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Big Daddy Quotes

“[Music playing in the background]
Layla: This is Styx.

Sonny: Yeah.

Layla: They've been my favorite band since I was, like, twelve.

Sonny: You're kidding me?

Layla: No, no, I can't help it, I just love them. My friends make fun of me all the time.

Sonny: My friends make fun of me all the time, too. I've seen them, like, twenty-five times. Tommy Shaw, when I was, like, sixteen years old, I was at the concert, he actually reached out and grabbed my hand, pulled me up on stage, and I got to do the robot voice for ‘Mr. Roboto’!”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: styx, fan, mr. roboto
“I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid just so he won't feel one ounce of sadness. That's why you're here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me to be a good father. And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Sadness, Fatherhood
“You can be scared that I might get pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood or break my legs skiing. But don't be scared about me being a dad, because I will not fail. I love this kid too much. I love him as much as you love me, Dad. I'm gonna give him advice and I'm gonna guide him and I'll be there whenever he needs me. I'll fly to New York to be at his court case even if I disagree with why he's there.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Scared, Pickpockets, Dad, Love, New York
“Sonny: Get cleaned up and we'll go to Barney's.

Julian: Barney?

Sonny: Not that Barney, a different Barney. A much more expensive Barney.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: barney, expensive
“Sonny: He's the smelly kid in class!, I let him become the smelly kid in class!, What the hell's the matter with me?

Ms. Foote: Oh yes, I've had some smelly ones before, but your son is by far the smelliest.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Smelly
“Sonny: I'm thinkin' about keepin' the kid.

Phil D'Amato: Sonny, remember that time you went with me to the pet store to get fish food and you saw that cute little puppy and you wanted to get it, but then I reminded you about feeding it and cleaning it and toilet-training it?

Sonny: Yeah...

Phil D'Amato: Well, this is kinda like that—except with a human!”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: child custody, Pets, puppy, toilet training
“Mr. Herlihy: Koufax is a good egg, he was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I'm right here Miss, what are you gonna do about it? Hahaha.

Sonny: What, are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?

Mr. Herlihy: Well, I-I had a few chardonnays, what of it?

Sonny: Get off the stand, please.

Mr. Herlihy: You got it. Got a few problems.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Chardonnay, Drunk
“Sonny: Everyone's so busy with their crap lately, no one ever comes.

Mr. Herlihy: Like I'm not busy?

Sonny: Hey Mr. Herlihy, how bout you shut up before i smack you threw the wall like last week?

Mr. Herlihy: Last Monday was a fluke. Bring it on woman. Oh... hah... hahahahahahaha.

Sonny: He drinks a lot of soda.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Busy, soda, Crap, bring it on
“Sonny: What do you eat?

Julian: Food.

Sonny: Oh, yeah? Well, I eat food, too.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: eating, food, Stating the Obvious
“Mike: I am still weirded out seeing them kiss.

Sonny: Why? They're gay. That's what gay guys do.

Mike: Yeah, but they were like brothers to us in school.

Sonny: They're still our brothers. Our very gay brothers.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: men kissing, gay, brothers
“Sonny: Hey man, who won the Knick game?

Angry Guy: Who cares?

Sonny: Don't worry. He can't hold you down forever.

Angry Guy: What are you talking about?

Sonny: You know what I'm talking about.

Angry Guy: You're a loser.

Sonny: You're mad at your dad, not me. I forgive you.

Angry Guy: [walking away crying] I am. I hate my father.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: New York Knicks, Daddy Issues
“What's in the bag, Corrine? Chicken wings? Booby tassels?”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: what's in the bag, tassels, breasts, booby, chicken wings
“Layla: So two guys you were best friends with in law school fell in love with each other?

Sonny: Yeah.

Layla: Is that strange for you?

Sonny: Uh, nothing changed really. They watch a different kind of porno now.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Porno, Best Friends, Law School, Falling In Love
“[to Julian] I can't take this shit. Are you serious? [Julian continues jumping to the Kangaroo song…under his breath; about the character in the song] Douchebag kangaroo.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: douchebag, Kangaroo, Shit
“Have a good sleep there, Corrine. Pleasant hooters!”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Hooters, boobs
“My God, that's a shitload of piss.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Piss, shitload
“Sonny: I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now. Syracuse is 0 and 3. I got those medical problems.

