Perry Grant Quotes
Total quotes (5)
Total quotes (5)
Felix Unger: [Felix is apologizing to Randy's mother for Uncle Oscar's earlier behavior as a Big Brother] We weren't too well organized last week. All I can do is apologize. Mr Madison has certain primeval characteristics. But I promise you, no more pool halls, and no more unbalanced meals.
Mrs. Grainger: That didn't worry me.
Felix Unger: It didn't?
Mrs. Grainger: Well, a little at first, when Randy mentioned spitting, but after all, that's why I entered him into this program... A boy who lives alone with his mother needs a man's influence, and after a day with Uncle Oscar, Randy was all boy. Of course, there were a few things which had to be adjusted, like calling his grandmother 'a sweet old broad', but I can handle that.
Randy Grainger: [sheepishly] She straightened me out.
Oscar Madison: [Oscar loses Felix's burial deposit, and goes to the cemetery to make amends] I just want to know who bought plot 204.
Cemetery Salesman: Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but that's privileged information... We don't give that out to the public.
Oscar Madison: Well, I can appreciate that, but I want to help my friend, Felix Unger.
Cemetery Salesman: Oh, yes, Mr Unger. Very nice man. Sorry to lose him.
Oscar Madison: Well, you don't have to lose him. Just give me the name.
Cemetery Salesman: I'm sorry, sir, but it's a matter of ethics. Besides, the owner may be leaving this earth very soon.
Oscar Madison: Uh, maybe he'd like to make a little profit before he goes. I mean, he paid 500 for it, I'll give him 750.
Cemetery Salesman: But you couldn't give him anything if you didn't have his name.
Oscar Madison: OK, OK, I'll double it. I'll give him a thousand dollars for the plot.
Cemetery Salesman: No. You'll give him 750 for the plot.
Oscar Madison: Oh, thank you.
Cemetery Salesman: And you'll give me 250 for his name.
Oscar Madison: But that is...
Cemetery Salesman: I know, but the cemetery game is a jungle.