway, please do not misinterpret the fact that I am talking right now as genuine interest in art and attempt to discuss it with me further. End of speech.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Art, Government, Ron Swanson
“I wonder who else was born in Eagleton.

Voldemort, probably.”
— Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Government, Voldemort
“Pizza? Never heard of it.”
— Ben Wyatt, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: Funny, humor, Pizza, Calzones
“Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.”
— Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Work, party
“It’s not my favorite shirt… but it is my least favorite shirt.”
— Donna Meagle, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Shirts, Least Favorite
“Jerry: 'I really wish I could have your body.' 
Tom: 'What?' 
April: 'Eww, like tied up naked in your basement?' 
Jerry: 'No, no I mean you’re in good shape and you can eat whatever you want.' 
Leslie: 'That was weird, Jerry.'”
— Jerry Gergich, Tom Haverford, April Ludgate, Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Body, Health, Miscommunication, Weird
“I hope you brought a change of clothes because your eyes are about to piss tears.”
— Jean-Ralphio, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Weird, Laughter
“Jogging is the worst. I know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?”
— Anne Perkins, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Jogging
“Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons.”
— April Ludgate, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Horizons, Goals
“I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight, and I’ve already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth.”
— Chris Traeger, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Crying
“I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything.”
— Andy Dwyer, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Ramen, Cooking
“History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, History, Government
“Calzones are pointless. They’re just pizza that’s harder to eat. No one likes them.”
— Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Pizza, Calzones
“No, that’s Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don’t you? It’s important to me that you know that.”
— Ben Wyatt, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: Funny, humor, England, Hogwarts, royalty, Buckingham Palace
“Most people would say ‘the deets’, but I say ‘the tails’. Just another example of innovation.”
— Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Abbreviations, Innovation
“Use him. Abuse him. Lose him. That’s the Meagle motto.”
— Donna Meagle, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Dating
“Jean-Ralphio: 'Ben...Is that your real name?'
Ben: 'Yes...?'
Jean-Ralphio: 'Oh you could do better than that. I’m gonna help you out right now, your name is... Angelo. Angelo thank you so much for coming out. Get a thicker tie, it looks weird on you. It makes your head look like a fish. Secondly, I don’t know where the paperwork is, but when you find it can you take care of it for us? We don’t have any pens ’cause we’re afraid it’s gonna leak on our shirts. Well actually I hate the name Angelo I’m gonna switch it up for you right now. Your new nickname is… Jell-o shot. What do you think about that J-shot? Any questions?'”
— Jean-Ralphio, Ben Wyatt, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Weird, Nicknames
“As Leslie’s Maid of Honor, I really need her bachelorette party to go well, which is why I’m stress-eating these gummy penises.”
— Anne Perkins, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, wedding, Maid Of Honor, Stress
“I really only listen to, like, German death reggae, Halloween sound effects from the 1950s, and Bette Midler. Obviously.”
— April Ludgate, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Music, Bette Midler
“I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.”
— Chris Traeger, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, Options, Choices, terrible
“I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.”
— Andy Dwyer, Parks and Recreation
Tagged: humor, Funny, No Idea What I'm Doing, Clueless