That I have repressed around 6 firefights that I've been in, in which I killed people. Like I said, I have repressed the memories and they only came back last year when I spoke to an old military buddy.
He was doing the whole "hey, remember when we were in Kuwait and got into that running gun battle with the Republican guards?". I laughed and told him no, that he has me mistaken for someone else.
A long silence, then a few more questions about other incidents...then everything came back and hit me like a tidal wave. I cried for a few days after that, and the memories haunt me.
I never want my daughter to know that I am responsible for killing other human beings.
I have been working with a psychiatrist and a PTSD counselor, and it has helped.