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Robert Carlock Quotes

Total quotes: 17
“Science was my most favorite subject. Especially the Old Testament.”
— Kenneth Parcell, 30 Rock, Season 3: Kidney Now!
Tagged: Science, Old Testament
“I did Big Sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 4: Into the Crevasse
Tagged: Big Sister, College, Little Girl, tampons, instruction
“You’re my new night job and I’m gonna love you like my boss is watching.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Episode 210
Tagged: Night Job, Love, boss, New
“Xanthippe Voorhees: Hey, Kimmy, 1996 called. It wants its clothes back.

Kimmy Schmidt: Hey, Xan, 2090 called. You're dead and you wasted your time on earth.”
— Kimmy Schmidt, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1: Kimmy Goes to a Party!
Tagged: 1996, 2090, Clothes, trends, Outdated
“There was a cyclone in Brooklyn last year. It destroyed two vintage T-shirt shops and a banjo”
— Frank Rossitano, 30 Rock, Season 5: Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning
Tagged: cyclone, Brooklyn, banjo, vintage, T-Shirt, Destroyed
“Liz: We sure had quite a year.

Jack: What’re you talking about? It’s May.
  
Liz: Shh.”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 3: Kidney Now!
Tagged: Jumping the Gun, Premature
“Kenneth: I don’t choose Democrat or Republican because choosing is a sin, so I just write in the Lord’s name.

Jack: That’s Republican; we count those.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 2: Subway Hero
Tagged: republican, Democrat, Lord, God, vote
“This musical is going to be a lop. which is a flop which couldn't give an F.”
— Titus Andromedon, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 4: Kimmy and the Beest!
Tagged: flop, Musical
“Liz: Have you seen this Tracy thing?

Jack: I am aware of it. I have a Google News alert for the phrase
‘tracy jordan ridiculous disaster.’”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 3: Apollo, Apollo
Tagged: Google, disaster, Google News
“I was breaking into the Fed naked with 'OPEC' written on me in pig's blood before you were even a twinkle in the eye of the dog that mounted your mom.”
— Lillian Kaushtupper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 2: Kimmy Goes to Her Happy Place!
Tagged: OPEC, Radicals, Dog Rape
“Here’s the reason I don’t wanna go on that family vacation: It’s a working farm. And I’m the only one whose hands are big enough to guide the bull during mating.”
— Pete Hornberger, 30 Rock, Season 3: Kidney Now!
Tagged: Farms, Bull Mating
“Hey, can I borrow a cup of flour? Some white kids outside want cocaine...”
— Lillian Kaushtupper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1: Kimmy Makes Waffles!
Tagged: Flour, Cocaine, White Kids, Anti-White Stereotypes
“Well, he’s a pediatrician, so you know he likes kids. Or feet?...No, no, kids. He has a bill from a divorce lawyer, so you know he’s single. And he has a golf magazine, so you know he’s not gay or poor.”
— Jenna Maroney, 30 Rock, Season 3: Generalissimo
Tagged: Pediatrician, Podiatrist, Divorce Lawyer, gay, poor
“Jenna: Look at Dr. Baird. How did you get a picture of him?

Liz: I told him his haircut was exactly what I’ve been trying to describe to my barber. Yeah, smooth, I know.”
— Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, Season 3: Generalissimo
Tagged: Barber, haircut
“There you are, you stupid cracker. You know why I get a hotel room? To poop in peace. No kids bangin’ on the door, No phones ringin’. It’s my time! Every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00 pm! I don’t know why I only go twice a week.”
— Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock, Season 3: Kidney Now!
Tagged: Cracker, Anti-White Racial Slurs, Pooping, Peace Of Mind
“Xanthippe Voorhees: You don't have a cell phone?

Kimmy Schmidt: Well I had a cell phone, Xan. Obvs. But I lost it. At the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn't give it back. Yeah, Xan. The monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days.”
— Kimmy Schmidt, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Season 1: Kimmy Goes on a Date!
Tagged: cell phone, Monkey, Women, empowerment
“Jack: Lemon, obviously I can’t approve of someone I’ve never met. 

Liz: Yeah, well, I’m not letting you meet Criss because you won’t approve of him. 

Jack: Well then I guess this is a catch-22, although I don’t know for sure because I refuse to read literature that questions the morality of war.”
— Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock, Season 6: Idiots Are People Two!
Tagged: Approval, Read, Literature, Morality, War
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