Vanessa: Medical problems? A cab runs over your foot two years ago, you spend one night in the hospital.

Sonny: First of all that cab was huge. And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth two hundred thousand dollars, so there ya go.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: medical problems, syracuse, hypochondria
“Sonny: Don't worry about me making money. I'm in love with a woman who makes plenty of it. She'll be my sugar mamma.

Homeless Guy: I gotta get me one of those.”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: sugar mama, money making
“What, you want a father figure? Stop pulling your sister's hair!”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Father Figure, hair puller
“Sonny: Say 'Happy Halloween'.

Reluctant Trick-or-Treat Giver: Happy Halloween.

Sonny: Yeah, next year be prepared!”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Halloween, Trick or Treat, be prepared
“Corinne: What's this I hear about you doing laundry with my sister?

Sonny: Did she say we were doing laundry? Because where I come from, it's called 'doing the hibbidy-dibbidy.'”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: Laundry, Double Entendres, hibbidy-dibbidy
“Hey! You just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know you're gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh!”
— Sonny Koufax, Big Daddy
Tagged: old balls, loose skin, Gross
“Sonny was real nice to the kid. Wish my father was like him. My father was a military man. Guess I wasn't such a good soldier. Anyways, when I was 35, he tried to give me a crew cut while I was asleep. I woke up, broke his arm, haven't seen him since. I'd rather live in a dumpster then under his freaky ass rules! [Notices a McDonald's bag in Sonny's hand] Anyways, I think Sonny Koufax should be acquitted of all the charges. If O.J. can get away with murder, why can't Sonny have his kid? (points at a black man) This guy knows what I'm talking about! No more questions!”
— Homeless Guy, Big Daddy
Tagged: McDonald's, Crew Cut, Dumpster, OJ Simpson
“Julian: [after finding out he has to be taken from Sonny by the social services] You don't want me here anymore?

Sonny: [close to tears] No, that's not it, pal. You just have to go away for a while.

Julian: How long am I going away for?

Sonny: [trying not to cry] I don't want to lie to you. I don't think we'll be seeing each other anymore. I screwed up, I'm so sorry. Come here, put your coat on. This is not your fault, okay? I'm the idiot.

Julian: I don't wanna go!

Sonny: I know you don't, but you have to. You'll be okay, all right?

Julian: [clings to Sonny] Please don't make me go. I won't play the Kangaroo Song anymore.

Sonny: I know buddy, that's not it.

Julian: [as the social worker is dragging him out of the apartment] Please, I promise! I'm sorry, I don't even like that song anymore! And I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass!

Sonny: I know!”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: Social Services, kangaroo song
“Mr. Herlihy: Goddamn Jets!

Waitress: Hey, cutie! What are you doing here?

Julian: Watching football.

Waitress: Oh yeah, who do you want to win?

Julian: The Goddamn Jets.”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: Football, New York Jets, Goddamn
“[Julian is taking a leak]
Julian: How come you're not going?

Sonny: Because I don't have to go. Only you and my grandfather go every thirty seconds.”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: Frequent Urination, Prostate
“[pointing to Vanessa's older lover] Sonny, is that the man with the old balls?”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: Ageism, old balls
“Sonny: [Julian is bouncing up and down in front of the TV on a rubber ball] Hey.

Julian: Hey!

Sonny: You like hockey?

Julian: You like hockey?

Sonny: This is a big, important game.

Julian: This is a big, important game!

Sonny: Cut the crap.

Julian: Cut the crap!

Sonny: I'm being serious, don't do that.

Julian: I;m being serious, don't do that!

Sonny: [quickly] How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Julian: [stops bouncing]

Sonny: That's what I thought. Shut up. [Julian resumes bouncing in front of the TV]”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: Repetition, Hockey, tongue twisters
“Julian: I wipe my own ass.

Nazo: Me, too.”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: wipe ass
“Julian: But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.

Sonny: It's overtime right now and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so...

Julian: Kangaroo song, kangaroo song, kangaroo song, KANGAROO SONG!

Sonny: ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT! God you were normal yesterday!”
— Julian 'Frankenstien' McGrath, Big Daddy
Tagged: overtime, penalty shot, kangaroo song
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