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Jennifer Crittenden Quotes

Total quotes: 29
“We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Puerto Ricans, Festive
“Mom, look, I found something more fun than complaining!”
— Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
Tagged: more fun, Complaining, Excited
“Jerry: Hello, Newman.

Newman: Hello, Jerry.”
— Newman, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium
Tagged: Hello Newman
“Do you know what day this is? Because I know what day this is, they know what day this is, so I was wondering if you know what day this is!”
— Bob, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Puerto Rican Day, Thugs, Threats
“That's it, George. Come on, come on. Give it to me. Come on, work it. Work it. Yeah be a man, be a man.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Hawaii Five-0, Season 2: The Package
Tagged: Photo Shoots, Selfies, Erotic Photography, Inhibitions
“Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like ‘American Gladiators.’”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Cockfights, American Gladiators
“All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium
Tagged: Self-deprecation
“We couldn't carry on a conversation. I kept trying to picture her naked, she kept trying to not picture me naked.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology
Tagged: Nudity, Breakups
“Laughter's the best medicine, right? I'm keeping it loose, keeping it light.”
— Ray Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 4: Robert's Rodeo
Tagged: Laughter Is The Best Medicine, Loose, Light, Happy
“Marie: Don't move! I'm coming right down!

Frank: I'm in enough pain!”
— Frank Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond, Season 6: Frank Goes Downstairs
Tagged: don't move, Sassy, enough pain
“I've tried it straight, Jerry. We've all seen the results. For me, sick is the only way to go.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Ex-Cons, Dysfunctional Relationships, Dating
“What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 7: Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
Tagged: what's the point, Questions, Lazy, Going Out
“Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Cockfights, Marriage, Adulting
“All right, George, all right. I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. I'm so sorry that I didn't want your rather bulbous head struggling to find its way through the normal-size neck hole of my finely knit sweater."”
— Jason "Stanky" Hanke, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology
Tagged: Apologies, Big Heads, insults, 12 Steps
“I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning
Tagged: Christian Rock, Music, Musicians, Hipsters
“It's the timeless art of seduction. You got to join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photo, you send her one right back.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Hawaii Five-0, Season 2: The Package
Tagged: seduction, Selfies
“Well, the female body is a...work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a Jeep.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology
Tagged: Nudity, Female Body, Male Body, Jeep
“How I've longed for this moment, Seinfeld. The day when I would have the proof I needed to haul you out of your cushy lair and expose to the light of justice as the monster that you are.”
— Newman, Hawaii Five-0, Season 2: The Package
Tagged: Revenge, Sadism, Justice
“It's taken me thirteen years to climb up to the top of that speed dial, and I don't intend to lose my spot to you.”
— Mrs. Hamilton, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium
Tagged: Speed Dial, Competition
“When you cough, there are thousands of unseen muscles that suddenly spring into action. It's like watching that fat guy catch a cannonball in his stomach in slow motion.”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology
Tagged: Coughing, Nudity
“David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning
Tagged: Hell, Torture, Devils, Suffering, Hades
“The haunting memories of lost love. May I? Lights? Our eyes met across the crowded hat store. I, a customer, and she a coquettish haberdasher. Oh, I pursued and she withdrew, then she pursued and I withdrew, and so we danced. I burned for her, much like the burning during urination that I would experience soon afterwards.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning
Tagged: Acting Class, Medical Students, Gonorrhea, Urination
“Are you saying that I could be dating this hair? With you under it?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Baldness, Shaved Heads, hair
“I couldn't get there in time to stop it, but you should have seen Little Jerry, Jerry! Flappin' his wings and struttin' his stuff! He was peckin' and weavin' and bobbin' and talkin' trash! He didn't even have to touch him! The other rooster ran out of the ring. The whole fight lasted two seconds.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Cockfighting, Little Jerry Seinfeld, Talking Trash
“Oh my God...you're in jail? That is so cool!”
— George Costanza, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Jail, Dating
“So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?”
— Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium
Tagged: incompetence
“In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, Season 6: The PTA Disbands
Tagged: House, Obey, Laws, thermodynamics
“Uh, yes, most likely, yes. I'm, uh, H. E. Pennypacker. I'm a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist and, uh, a bicyclist. And, um, yes, I'm looking for a place where I can settle down with my, uh, peculiar habits, and, uh, the women that I frequent with.”
— Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Wealth, Industrialist, Philanthropy
“We wanna look to the future, we gotta tear down the past. Babe Ruth was nothing more than a fat old man, with little-girl legs. And here's something I just found out recently. He wasn't really a sultan. Ah, what d'you make of that? Hey, check this out. Lou Gehrig's pants. Not a bad fit. Hey, you don't think that nerve disease of his was contagious, do you? Uh, I better take ’em off. I'm too important to this team. Big Stein can't be flopping and twitching.”
— George Steinbrenner, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Millennium
Tagged: Babe Ruth, Sultan of Swat, Lou Gehrig, baseball, Future, Past
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