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Tommy Swerdlow Quotes

Total quotes: 37
“Yul Brenner: How about I beat your butt right now?

Sanka Coffie: How about I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Threat, butt
“Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: winter sports, bobsledding, bones shattering, Pain
“Rudy Zolteck: How’d I do, coach?

Kevin O’Shea: I don’t know son. I don’t have a sundial.”
— Rudy Zolteck, Little Giants
Tagged: sundial, tryouts, slow
“What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing, big, bald bubblehead that can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals.”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: club-toting, tarzan, sandals
“[Sanka reveals a hot water bottle nestled under his shirt]
Derice Bannock: I can't believe you're still cold, mon.

Sanka Coffie: Cold? I'm freezing my royal Rastafarian nay-nays off!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: cold, Freezing, testicles, rastafarian
“This is what it's all about, this is whether you win or lose the race, right here in the push start! This is where you're gonna practice, right here, right here in a Volkswagen!”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: bobsledding, Volkswagen
“Becky O’Shea: [quietly doing a cheer] Give me a J. Give me a U. Give me a…

Danny O’Shea: Is that lipstick?

Becky O’Shea: No. It’s a cherry Tootsie Pop.”
— Danny O'Shea, Little Giants
Tagged: Tootsie Pop
“All I'm saying, mon, is if we walk Jamaican, talk Jamaican, and is Jamaican, then we sure as hell better bobsled Jamaican.”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Jamaican
“Yul Brenner: [the guys start climbing into the bobsled] Don't touch me!

Sanka Coffie: Hey, Baldie, get off my foot!

Yul Brenner: Don't touch me!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: don't touch me, baldie
“British Official: We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.

Irv: Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Embarrassment, black guys, blushing
“Irwin Blitzer: Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing.

Man: Yeah, so's a toilet!”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: bobsled, Simple, Toilet, Analogies
“Derice Bannock: [Derice sees Sanka's breath in the cold Calgary air] Sanka mon, whatcha smoking?

Sanka Coffie: I'm not smoking, I'm breathing!”
— Derice Bannock, Cool Runnings
Tagged: smoking, condensation, Calgary
“Here’s a kiss for Murphey. And for Patterson and Briggs, too. [Farts loudly]”
— Rudy Zolteck, Little Giants
Tagged: kiss, Fart, Gross
“Yul Brenner: Look in the mirror and tell me what you see!

Junior Bevill: I see Junior.

Yul Brenner: You see Junior? Well, let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a badass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!”
— Yul Brenner, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Pride, Power, badass
“Josef Grul: Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, ja?

Derice Bannock: What's his problem?

Irv: He's Josef Grul. He's one of the best drivers in the world.

Yul Brenner: Yeah, he's one of the biggest ASSHOLES in the world, too.”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: drivers, Assholes, Problem
“'Cool Runnings' means 'Peace Be The Journey.'”
— Derice Bannock, Cool Runnings
Tagged: cool runnings, peace be the journey
“Danny O’Shea: I don’t know, but I’ve been told.

Little Giants: Butz’s butt is green with mold.

Danny O’Shea: You say thank you I say please.

Little Giants: Kevin sits down when he pees.”
— Danny O'Shea, Little Giants
Tagged: butt, mold, Pee, Rhyme
“Sanka Coffie: So what are we gunna name the sled?

Junior Bevill: How about 'Tallulah?'

Sanka Coffie: Tallulah! Hahaha! Tallulah! Sounds like a two-dollar hooker! Where you come up with that?

Junior Bevill: That's my mother's name.”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: tallulah, Hooker, mother, mother jokes
“Sanka Coffie: Hey! Hey! What you doin?

Derice Bannock: This is what the Swiss do to psych themselves up!

Sanka Coffie: They also make them little pocket knives, too, but I don't see you doing that!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Swiss, psych, pocket knives
“That’s it, I’m leaving the country. I’m moving to New Mexico.”
— Rudy Zolteck, Little Giants
Tagged: Expatriation, New Mexico
“Sanka Coffie: So, let's talk about this billsled team.

Derice Bannock: No, bobsled team.

Sanka Coffie: Whoever. Now, about the Wheaties box. I'm gunna be on it myself, right?

