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Heathers Quotes

“Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people ‘real life.’ She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: dear diary, Real Life, losers, Eagles, Fuck, fly
“They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Friend, Fuck, worship
“I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Death, prayer, Praise Jesus, Hallelujah
“Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: aerobics, Kissing Ass, Dream, Freedom
“Ugh, such a pillowcase.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Ugh, PIllowcase
“Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?


Heather Duke: Because I can be.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Friend, Bitch, Mega-Bitch, Because I can
“You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic!”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: rebel, Psychotic
“Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

Veronica Sawyer: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots. It's a real party continent.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Thanksgiving, Hunger, Africa, Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots
“Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?”
— Heather Duke, Heathers
Tagged: dick, Pulling My Dick
“Veronica Sawyer: That knife is filthy.

Jason Dean: What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?

Veronica Sawyer: Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Filthy, Tonsils, Understatement
“I say we just grow up, be adults, and die.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Grow Up, adults, Die
“Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.

Veronica Sawyer: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on US fucking A Today. That's about the least private thing I can think of.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Privacy, Statistics, USA Today
“My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.”
— Kurt's Dad, Heathers
Tagged: Homosexuality, Privacy, Dead Gay Son
“Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen.”
— Peter Dawson, Heathers
Tagged: prayer, Ivy League, Suicide
“This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: pms, Menstrual Cycle
“Veronica Sawyer: I can't believe this is my life. Oh my God. I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

Jason Dean: Ah, right. I'm just a little freaked here. Well at least you got what you wanted, you know?


Veronica Sawyer: Got what I wanted? It is one thing to want somebody out of your life, it is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: SAT Scores, San Quentin, Stanford, Prison, College
“What is your damage, Heather?”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: What's Your Damage?
“Jesus God in Heaven, why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?”
— Ram, Heathers
Tagged: jesus, God, Heaven, Kill, Hot, Snatch
“Is this a weak turnout or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.”
— Heather Chandler, Heathers
Tagged: Turnout, Weak, funeral
“Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Lick It Up
“Veronica: If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

Heather McNamara: Probably.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Conformity
“Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.”
— Pauline Fleming, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Understatement, Irony, teenager, Decisions
“Veronica Sawyer: If you think I'm doing another suicide note, you're wrong!

Jason Dean: You don't get it, do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think upon itself. Nobody is going to care about exact handwriting.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Suicide, Suicide Attempts, Suicide Note, Penmanship
“Well, it’s just like they’re people I work with and our ‘job’ is being popular and shit.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: Job, Being Popular, Shit
“Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.

Veronica: Yeah? I just got back.”
— Heather Duke, Heathers
Tagged: Hell, Look Like Hell
“Chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Chaos, Dinosaurs
“Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the West...wait, East. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho.”
— Veronica Sawyer, Heathers
Tagged: true friend, Swatch, Wicked Witch of the West, Pyscho, Diet Coke
“Veronica: I just killed my best friend.

Jason Dean: And your worst enemy.

Veronica: Same difference.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Best friend, Worst Enemy, Same Difference
“Jason Dean: Well, let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene. All right. Got an issue of Stud Puppy.

Veronica: [laughs] Great!

Jason Dean: Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I picked up: Mineral water.

Veronica: Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it's come a long way

Jason Dean: Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Homosexual, Artifacts, Stud Puppy, Joan Crawford, Mascara, Ohio, Brewski
“The extreme always seems to make an impression.”
— Jason Dean, Heathers
Tagged: Extreme, Impression
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