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The Addams Family Quotes

“Wednesday: Pass the salt.
Morticia: And what do we say?
Wednesday: [sternly] Now.”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
“Wednesday: [hooking up an electric chair] Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: So we can play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, 'Is There a God?'”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: Sadism, Electric Chair
“[upon seeing that Fester is actually Gordon] I knew it! You are a fake!”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: fake
“Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing.”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: I Got This, Confidence
“Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: Bermuda Triangle, vacation, Doom
“I'll clean my room. In exchange for your immortal soul.”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor
“Wednesday [Cranking the switches]: 'It has to warm up.'

Pugsley: 'Why?'

Wednesday: 'So it can kill you.'

Pugsley: 'I knew that.'”
— Wednesday Addams, Pugsley, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor
“[Pugsley is tied up, mumbling urgently around an apple in his mouth.]

Wednesday: Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing.

[She levels a crossbow.]”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor
“Wednesday: 'May I have the salt?'

Morticia: 'What do we say?'

Wednesday: 'Now.'”
— Ellen, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Family
“Girl Scout: 'Is this made from real lemons?'

Wednesday: 'Yes.'

Girl Scout: 'I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?'

Pugsley: 'Yes.'

Girl Scout: 'Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?'

Wednesday: 'Are they made from real Girl Scouts?'”
— Wednesday Addams, Pugsley, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor
“[As they're about to bury two people.]
Pugsley: 'Are they dead?'

Wednesday: 'Does it matter?'”
— Wednesday Addams, Pugsley, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor
“This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac, they look just like everyone else.”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor, Halloween
“Joel: 'Wednesday, do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?'
 
Wednesday: 'No.'
 
Joel: 'But what if you met the right man, who worshiped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?'
 
Wednesday: 'I'd pity him.'”
— Wednesday Addams, Joel, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor, husband, Pity
“If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.”
— Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Dark Humor, husband
“Morticia: 'Wednesday's at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.'
 
Ellen: 'Boys?'
 
Wednesday: 'Homicide.'”
— Wednesday Addams, Morticia, Ellen, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, Growing Up, boys
“Amanda: 'Why are you dressed like that?'
 
Wednesday: 'Like what?'
 
Amanda: 'Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?'
 
Wednesday: 'Wait.'”
— Wednesday Addams, Amanda, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, insults, Black
“Wednesday: 'I don't want to be in the pageant.'
 
Gary: 'Don't you want to help me realize my vision?'
 
Wednesday: 'Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.'

Gary: 'Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.'”
— Wednesday Addams, Gary, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, insults, Attitude
“Amanda: 'Is that your bathing suit?'
 
Wednesday: 'Is that your overbite?'”
— Wednesday Addams, Amanda, The Addams Family
Tagged: Funny, dark, insults
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