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Steve Hely Quotes

Total quotes: 13
“I may be blonde with great cans, but I'm pretty smart when I've had my eight hours.”
— Francine Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: Bullocks to Stan
Tagged: blonde, breasts, Smart, Sleep, Eight Hours
“Francine: It's just a CIA carnival. Why are we folding napkins?

Stan: Because they'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: Bullocks to Stan
Tagged: folding napkins, CIA, Carnival, Wipe Your Mouth, Swans, fancy
“Steve: Dad! There you are!

Stan: Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself?

Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that.”
— Steve Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: A Smith in the Hand
Tagged: Alone, Touching Myself, Perverts, Democrats, masturbation
“[after Steve tells his friends that he was making out with a chick that is 80]

Snot: Dude, she's got wrinkles!

Steve: So do raisins. But those taste pretty sweet.”
— Steve Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: Con Heir
Tagged: Old People, Making Out, kiss, Wrinkles, Raisin, sweet, Comeback
“Your mom's enthusiastic spending is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he invented capitalism.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 4: Red October Sky
Tagged: Spending, Money, jesus, Capitalism, Diss
“Steve: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage?

Stan: That's right. Or angels will kill you.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: A Smith in the Hand
Tagged: Sex, Sex Before Marriage, Angels, Death, Sin
“A car is simply a means of transporting pizzas. Thankfully the pizzas survived for they contain the dough... of life.”
— Mitch, American Dad!, Season 2: It's Good to be the Queen
Tagged: Car, Pizza, dough, Life
“You're a perfectly fine toilet... I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 8: Trivia
Tagged: is this a compliment?, Piece of Shit
“Roger: You just earned yourself a week of detention!

Hayley: There's no detention in college.

Roger: Oh. Right. Well, then I'm taking away fifty points from Gryffindor!!”
— Roger The Alien, American Dad!, Season 3: Iced, Iced Babies
Tagged: detention, College, Gryffindor, punishment, Harry Potter
“You boys see these owls? Get out of here, owls! Stop pecking at my face! I will not buy your encyclopedias! I can't read your language, I can only speak it.”
— Stan Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 3: The Magnificent Steven
Tagged: Owls, Pecking, Encyclopedias, Read, face
“Wow he is rough on you. He is elephant-making-love-to-a-cat rough on you.”
— Roger The Alien, American Dad!, Season 4: The 42-Year-Old Virgin
Tagged: rough, Sex, Making Love
“Hayley: What do you want, Jeff?

Jeff: I've been drinking all night so I could get up the courage to tell you you're my woman. And I demand you come back.

Hayley: No.

Jeff: Okay. Bye.”
— Hayley Smith (voice), American Dad!, Season 2: Bullocks to Stan
Tagged: Refusal, Woman, Demand, bye, Rejection
“Pam Beesly: Here's the story, that guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom.

Jim Halpert: Tom Matoshkin, one of my best buddies, actually.

Pam Beesly: And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group.

Jim Halpert: It was blue group, so it was second from the top.

Pam Beesly: And Tom...

Jim Halpert: Was in green group.

Pam Beesly: And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spent time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she thought that they would be a good influence.

Jim Halpert: And that's what I told him.

Pam Beesly: Right, but how'd you say it?

Jim Halpert: ...My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 7: The Seminar
Tagged: rivalry, Stupid, Bad Influence, humor, awkward
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