Derice Bannock: No, mon, you gunna be on it with me.”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: billsled, bobsled, wheaties
“Silly guards, dogpiles don’t work on cats.”
— Puss in Boots , Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
Tagged: Silly, Dogpile , play on words, Arrest
“Derice Bannock: You don't see the Swiss team fighting, do you? You don't see the Swiss team drinking and carrying on and such.

Sanka Coffie: And you don't see the Swiss team smiling, neither. In fact, if one of those Swiss boys ever come across a pretty girl, he probably yell, 'eins, zwei, drei' and try to push her down some ice. [laughs]”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Germans, Drinking, Swiss
“[Pre-race cheer]
Kids: Who's the captain of our crew? Who's a friend to me and you? Kinda nice, good-looking too! Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!

Sanka Coffie: Ha ha ha! Get back to work!

Derice Bannock: Who's the big hot bag of air, who doesn't have to comb his hair? Who doesn't bathe and doesn't care, Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Captain, bathe, hygiene
“Kevin O’Shea: [Spike has gotten the Cowboys penalized for a personal foul on the Little Giants] Hammersmith, if that kid of yours pulls another stunt like that again, you are both out of here.

Mike Hammersmith: Hey, come on! I thought you wanted to win!

Kevin O’Shea: Not like that.”
— Kevin O'Shea, Little Giants
Tagged: Winning, Cheating
“Winning a bobsled race is about one thing: the push-start. Now I know you dainty, little track stars think you're fast. Well, heh, let's see how fast you are when you push a six-hundred pound sled. Now a respectable start-time is five-point-seven seconds. If you speed demons can't whip off an even six flat, you have a better chance of becoming a barbershop quartet.”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: bobsledding, track stars, Dainty, respectable, barbershop quartet
“Danny O’Shea: [Recruiting Timmy] Do you play football?

Timmy Moore: No.

Danny O’Shea: Do you like football?

Timmy Moore: No.

Danny O’Shea: Do you want to play football?

Timmy Moore: No.

Danny O’Shea: Great, you can be on our team.”
— Danny O'Shea, Little Giants
Tagged: Football, Aloof
“Sanka Coffie: 'Nuff people say, you know they can't believe, Jamaica, we have a bobsled team. We have the one Derice...

Derice Bannock: And the one Junior...

Junior Bevill: Yu— [Yul gives him a 'don't even think about it' look] ... Sanka!

Derice Bannock: The fastest of the fastest of Jamaican sprinters...

Sanka Coffie, Derice Bannock, Junior Bevill: Go to Olympics, fight for Jamaica!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: olympics, bobsled, jamaica
“Come on, Kurt, what you're doing here is wrong, and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's lay it all down now. All right, sixteen years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life: I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed my country, my friends, my family, my teammates, [points to Kurt] and my coach. Hey, if it's revenge you want, take it. Go ahead, disqualify me, banish me! Do whatever you want, but do it to me! It was me who let you down, Kurt! It wasn't my guys! They've done everything you've asked of them! And they did it with all of you laughing in their face. Hey, it doesn't matter tomorrow if they come in first or fiftieth. Those guys have earned the right to walk into that stadium and wave their nation's flag. That's the single greatest honor an athlete can ever have. That's what the Olympics are all about. Sixteen years ago I forgot that. Don't you go and do the same.”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Embarrassment, Honor, olympics, Revenge
“All right, Derice. Let me lay out some difficulties for you. Snow: you don't have any. It's nine hundred degrees out there. Time: you don't have any. The Olympics are in three months. And me: you don't have me. As far as I'm concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. I don't want to do it, I don't want to coach it, and most of all, and I mean most of all, I don't want to be within two thousand miles of anybody who does. Now did you follow all that?”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: olympics, Time, bobsledding
“Yul Brenner: Say whatever it is that you want 'cause you're just like every other fool on the island. You're going nowhere, Sanka, and you're thrilled to death about it. But you see me? You see me? I'm different, 'cause I know exactly where I'm going and after I, Yul Brenner, win the Olympics and become famous I'm going to leave the island and live right down there. [Pulls out picture of Buckingham Palace]

Sanka Coffie: [laughing]

Yul Brenner: What are you laughing about? What are you laughing about?

Sanka Coffie: That's Buckingham Palace. You plan on living there, you're going to have to marry the Queen.

Junior Bevill: Yul, that's where the Queen of England lives.

Sanka Coffie: Face it, Yul Brenner you can start calling yourself Madonna but you're still going to end up in an outhouse shanty like every other dock-working nobody.

