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Mary Hartman Quotes

Total quotes: 11
“Harold Clemens: [Referring to high school] I'm sure you were very attractive.

Mary Hartman: [Charmed] Really? [Changing her tone] What do you think happened to me?”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 003
Tagged: high school, Aging, Attractive, Backhanded Compliments
“Sgt. Foley: Are you a little nervous?

Mary Hartman: No. Why, do I seem a little nervous? No, I'm not, I'm not nervous. Why, because I'm a married woman having a cocktail in a cocktail lounge in the middle of the afternoon with a good looking person?”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 020
Tagged: Nervous, Cheating, Infidelity, cocktail bar
“Mary Hartman: As far as I'm concerned, you can have Tom if you want him.

Mae Olinski: [gasps] Do you really mean that?

Mary Hartman: Yes, I do. You see, I don't want him anymore, and there's no sense in letting him go to waste.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 029
Tagged: Breakups, Cheating, Divorce
“I can't believe it. Loretta's never gonna walk again. Tom and Mae and Mary all have venereal disease, not to mention Frank Garth, who I don't even know. And we don't have any calmatives in the house. It's beginning to sound like a soap opera.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 026
Tagged: soap opera, venereal disease, STD
“Mary Hartman: It was a wonderful book. It was guaranteed to improve my emotional health.

Harold Clemens: Did it improve your emotional health?

Mary Hartman: I think so, I definitely think so. You see, it was while I was reading that book that I realized that I needed glasses, and that made me feel much better.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 003
Tagged: Reading, eyeglasses, emotional health
“Tom Hartman: Did you think I was sexy then?

Mary Hartman: Yeah, you were. You were just like Johnny Carson. You were just all boyish and proud of yourself.

Tom Hartman: He's a comedian. I'm a Robert Redford, huh?

Mary Hartman: [thinks a moment] Johnny Carson.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 003
Tagged: Johnny Carson, Robert Redford, comedian, actor, Handsome, Boyish, Backhanded Compliments
“Loretta Haggers: [Referring to the Lombardi family] Someone just shot 'em.

Mary Hartman: Oh my God. The whole family?

Loretta Haggers: All five of them, plus two goats and eight chickens.

Mary Hartman: I can't believe that. What kind of a madman would shoot two goats and eight chickens. [after a pause] And the people...the people, of course.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 001
Tagged: Murder, goats, Chickens, Animal Lovers
“Mary Hartman: Where's Grandpa?

Martha Shumway: Watching Years of Our Days to Live. It's his favorite.

Mary Hartman: Oh, I don't like that one.

Martha Shumway: No?

Mary Hartman: No, all the girls look alike, and they're all divorced, and all the husbands fool around with someone at work. I like a more realistic program where everybody's happy.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 008
Tagged: Soap Operas, Realism, Reality TV, Irony
“Mary Hartman: [On the phone] Grandpa Larkin's at the police station?

Sgt. Foley: Yes, he is.

Mary Hartman: Is he all right?

Sgt. Foley: Well, not exactly.

Mary Hartman: Is he hurt? I mean, what did he have, an accident?

Sgt. Foley: No, he's not hurt. And I'm afraid what happened to him was not an accident.

Mary Hartman: I don't know what you mean.

Sgt. Foley: I'm afraid he did it deliberately. That's why he was arrested.

Mary Hartman: What was he arrested for?

Sgt. Foley: Indecent exposure.

Mary Hartman: [puzzled] Indecent exposure?

Sgt. Foley: That's right. I'm afraid, Miss Hartman, that your grandfather is the Fernwood Flasher.

Mary Hartman: [to Sergeant Foley, stunned] Listen. Uh, um...I can't talk now. I'm on the phone.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 001
Tagged: indecent exposure, fernwood flasher
“Mary Hartman: [Davey has a pistol pressed against Mary's head] Is that a real gun, Davey? It's not real, is it? What is that, a little toy, little water cap pistol?

Davey: No, it's real.

Mary Hartman: Oh, it is real. Oh. See, I saw this skit on The Howard Cosell Show once. It was a hilarious skit. Tina Louise had a gun, and she took out her gun, and she pulled the trigger, and a sign came out that said 'Bang!' Isn't that hilarious, Davey? Does yours have a sign, Davey? It does, doesn't it?
[Davey points pistol at ceiling and fires, plaster rains down on Mary's head] It's real.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 014
Tagged: Tina Louise, Howard Cosell, Toy Gun
“Mary Hartman: Oh, poor Davey.

Sergeant Dennis Foley: Mary, he's a mass murderer. He murdered the entire Lombardi family, plus their two goats and eight chickens.

Mary Hartman: I know, but aside from that he's such a nice boy. I mean, I wish there was something I could do for him.

Sergeant Dennis Foley: Mary, You're too good-hearted.”
— Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, Season 1: Episode 023
Tagged: Mass Murder, Killer, Empathy, misplaced empathy
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