I knew what I looked like. I had mirrors in my home. I'd just seen myself in pictures. I wasn't in the dark about it. I just assumed at that time that if I could display a talent worthy of praise, if I could prove that I was worthy of attention, that I wasn't just who you thought I was... I guess I thought I wouldn't be fat anymore. That may seem silly. I know that now. But at the time I thought that if I could just get the world to see me the way I saw myself then my body wouldn't be the thing you walked away thinking about.