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Jess Oppenheimer Quotes
| AKA: | Jess Oppenheimer |
| Birthday: | November 11, 1913 |
| Birthplace: | San Francisco, CA, United States |
| Nationality: | United States Of America |
| Occupations: | Television Director, Screenwriter |
Total quotes: 50
Jess Oppenheimer
BirthnameAKA: Jess Oppenheimer
Birthday: November 11, 1913
Birthplace: San Francisco, CA, United States
Nationality: United States Of America
Occupations: Television Director, Screenwriter
Total quotes: 50
“Ricky Ricardo: What do you want me to do, starve to death?
Lucy Ricardo: Would you, please?”
Lucy Ricardo: Would you, please?”
Tagged:
starve to death, argument
“Ethel Mertz: What if I cried every time I put on a pound?
Fred Mertz: We'd be up to our ears in tears.”
Fred Mertz: We'd be up to our ears in tears.”
Tagged:
Fat shaming, Weight Gain
“I'm going to get rid of this fat if I have to chop it off with a cleaver.”
Tagged:
Fat shaming, fad diets
“Lucy Ricardo: Hello, I'm looking for Risky Riskardo.
Ricky Ricardo: Oh, well I'm Ricky Ricardo.
Lucy Ricardo: Oh nice to meet you, do you know where I can find Risky Riskardo?”
Ricky Ricardo: Oh, well I'm Ricky Ricardo.
Lucy Ricardo: Oh nice to meet you, do you know where I can find Risky Riskardo?”
Tagged:
Mispronunciations
“Fred Mertz: You don't think she's a kleptomaniac, do you?
Ricky Ricardo: No, I think she just steals.”
Ricky Ricardo: No, I think she just steals.”
Tagged:
Kleptomaniac, synonyms
“Lucy Ricardo: There's just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.
Fred Mertz: Your feet?”
Fred Mertz: Your feet?”
Tagged:
bad dancing, insults
“Here I am with all this talent bottled up inside of me and you're always sitting on the cork.”
Tagged:
Talent, talent show
“Ricky Ricardo: Have you ever heard Lucy sing?
Fred Mertz: No.
Ricky Ricardo: Our fighting men have been through enough.”
Fred Mertz: No.
Ricky Ricardo: Our fighting men have been through enough.”
Tagged:
bad singer
“Ricky Ricardo: Now look, Lucy, we're not going to go over all this again. You cannot be in the show.
Lucy Ricardo: Give me one good reason.
Ricky Ricardo: You have no talent.
Lucy Ricardo: Give me another good reason.”
Lucy Ricardo: Give me one good reason.
Ricky Ricardo: You have no talent.
Lucy Ricardo: Give me another good reason.”
Tagged:
talent show, no talent
“Ricky Ricardo: I was clearing out the desk and I found this.
Lucy Ricardo: Why, it's our marriage license.
Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.
Lucy Ricardo: Well, what's the matter? Don't tell me it's expired!”
Lucy Ricardo: Why, it's our marriage license.
Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.
Lucy Ricardo: Well, what's the matter? Don't tell me it's expired!”
Tagged:
marriage license, expired
“Ricky Ricardo: [discussing operetta Lucy wrote, but does not know she wrote it] Who wrote this thing, anyway?
Lucy Ricardo: Who wrote it? Have you ever heard of Victor Herbert?
Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.
Lucy Ricardo: Well all right, then.”
Lucy Ricardo: Who wrote it? Have you ever heard of Victor Herbert?
Ricky Ricardo: Yeah.
Lucy Ricardo: Well all right, then.”
Tagged:
operetta, victor herbert
“Lucy Ricardo: I'm living on borrowed time. It was only by a very clever ruse that I managed to escape from their apartment.
Police Sergeant: What was that?
Lucy Ricardo: I pretended to be a chair.
Police Sergeant: I don't think the police can help you madam, why don't you call an upholsterer?”
Police Sergeant: What was that?
Lucy Ricardo: I pretended to be a chair.
Police Sergeant: I don't think the police can help you madam, why don't you call an upholsterer?”
Tagged:
Paranoia, borrowed time
“Ricky Ricardo: For goodness' sakes don't tell Lucy, will you? If she knows the audition is tonight she'll be pestering the life out of me to get into the act. How am I gonna get rid of her for the day?
Fred Mertz: Well, you could lock her in the bathroom. If she stays in there as long as Ethel does she'll never even know the door's locked.”
Fred Mertz: Well, you could lock her in the bathroom. If she stays in there as long as Ethel does she'll never even know the door's locked.”
Tagged:
Bathroom Time, Pestering
“Lucy Ricardo: You might be going through life with the wrong name. Hey, I better figure out the right one for you! Maybe if you're something besides Five, it'll help our vibration.
Ricky Ricardo: Lucy!
Lucy Ricardo: What?
Ricky Ricardo: Don't you like the way I vibrate?”
Ricky Ricardo: Lucy!
Lucy Ricardo: What?
Ricky Ricardo: Don't you like the way I vibrate?”
Tagged:
Wrong Name, vibration
“[Ricky and Lucy are doing a show together]
Ricky Ricardo: Hey, Lucy, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater.
Lucy Ricardo: What?
Ricky Ricardo: Some tramp comes up to me on the street and says he hadn't had a bite in three days.
Lucy Ricardo: What did you do, bite him?
[Audience laughs]”
Ricky Ricardo: Hey, Lucy, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater.
Lucy Ricardo: What?
Ricky Ricardo: Some tramp comes up to me on the street and says he hadn't had a bite in three days.
Lucy Ricardo: What did you do, bite him?
[Audience laughs]”
Tagged:
Standup Comedy
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