Junior Bevill: Mm, says who?

Sanka Coffie: Says me, rich boy. What do you know about it?

Junior Bevill: Well, I know my father started off in a one room hut. Now he lives in one of the biggest homes in Kingston.

Sanka Coffie: Well, he ain't your father.

Junior Bevill: He doesn't have to be. All he has to do is know what he wants and work hard for it. And if he wants it bad enough, he'll get it. Look, believe me, Sanka the more Yul Brenners we got making it in this world the better off this world will be, especially for Jamaicans. Go ahead, Yul Brenner. Go get your palace.”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: olympics, Buckingham Palace, Queen of England
“Danny O’Shea: [disguising his voice as a little old lady] State police? Oh, thank God! My name is Thelma Mae Rogers, I’m 86 years old, I live in Urbania. There are two men down the bridge from the Shell station spying on some kids! [passes the phone to Timmy, who starts to ‘cry’] I just don’t think it’s right for men their age to be parading around in their underwear!

Timmy Moore: Please, hurry!

Danny O’Shea: Oh no! [hangs up the phone] Nice job, Timmy. [they high-five]”
— Danny O'Shea, Little Giants
Tagged: State Police, Shell Station, Underwear, high five
“Danny O’Shea: [Kevin and Danny are racing to claim the new player] This whole town may love you, but I’m the only one who knows how truly sick you are!

Kevin O’Shea: I treated you like a prince!

Danny O’Shea: You ignored me!

Kevin O’Shea: I took you to see the Cleveland Indians!

Danny O’Shea: You left me at the stadium!”
— Danny O'Shea, Little Giants
Tagged: Sick, Cleveland Indians, Ignored, Abandoned
“Sean Murphy: [as The Cowboys have possession of the ball; to Rudy] Get ready, dog breath. Because when I’m finished with you, you’ll be farting out of your mouth and talking out of your butt!

Rudy Zolteck: [to Tad] Is that physically possible?

[the Cowboys hike the ball and Spike gains enough yards for a first down; during the play, Murphy sends Rudy flying and landing on his face; After the play, the Little Giants check on Rudy, who’s still down]

Tad: Are you all right?

Rudy Zolteck: [Talking out of his butt] I think so.

Tad: [Impressed] Huh! Guess it is possible.”
— Rudy Zolteck, Little Giants
Tagged: Dog Breath, Fart, Mouth, butt
“Sanka Coffie: I'm the driver.

Irv: You're not. You're the brakeman.

Sanka Coffie: You don't understand, I am Sanka Coffie, I am the best pushcart driver in all of Jamaica! I must drive! Do you dig where I'm coming from?

Irv: Yeah, I dig where you're coming from.

Sanka Coffie: Good.

Irv: Now dig where I'm coming from. I'm coming from two gold medals. I'm coming from nine world records in both the two- and four-man events. I'm coming from ten years of intense competition with the best athletes in the world.

Sanka Coffie: That's a hell of a place to be coming from!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: jamaica, pushcart driver, gold medals, Competition
“Sanka Coffie: The key elements to a successful sled team are a steady driver, and three strong runners to push off down the ice. Ice? Ice!

Derice Bannock: Well, it's kind of a winter sport, you know.

Sanka Coffie: You mean winter, as in ice?

Derice Bannock: Possibly.

Sanka Coffie: You mean winter, as in igloos and Eskimos and penguins and ice?

Derice Bannock: Maybe.

Sanka Coffie: See ya!”
— Sanka Coffie, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Eskimos, Penguins, igloos, Winter, cold, ice
“Derice Bannock: Hey, Coach.

Irv: Yeah?

Derice Bannock: I have to ask you a question.

Irv: Sure.

Derice Bannock: But you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I mean, I want you to, but if you can't, I understand.

Irv: You wanna know why I cheated, right?

Derice Bannock: Yes, I do.

Irv: That's a fair question. It's quite simple, really. I had to win. You see, Derice, I'd made winning my whole life. And when you make winning your whole life, you have to keep on winning, no matter what. You understand that?

Derice Bannock: No, I don't understand. You won two gold medals. You had it all.

Irv: Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one.

Derice Bannock: Hey, coach... how will I know if I'm enough?

Irv: When you cross that finish line tomorrow, you'll know.”
— Irving 'Irv' Blitzer, Cool Runnings
Tagged: Gold Medal, Cheating
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