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Jen Statsky Quotes

Total quotes: 15
“We can do this, but we must remain emotionless. I'm talking 'Kristen Stewart on a red carpet' level of emotionless here, all right?”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 1: Mindy St. Claire
Tagged: Red Carpet, Emotionless
“Eleanor: Ugh, I hate jazz. Every jazz song is like 40 minutes long. It's like, we get it. You can blow on a trumpet. Wrap it up, Elton John.

Chidi: Famously a piano player.”
— Eleanor Shellstrop, The Good Place, Season 1: ...Someone Like Me as a Member
Tagged: Jazz, Music, Elton John, Celebrities, joke
“Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your buttcrack in the shower?”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: shower, Buttcrack
“Check it. I got a dirty ass martini and a clean white power suit.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: check it, power suit, play on words, martini
“I'd shoot you in the face and shoot myself in the heart.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: shoot, Death, face, heart, Gun
“Trevor: Oh, yeah, we're not negotiating. See, Fake Eleanor and I, we bro-ed down pretty hard last night. We hooked up.

Eleanor: No, we didn't.

Trevor: Yeah, but who are they gonna believe... me or a woman?”
— Trevor , The Good Place, Season 1: ...Someone Like Me as a Member
Tagged: Sexist, joke, Hell, Relationship, Lie
“Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. Every day, they make them go to school naked, and then they take a test in a class they've never been to. And then they smash them with hammers. And that part is not so clever.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: Everything Is Great!
Tagged: Hell, punishment, Philosophers, Philosophy, joke
“Michael: It's a torture museum. Famous examples of bad behavior, and explanations of the torture they earned.

Jason: Is there a gift shop?

Michael: Jason, this is Hell. Of course there's a gift shop.”
— Michael, The Good Place, Season 2: Rhonda, Diana, Jake, and Trent
Tagged: Hell, Gift Shop, Torture, museum, joke
“Nomo FOMO.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: no more, fear of missing out, FOMO
“THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Knockoffs
Tagged: Excited, Happy, Overwhelmed, happiest day of my life, Life
“Four R’s, my friend: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Kirk Steele
Tagged: Advice, reduce, reuse, recycle, Rihanna
“You're my favorite little jewie this side of saint louie.”
— Abbi Abrams, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: Favorite Person, Jew, saint louie
“My biggest weakness is that I lose my purse a lot.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: Weakness, Interview, Losing, purse, mistake, forget
“Simply yes or no. Did you or did you not peg.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Knockoffs
Tagged: Questions, did you, did you not, peg
“Michael: Hi there, since there's no Janet here to serve you, I brought you two a little treat.

Chidi: Ah, kind of like a last meal?

Michael: Not like a last meal, just, uh, the final food you might ever eat.

Tahani: I'm gonna miss these little perks when I'm down in the Bad Place, being forced to wear a knock-off handbag and drink tap water.

Chidi: That's what you think hell is?”
— Tahani Al-Jamil, The Good Place, Season 1: Mindy St. Claire
Tagged: Hell, joke, Fashion, punishment
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